Armed Polite Society
Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: MechAg94 on October 02, 2019, 08:54:08 AM
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I saw a few stories on Babylon Bee that didn't fit any current discussion.
https://babylonbee.com/news/survey-10-out-of-10-nazi-scientists-do-not-recommend-opening-the-ark-of-the-covenant
Survey: 10 Out Of 10 Nazi Scientists Do Not Recommend Opening The Ark Of The Covenant
At publishing time, they had also recommended against watching Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-civil-war-reenactors-been-waiting-for-this-moment-their-entire-lives
Nation's Civil War Reenactors Have Been Preparing For This Moment Their Entire Lives
U.S.—After Trump tweeted about a civil war, the nation's Civil War reenactors excitedly began mobilizing, reporting that they have been waiting for this exact moment their entire lives.
Unfortunately, Trump then tweeted, "Lol jk," making the reenactors sad. They say their time will still come at some point in the future however, and when it does, they'll be ready.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-opens-first-restaurant-in-megachurch-foyer-still-closed-sundays
Chick-Fil-A Opens First Restaurant In Megachurch Foyer, Still Closed Sundays
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https://babylonbee.com/news/experts-warn-we-have-only-12-years-left-until-they-change-the-dates-on-global-warming-again
Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again
"Should we not change our ways, our old predictions will melt, dangerously raising the chance of us having to move the goalposts again," said Al Gore. "Do you really want me to write another book, film another movie, and go on another tour in my private jet just because you dingbats couldn't be bothered to alter your lifestyles? I don't think so. Let's all get on board with this 12-year figure, or we'll have to push back the date again."
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Opening chick filet stores in church lobbies would work For them as a business move if they opened and 7th day Adventist churches.
O, wait…
Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
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https://babylonbee.com/news/experts-warn-we-have-only-12-years-left-until-they-change-the-dates-on-global-warming-again
Experts Warn We Have Only 12 Years Left Until They Change The Timeline On Global Warming Again
That is a winner.
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Opening chick filet stores in church lobbies would work For them as a business move if they opened and 7th day Adventist churches.
O, wait…
Sent from my SM-G960U using Tapatalk
The larger Churches would have better parking.
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The larger Churches would have better parking.
Two words: drive through.
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Two words: drive through.
Have you seen the Chick-fil-A drive through? They disrupt traffic all around them due to the number cars in line or those waiting to get in line. That is the case down here at least. Even at off times like mid-afternoon, the lines can be long. They often are efficient and move the cars through pretty fast, but the lines are still long.
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Have you seen the Chick-fil-A drive through? They disrupt traffic all around them due to the number cars in line or those waiting to get in line. That is the case down here at least. Even at off times like mid-afternoon, the lines can be long. They often are efficient and move the cars through pretty fast, but the lines are still long.
Yep. They added a second drive through line at the local store, plus have four people outside taking orders on tablets, and another person outside the window handing things over faster.
Still a long line.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/saudi-arabia-closes-down-new-chick-fil-a-location-for-disappointing-lack-of-homophobia
Since I joined their headline forum, I can't always remember which ones made it to the public side. Somewhere there was a line about one of the pres. candidates promising, if elected president, they'd impeach Trump. :lol:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-opens-first-restaurant-in-megachurch-foyer-still-closed-sundays
Chick-Fil-A Opens First Restaurant In Megachurch Foyer, Still Closed Sundays
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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The larger Churches would have better parking.
7th Day Adventists hold their services on Saturdays.
The problem with this particular business model is, however, that many 7th Day Adventists are vegetarians/vegans.
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7th Day Adventists hold their services on Saturdays.
The problem with this particular business model is, however, that many 7th Day Adventists are vegetarians/vegans.
So, tofucken sammiches. (pronounced toe foo kin, oh ye of filthy minds)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/unable-to-compete-with-reality-babylon-bee-founder-starts-real-news-site
Unable To Compete With Reality, Babylon Bee Founder Starts Real News Site
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https://babylonbee.com/news/new-registry-allows-engaged-sex-couples-choose-christian-florist-put-business
https://babylonbee.com/news/experts-it-may-be-too-late-to-halt-climate-change-town-hall-on-cnn
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At publishing time, experts were revising their predictions, claiming that future climate change town halls could still be avoided if everyone followed the climate change advocates’ advice to “do as we say, not as we do.”
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I couldn't figure out why I liked the Bee so much, took me a long time to realize the guy behind it was Frank Fleming of imao.us nuke the moon fame. I loved that site.
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I couldn't figure out why I liked the Bee so much, took me a long time to realize the guy behind it was Frank Fleming of imao.us nuke the moon fame. I loved that site.
???
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Babylon_Bee
The Babylon Bee was created by Adam Ford and was launched on March 1, 2016. In 2018, Ford sold the website to Seth Dillon, “a successful businessman who uses his resources for Kingdom purposes." In a public announcement published on his personal website, Ford cited several reasons for the sale, including his discomfort with the power wielded by social media companies like Facebook over creators and their perceived anti-conservative and anti-Christian bias. He wrote that "Facebook has the power to kill publishers, and they do, not only based on publishing techniques, but based on worldview. Just think about that.”
At the time of the website's sale, Kyle Mann, who had been head writer since September 2016, became editor in chief. In 2019, Ethan Nicolle, creator of Axe Cop, was brought on as Creative Director.
I don't see any mention of Frank Fleming.
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Speaking of the Babylon Bee ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-gun-debate-flash-cards-get-you-through-arguments-with-speed-and-efficiency
Order your cards now so you'll be sure to have them when the anti-gun relatives come over for Thanksgiving dinner.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/unable-to-compete-with-reality-babylon-bee-founder-starts-real-news-site
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Speaking of the Babylon Bee ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-gun-debate-flash-cards-get-you-through-arguments-with-speed-and-efficiency
Order your cards now so you'll be sure to have them when the anti-gun relatives come over for Thanksgiving dinner.
They should print those on playing cards so we can have gun debate poker night.
Or put the gun debate for/against on two suites and the abortion debate on the other two. Guaranteed to liven up a party and make sure everyone goes home friends. =D
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This one may just deserve its own thread.
https://babylonbee.com/news/un-warns-climate-change-will-destroy-earth-by-2005
UN Warns Climate Change Will Destroy Earth By 2005
When several scientific researchers pointed out that 2005 came and went 13 years ago, they were informed that the earth was actually destroyed, everybody was killed, and we are all actually ghosts.
"Every person on the planet is now a spirit who was killed over a decade ago by climate change," said a UN spokesperson. "And anyone who does not believe this will be labeled a ghost science denier."
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https://babylonbee.com/news/dems-worried-if-impeachment-fails-theyll-have-to-nominate-electable-candidate
Nah . . . it'll never happen . . .
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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-criticized-for-breaking-longstanding-american-tradition-of-remaining-in-middle-eastern-countries-indefinitely
Trump Criticized For Breaking With Longstanding American Tradition Of Remaining In Middle Eastern Countries Indefinitely
"Occupying a country on the other side of the globe and staying there forever is an American pastime," said a CNN host. "For Trump to pull out when we haven't even been there a decade yet is a disgusting display of his selfishness and unwillingness to conform to the standards of presidential decorum."
"Has he no respect for our ways of life?" the host concluded gravely.
In a rare moment of unity, pundits on Fox News agreed. "We just need another 20 or 30 years in Syria, and we can accomplish our goals," said a morning host on the right-leaning news station. "He didn't even really give our soldiers a chance to settle in."
"This is America, for goodness' sake—land of the free and home of messing with other countries' affairs. I don't like criticizing the president, but he's way off on this one," he added.
:laugh:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/al-gore-predicts-massive-apocalypse-if-billions-are-not-spent-on-his-books-films
Al Gore Predicts Massive Apocalypse If Billions Are Not Spent On His Books, Films
Several scientists on the panel agreed wholeheartedly with Gore’s assessment. “The evidence is irrefutable,” said Dr. Sufjan Swami of Johns Hopkins University. “To not buy Al’s books and movies at a time like this is tantamount to treason.” Various experts on the panel all agreed that it was time for all countries and communities to come together and commit all of their resources to the purchase of Al Gore’s books and movies.
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3161-art5bbf9ca885e10.jpg)
Here is a graph so you know it is sciency.
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I can just see Gavin Newsom reading this and thinking, "Hmmm . . . ."
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-law-would-force-drivers-to-listen-to-greta-thunberg-lecture-before-filling-up-their-cars
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???
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Babylon_Bee
I don't see any mention of Frank Fleming.
Frank Fleming writes a lot of their stuff. If you people would listen to the BB podcast, you'd know this. ;/ :P
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I can just see Gavin Newsom reading this and thinking, "Hmmm . . . ."
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-law-would-force-drivers-to-listen-to-greta-thunberg-lecture-before-filling-up-their-cars
I would normally insert an LOL emoticon here, but sadly, it is too close to potential reality. Much like with pollution controls, CA could insist all cars must come with a screeching Greta Thunberg recording that runs every time you start your car. The transmission is locked out until the recording finishes.
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I would normally insert an LOL emoticon here, but sadly, it is too close to potential reality. Much like with pollution controls, CA could insist all cars must come with a screeching Greta Thunberg recording that runs every time you start your car. The transmission is locked out until the recording finishes.
The Cali DMV may require you to listen to a Greta sermon before leaving you alone. =)
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The Cali DMV may require you to listen to a Greta sermon before leaving you alone. =)
:lol:
I think they finally got the hint. I haven't received any more notices. Though I guess the test will be when the vehicles would have come up for renewal next year.
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This has the potential to become a very long thread:
https://babylonbee.com/news/radical-far-right-library-just-has-books-no-drag-queens
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This has the potential to become a very long thread:
https://babylonbee.com/news/radical-far-right-library-just-has-books-no-drag-queens
:laugh:
I think you may be right.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/hilary-clinton-announces-she-will-seek-re-election-as-president-of-the-united-states
Hillary Clinton Announces She Will Seek Reelection As President Of The United States
"After much deliberation, consultation, and prayer to Moloch, I have decided that I will seek a second term," she said to a crowd gathered at a local Wendy's restaurant. "I feel I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to in my first term, and I really need a full eight years to implement my final solution to all of America's problems."
And the final punch line.
"Orange man bad! Orange man bad!" she chanted at one heckler, though the heckler turned out to be a Wendy's worker asking if she wanted the Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger 4 for $4 or the chicken sandwich one.
Aides then gently ushered her back onto the bus to take her back to Bright Sunrise Home For Seniors
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https://summit.news/2019/10/09/hillary-teases-2020-run-obviously-i-can-beat-him-again/
Hillary Teases 2020 Run: “Obviously I Can Beat Him Again”
This is not fake news as far as I can tell.
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Hillary seems more deluded than usual.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/progressive-parents-sit-their-kids-down-for-talk-about-the-birds-and-the-bees-and-the-birds-who-want-to-become-bees-and-the-bees-who-identify-as-birds-and-buckle-up-kids-this-might-take-a-while
Progressive Parents Sit Their Kid Down For Talk About The Birds And The Bees And The Birds Who Want To Become Bees And The Bees Who Identify As Birds And Buckle Up, This Might Take A While
Molly Harper patted their daughter on the back. "What your father's trying to say is that, well, the birds and the bees... and, well, let's not leave out the birds who want to become bees, and the bees who identify as birds! Maybe we'd better start there and then we'll circle back to the cisspecies birds and bees."
16 hours later, they'd gotten a good halfway through "the talk" and decided to leave the discussion about birds having surgeries when they're still hatchlings to become bees until the following day.
:laugh:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-declares-clocks-will-fall-back-to-2017-this-year-granting-him-extra-time-in-office
Trump Declares Clocks Will Fall Back To 2017 This Year Granting Him Extra Time In Office
If only we could get Trump to retweet this. The left's reaction would be so much fun.
As Trump made the announcement, protesters gathered outside the White House to scream at the sky. Again.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/was-that-video-of-trump-shooting-various-news-outlets-in-the-face-doctored-an-in-depth-analysis
Was That Video Of Trump Shooting His Political Foes In The Face Doctored? An In-Depth Analysis
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-4966-art5da4f79d35dd8.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/was-that-video-of-trump-shooting-various-news-outlets-in-the-face-doctored-an-in-depth-analysis
Was That Video Of Trump Shooting His Political Foes In The Face Doctored? An In-Depth Analysis
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-4966-art5da4f79d35dd8.jpg)
Its almost as if they made it their mission to mock snopes. :rofl:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/we-are-living-in-a-totalitarian-nightmare-says-protester-freely-without-any-fear-of-government-retribution
'We Are Living In A Totalitarian Nightmare,' Says Protester Freely Without Any Fear Of Government Retribution
The woman drew on her guaranteed free speech rights to state that "this government is like something out of a totalitarian dystopia," as police stood by guarding to ensure her and her fellow protesters' right to protest was protected.
At publishing time, she told reporters she would love to draw further comparisons to dystopian fiction novels other than The Handmaid's Tale, but she hadn't read any.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/new-smart-doorbell-will-argue-with-jehovahs-witnesses-for-you
New Smart Doorbell Will Argue With Jehovah's Witnesses, LDS Missionaries For You
The device can also be set to Evangelist Mode, which explains the “Romans Road” to visitors and leads food delivery drivers in the sinner’s prayer before payment is made.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/police-keep-antifa-away-columbus-statues-taping-job-applications-onto
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(https://i.redd.it/ff30pdx483t31.jpg)
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:laugh:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/open-minded-programmer-works-non-binary-code
Open-Minded Programmer Only Works In Non-Binary Code
“I can no longer in good conscience turn a blind eye to the oppressive systemic abuse of power that excludes bits who don’t identify as either ‘1’ or ‘0’,” he said. “To demand that a marginalized digital bit identify with a number foisted upon it by a harmful system created by white males is extremely problematic. Code is a social construct.”
Notice that this story is 2 years old. I am not sure if that is a good or bad sign of where we are headed.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-vows-to-cut-foreign-aid-to-california
Trump Vows To Cut Foreign Aid To California
Though this means no money for California for now, Trump has earmarked some money for California to help any pro-democracy movement within the state. So far none has emerged.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-vows-to-cut-foreign-aid-to-california
Trump Vows To Cut Foreign Aid To California
Though this means no money for California for now, Trump has earmarked some money for California to help any pro-democracy movement within the state. So far none has emerged.
:rofl: :rofl:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/american-heart-association-sued-discrimination-trans-fats
American Heart Association Sued For Discrimination Against Trans Fats
“The AHA frequently employs phrases such as, ‘reducing trans fat in your diet helps reduce risk of heart disease,’ ‘trans fats raise your bad (LDL) cholesterol levels and lower your good (HDL) cholesterol levels,’ ‘eating trans fats increases your risk of developing heart disease and stroke, and is also associated with a higher risk of developing type 2 diabetes,’ an ACLU spokesman explained. “Their nutritional guidelines are blatantly transphobic.”
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https://babylonbee.com/news/washington-post-article-on-evils-of-capitalism-hidden-behind-paywall
Washington Post Article On Evils Of Capitalism Hidden Behind Paywall
No article. Link just has that headline. =D
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https://babylonbee.com/news/washington-post-article-on-evils-of-capitalism-hidden-behind-paywall
Washington Post Article On Evils Of Capitalism Hidden Behind Paywall
No article. Link just has that headline. =D
Pretty sure Hawkmoon is having a meltdown.
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Pretty sure Hawkmoon is having a meltdown.
:lol:
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Currently listening to the BB podcast while in a Chick-fil-a drive-through. I'm pretty sure that's grounds for sainthood.
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Currently listening to the BB podcast while in a Chick-fil-a drive-through. I'm pretty sure that's grounds for sainthood.
Saint Fistful. Scary thought. :O
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Or at the very least, I now know for sure I'm among the elect. :angel:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/amazing-this-mind-reader-can-instantly-guess-peoples-pronouns-with-999-accuracy
Amazing: This Mind-Reader Can Instantly Guess People's Pronouns With 99.9% Accuracy
Maybe scientists can study how he does that and make a pill or something so the rest of us have that ability. If we were all that quick and that accurate at knowing each other’s pronouns, almost no one would have to announce their pronouns upon first meeting someone. Think of that futuristic utopia!
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https://babylonbee.com/news/new-extensive-pew-research-study-finds-100-of-pews-uncomfortable
Groundbreaking Pew Research Study Finds Pews Are Uncomfortable
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https://babylonbee.com/news/man-identifying-6-year-old-crushes-game-winning-homer-tee-ball-championship
Man Identifying As 6-Year-Old Crushes Game-Winning Homer In Tee-Ball Championship
His team, the Lil’ Padres, attempted to hoist him up on their shoulders in celebration of their great victory over the favored Tiny Tigers, but were unable to pick up the large 230-pound man.
Ripley’s feat comes at the end of a momentous tee-ball season, in which the self-identified six-year-old absolutely shattered every record set prior to that point. With a 1.000 batting average, 52 home runs, and an incredible showing at first base, second base, shortstop, third base, and pitcher, the man is being called an inspiration to other six-year-olds everywhere.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/tim-tebow-suspended-for-using-performance-enhancing-bible-verses
Tim Tebow Suspended For Using Performance-Enhancing Bible Verses
“The league has a zero-tolerance policy on Bible verses that inspire and encourage a player to do his best and play for the glory of God, and thus bestow an unfair advantage,” league investigator Mack Columbeau said in a press conference. “We will be looking into this matter objectively and completely before rendering a final judgment on Mr. Tebow. If he has violated league policy, he’ll be punished appropriately.”
"Oh, Mr. Tebow I have just one more question......." =D
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https://babylonbee.com/news/migrant-caravan-mysteriously-disappears-but-leaves-behind-cool-wooden-horse
Migrant Caravan Mysteriously Disappears But Leaves Behind Cool Wooden Horse
U.S./MEXICO BORDER—The migrant caravan headed for the U.S. has been the center of much controversy, but the problem seems to have solved itself, as the entire caravan has mysteriously disappeared.
In other, unrelated, good news, there's now a really cool-looking giant wooden horse sitting right at the U.S. border, fresh for the taking.
This is just funny. You have to read the short story on this one. :laugh:
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3220-1.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/motorcycle-that-identifies-as-bicycle-sets-world-cycling-record
Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record
I wonder if this was Jamis.
Banner also said he painted the word "HUFFY" on the side of his bike, ensuring he has no advantage over the bikes that came out of the factory as bicycles.
Some critics say he needs to cut off his motor in order to make the competition fairer, but he quickly called these people bigots, and they were immediately banned from professional cycle racing.
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Damn dog.
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-uncovers-evidence-hero-dog-sniffed-butts
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I was just about that add that. =D
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Damn dog.
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-uncovers-evidence-hero-dog-sniffed-butts
He identified as pansniffual.
I need a new keyboard, and a windscreen wiper for my monitor.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-surprised-to-learn-beto-orourke-was-running-for-president?fbclid=IwAR2SzhWDkojTCBxkLA7wpwA0wZtQAiBCZuFxK4z31f2kupWdi8Sm5CI4FPc (https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-surprised-to-learn-beto-orourke-was-running-for-president?fbclid=IwAR2SzhWDkojTCBxkLA7wpwA0wZtQAiBCZuFxK4z31f2kupWdi8Sm5CI4FPc)
:rofl: :rofl:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/texas-luring-jobs-away-from-california-with-promises-of-electricity
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https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-installs-confession-booths-so-you-can-admit-to-eating-at-popeyes
Chick-Fil-A Installs Confessionals So You Can Repent From Eating At Popeyes
"Bless me, assistant manager, for I have sinned," one contrite patron said to a smiling Chick-fil-A employee as she entered the booth. "It has been 3 weeks since my last Chick-fil-A meal and confession."
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https://babylonbee.com/news/millennial-wishes-there-were-previous-examples-of-socialism-we-could-look-at-to-have-some-idea-how-it-might-turn-out
I feel like posting this on the bulletin board at work!
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https://babylonbee.com/news/flannelgraph-story-running-at-abysmal-1-frame-per-second
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https://babylonbee.com/news/knifed-trump-balloon-rises-again-three-days-later
Slain Trump Balloon Rises Again Three Days Later
TUSCALOOSA, AL—The famous big baby Trump balloon was stabbed to death in Tuscaloosa over the weekend.
Followers mourned its death. But when some women came to pay their respects to the downed balloon three days later, they were shocked to find the balloon was rising again.
"It's a miracle!" cried awed onlookers as the balloon slowly began to reinflate itself and ascend into the heavens. "Just as it was prophesied!"
"Go, therefore, and make America great again," the balloon said. "And behold, I will be with you always. Or at least for another seven or eight terms."
The balloon rose and rose until it disappeared from sight, hidden by the clouds.
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Some days I feel like this.
https://babylonbee.com/news/church-introvert-dons-do-not-greet-medical-bracelet
Church Introvert Dons 'Do Not Greet' Medical Bracelet
LAS CRUCES, NM—Local church introvert Denny Patterson got dressed for church Sunday morning, grabbed his Bible, and slapped on his new "Do Not Greet" medical bracelet, a helpful visual reminder for other parishioners and members of the welcome team not to talk to him at all.
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3332-1.jpg)
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Kinda related thread veer.
I just recently learned that my airline does not follow DNR orders for passengers. So, if you don't want to be revived, don't drop nearly-dead on my plane.
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"Some days I feel like this."
Some days?
Wow, aren't you the social *expletive deleted*ing butterfly... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Some days I feel like this.
https://babylonbee.com/news/church-introvert-dons-do-not-greet-medical-bracelet
Church Introvert Dons 'Do Not Greet' Medical Bracelet
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3332-1.jpg)
They sell "Do Not Greet" wristbands in their web store. I got one for a friend of mine at church. :lol:
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"Some days I feel like this."
Some days?
Wow, aren't you the social *expletive deleted*ing butterfly... :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
What they need is "Do Not Hug" wrist bands. =)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/rise-of-skywalker-to-introduce-first-lesbian-at-at
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-5242-1.jpg)
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So what happens when a male snowspeeder tries to wrap cables around its legs?
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Depends on whether it's consensual.
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So what happens when a male snowspeeder tries to wrap cables around its legs?
Obviously, it will scissor the cables and set itself free.
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Obviously, it will scissor the cables and set itself free.
You owe me a new ipad.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/hi-mr-kaepernick-this-is-the-detroit-lions-says-giggling-trump-on-yet-another-prank-call-to-colin-kaepernick
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You owe me a new ipad.
Yeah, you just keep watching under your Christmas tree.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/rian-johnson-to-direct-mr-rogers-sequel-where-hes-just-bitter-old-man-who-doesnt-believe-in-all-that-be-kind-to-your-neighbor-crap-anymore
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https://babylonbee.com/news/rian-johnson-to-direct-mr-rogers-sequel-where-hes-just-bitter-old-man-who-doesnt-believe-in-all-that-be-kind-to-your-neighbor-crap-anymore
It's like looking in a mirror
:rofl:
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https://babylonbee.com/news/san-franciscos-dogs-begin-bagging-people-poop
San Francisco Dogs Begin Bagging People Poop
The dogs have begun putting signs up around the city reading things like, "Please Pick Up After Your Owner" and "If Your Human Poops, You Scoop."
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-5056-1.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/opinion-trump-is-doing-the-right-thing-but-hes-still-doing-it-as-trump-which-makes-it-bad
Opinion: Trump Is Doing The Right Thing, But He’s Doing It As Trump, Which Means It’s Still Bad
It’s clear that Trump can’t do anything right because he will stubbornly insist on being Trump while doing it. That’s why he must resign—though I will then criticize him for abandoning the country in our time of need.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/california-robber-agrees-to-wait-10-days-for-victims-gun-purchase-to-go-through
California Robber Agrees To Come Back In 10 Days When Victim's Gun Purchase Has Gone Through
"You know what? You're right -- it's not fair for me to do this when you have to wait 10 days to protect yourself. How about this -- I'll go rob some other peeps and hit you up later once your gun is in?"
The robber also agreed that when he comes back, he will wait for the man to go get his gun, unlock it, get the separately stored ammo, and load the firearm, "just so that it's a fair fight."
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/anti-wall-extremist-the-kool-aid-man-leads-campaign-against-trump
Anti-Wall Extremist The Kool-Aid Man Leads Campaign Against Trump
The Kool-Aid Man did not mince words in his new campaign against Trump, though. When asked if the president should be impeached, he had a simple response.
“Oh yeah!”
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-3548-1.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/church-greeters-stationed-at-southern-border-to-deter-immigrants
Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To Deter Immigrants
"Studies have shown that overzealous church greeters can prevent illegal crossings 422% more effectively than a traditional, solid barrier," said a US Border Patrol agent. "When illegal aliens see the happy church volunteers trying to chase them down and ask about their week, they're sure to flee many miles away so their personal space isn't violated by the notoriously extroverted church staffers again."
The plan will reportedly also include stations with extremely watered-down coffee to discourage the immigrants from entering any further.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/more-unborn-babies-disguising-themselves-as-baby-yoda-so-their-liberal-parents-wont-abort-them
More Unborn Babies Disguising Themselves As Baby Yoda To Avoid Being Aborted
When pro-choicers saw the Baby Yodas in their sonograms, they instantly dropped their support for abortion, saying they couldn't bear to harm such an adorable little guy.
"Awwwww he's so cute!" one Portland progressive pregnant woman said. "I couldn't possibly end the beating heart of this little man."
Bounty hunters across the country also vowed to protect the unborn after the disguises were in place.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they
Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they
Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'
I'm just pondering whether that would work in California.
-
I'm just pondering whether that would work in California.
If you get an officer with a sense of humor, it may at least get you a warning.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-libertarian-convert-asks-ron-paul-into-his-heart
New Libertarian Convert Asks Ron Paul Into His Heart
At publishing time, the man had committed to tithe 10% of his cryptocurrency and precious metals to The Ron Paul Institute for Peace and Prosperity, and made a solemn vow never rest until every human being on earth had heard the good news of libertarianism.
=D
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/journalists-caution-against-assigning-empire-all-the-blame-for-blowing-up-alderaan
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/greta-thunberg-sent-down-garbage-chute-after-demanding-willy-wonka-end-harmful-carbon-emissions-now
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/report-more-unborn-babies-in-new-york-identifying-as-convicted-criminals-so-they-cant-legally-be-executed
Report: More Unborn Babies In New York Identifying As Convicted Criminals So They Can't Legally Be Executed
State leaders were blindsided by the strategy and aren't sure whether they should restrict abortion or rescind the ban on capital punishment. "We're definitely in a bit of a pickle," Governor Andrew Cuomo said. "We must respect these babies' chosen identities as serial killers, and we obviously can't perform a lethal injection on a serial killer."
"That would just be inhumane," he added, shaking his head.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-purchases-competing-satire-site-cnn-for-12-billion
Snopes says "mostly true"
-
Visa Offers New Dave Ramsey Credit Card With Credit Limit Of Zero
https://babylonbee.com/news/visa-offers-new-dave-ramsey-credit-card-credit-limit-zero
“What’s great about the official Dave Ramsey card is that it always gets declined,” Ramsey said on his radio program. “Try to buy a new fishing reel? Declined. Try to book a family vacation you can’t afford? Declined. Replace a shredded tire you failed to budget for? Yup, you guessed it—declined.”
:laugh:
According to Ramsey, the new card also offers rewards points, giving 0% back on all food and gas purchases and 0% back when used and declined for purchases at online retailers like Amazon and eBay.
:rofl:
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-736.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-announces-daily-two-minutes-hate-segment
(some would say it lasts a lot longer than two minutes)
"Repeat after me: Trump voters are sheep!"
"Trump voters are sheep," viewers mumbled obediently.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/iowa-prepares-to-matter
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I saw this at lunch and thought it was just hilarious for some reason. Very sacreligious.
New Political Bible Adds (R) Or (D) After Each Character's Name
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-political-bible-adds-r-or-d-after-each-characters-name
"Obviously, right off the bat, God is followed by an R, while the serpent is followed by a D," the project's chief editor, Dr. Gary Leyland, told reporters. "Those ones are easy. Some of the other characters are a little tougher, as we have little written evidence of their modern American political ideology. But we can usually figure it out with context. For instance, if a character works a lot and is rich, they're a Republican. If a character is poor and wears sandals, definitely Democrat. Except for Jesus."
"The weird characters no one likes are probably libertarians."
-
Good article attached to this one...
https://babylonbee.com/news/police-officer-claims-he-feared-for-his-life-when-he-shot-familys-roomba
Police Officer Claims He Feared For His Life After Shooting Family's Roomba To Death
Now the officer claims he feared for his life when he was "aggressively approached" by the automated vacuum device.
"I feared for my life, and that is why I unloaded approximately 11 rounds into the dangerous, aggressive robot vacuum," he said in a press conference. "You don't always have time to accurately assess all threats when you are in a life-and-death situation like that. Police officer safety is our number one priority when we're out in the field."
"Uh, I mean, other than your safety, of course," he quickly added.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/popular-new-noah-diet-has-you-eat-two-of-every-animal-at-every-meal
Popular New 'Noah Diet' Has You Eat Two Of Every Animal At Every Meal
The diet calls for adherents to eat two of every animal at every meal. While some complain the price would add up on all that meat, Embry says, "you can't put a price on good health." Embry is also developing new Noah milkshakes that contain two of every animal blended together in one delicious, easy-to-prepare smoothie. "We're also working on a jerky line," Embry told reporters.
A link for the next time you meet a vegetarian. =D
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Good article attached to this one...
https://babylonbee.com/news/police-officer-claims-he-feared-for-his-life-when-he-shot-familys-roomba
Police Officer Claims He Feared For His Life After Shooting Family's Roomba To Death
At publishing time, an investigation had revealed that Officer Nimitz was in the entirely wrong house in the first place, with the correct address being over five miles away.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-purchases-industrial-sized-washing-machine-spin-news-publication
CNN Purchases Industrial-Sized Washing Machine To Spin News Before Publication
Snopes actually fact checked this:
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/cnn-washing-machine/
Did CNN Purchase an Industrial-Sized Washing Machine to Spin News?
Labeled Satire
:rofl:
-
Snopes actually fact checked this:
I am continually amazed at what Snopes has become. They are broken people.
-
Re CNN's washing machine...
I'm no fan of Snopes, but I suspect it was the dozens, if not hundreds, of broken people who hit Snopes to check out the story who made them enter it as an item.
Either that, or Snopes has a sense of humor, too.
Terry
-
Grizzly Bear Shatters All Pro Wrestling Records After Identifying As Human
https://babylonbee.com/news/grizzly-bear-shatters-pro-wrestling-records-after-identifying-as-a-human
“The Grizzly has stated that his preferred pronouns are he/him/human and so we are going to respect that,” said A.J. Styles, wincing in pain as doctors attempted to realign his spine — another victim of the Grizzly’s punishment.
There was a link to this bear survival book with the article.
https://www.amazon.com/Bears-Want-Kill-Ethan-Nicolle/dp/B07R9TQYT6/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
(https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/619ANKRoUML.jpg)
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Heroic Trump Saves Indian Woman From Sniper's Bullet Aimed Directly At Her Forehead
https://babylonbee.com/news/heroic-trump-saves-indian-woman-from-snipers-bullet-aimed-directly-at-her-forehead
While everyone else wasn't observant enough to notice the targeting dot planted right on her forehead, Trump's famed observational skills and reaction time saved the day.
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-5654-2.jpg)
At publishing time, Trump had saved hundreds more women from would-be assassins all across the land.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/coronavirus-passes-over-houses-with-cfa-sauce
I knew it . . . I knew it . . .
-
Oh great .... cue massive run on Chic-fil-A in 3 .... 2 .... 1 ..... [tinfoil]
-
Oh great .... cue massive run on Chic-fil-A in 3 .... 2 .... 1 ..... [tinfoil]
That story was posted a day or 3 ago, but there's always a run at CFA.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-nerds-wake-up-in-utopia-where-everyone-stays-inside-sports-canceled-social-interaction-forbidden
Finally, my time has come!
-
That story was posted a day or 3 ago, but there's always a run at CFA.
For realz.
-
I got a chuckle out of this headline:
https://babylonbee.com/news/obamas-promise-to-donate-all-proceeds-from-multimillion-dollar-book-netflix-deals-to-combat-wealth-inequality (https://babylonbee.com/news/obamas-promise-to-donate-all-proceeds-from-multimillion-dollar-book-netflix-deals-to-combat-wealth-inequality)
Also the last line:
"At publishing time, the Obamas had released a video in which they committed to allowing refugees and undocumented immigrants to stay in their new mansion."
-
I got a chuckle out of this headline:
https://babylonbee.com/news/obamas-promise-to-donate-all-proceeds-from-multimillion-dollar-book-netflix-deals-to-combat-wealth-inequality (https://babylonbee.com/news/obamas-promise-to-donate-all-proceeds-from-multimillion-dollar-book-netflix-deals-to-combat-wealth-inequality)
Also the last line:
"At publishing time, the Obamas had released a video in which they committed to allowing refugees and undocumented immigrants to stay in their new mansion."
No doubt the refugees and illegals will turn down the cash, and ask for one of Michelle's hash-tags, instead.
-
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-6255-1.jpg)
https://babylonbee.com/news/time-names-karen-person-of-the-year
-
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-6255-1.jpg)
https://babylonbee.com/news/time-names-karen-person-of-the-year
:rofl:
-
The back and forth in this is [popcorn] time
Pastor dad warns that The Babylon Bee is ‘a white supremacist rag that exploits Christians for clicks’
https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2020/06/20/pastor-dad-warns-that-the-babylon-bee-is-a-white-supremacist-rag-that-exploits-christians-for-clicks/
-
It was only a matter of time before someone accused the Bee of racism. Something near and dear to his heart got satirized.
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ea97oT0XQAE8y6m?format=png&name=small)
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Glasses cleaning time. I read it as "...exports Christians for chicks."
-
The back and forth in this is [popcorn] time
Pastor dad warns that The Babylon Bee is ‘a white supremacist rag that exploits Christians for clicks’
https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2020/06/20/pastor-dad-warns-that-the-babylon-bee-is-a-white-supremacist-rag-that-exploits-christians-for-clicks/
When they say "racist", it doesn't seem to mean anything in particular.
-
When they say "racist", it doesn't seem to mean anything in particular.
Whites being racist toward blacks, at least in America, became a joke sometime around 2009. Not because a black guy was elected, but because the race card was finally so over-used, it just gave out.
Of course, that's just my opinion. When I hear that a white American has been racist, I tend to roll my eyes, or laugh. Unless, of course, the evidence shows it's true. Clearly, there are people still being fooled by the wolf-crying.
-
Meanings are getting badly blurred in the language, with connotative meanings being used for everything.
Racism is bad, but not everything bad is racist. I'm surprised that nobody is using the term "racist" to describe a 30-car pileup on the highway.
Hey, pileup bad. Racism bad. Therefore pileup is racist.
It may come to that sooner or later if everything is called racist.
-
(https://babylonbee.com/img/articles/article-6621-art5f18ca576c73b.jpg)
-
Racism is bad, but not everything bad is racist.
Boy, you have a lot to learn.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-might-not-accept-the-results-of-the-2020-election-says-movement-that-still-hasnt-accepted-results-of-2016-election/
'Trump Might Not Accept The Results Of The 2020 Election,' Says Movement That Still Hasn't Accepted Results Of 2016 Election
-
So the Babylon Bee is reporting real news now? When did that change?
-
So the Babylon Bee is reporting real news now? When did that change?
When the Marxists decided to make satire our lived reality.
-
I think it was about 1984.
-
Woke Polar Bear Apologizes For Being White
https://babylonbee.com/news/woke-polar-bear-apologizes-for-being-white?utm_content=bufferfdb34&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
The bear "got woke" after a leftist protesting the zoo for keeping animals in captivity bravely leaped into the bear's exhibit. After eating the protester, the polar bear picked up the book on critical race theory the woman had in her pocket and devoured it, first figuratively, then literally.
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Teachers Refusing To Go Back In The Fall Launch 'Every Child Left Behind' Movement
https://babylonbee.com/news/teachers-refusing-to-go-back-in-the-fall-launch-all-kids-left-behind-movement/?utm_content=buffer34273&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Teachers across the nation expressed their utmost thanks to the taxpayers and assured them that this was money well spent. “I am much more productive as a teacher thanks to the Every Child Left Behind movement. Now I can go run errands as I please and instead of grading papers I can binge Netflix!”
At publishing time, the teacher’s union was planning a series of strikes to continue the Every Child Left Behind movement until a cure for all sickness and death was found.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-criticizes-israel-arab-leaders-for-shaking-hands-in-the-middle-of-a-pandemic
That was funny, right up until it actually happened:
https://www.foxnews.com/media/cnn-shames-trumps-large-crowd-little-social-distancing-at-wh-event-marking-middle-east-peace-deal
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-criticizes-israel-arab-leaders-for-shaking-hands-in-the-middle-of-a-pandemic
That was funny, right up until it actually happened:
https://www.foxnews.com/media/cnn-shames-trumps-large-crowd-little-social-distancing-at-wh-event-marking-middle-east-peace-deal
Here's yer sign.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/u-haul-introduces-armored-war-rigs-for-californians-trying-to-flee-states-post-apocalyptic-wasteland
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/fisher-price-introduces-supreme-court-protest-playhouse-that-can-be-vandalized-and-burned-down
-
For those who haven't seen it yet, the Bee has its own YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/thebabylonbee
-
I'd never considered this...
How the hell do they know if the tear gas was working?
https://babylonbee.com/news/riot-police-unsure-if-their-tear-gas-worked-since-libs-were-already-crying-anyway
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The Cali DMV may require you to listen to a Greta sermon before leaving you alone. =)
BEN:
I was just about to ask about that. Apparently, they're almost done with you, but time will tell.
And IIRC, because of interstate agreements, they can still zing you on your new State's licensing and registration, yes? No?
-
BEN:
I was just about to ask about that. Apparently, they're almost done with you, but time will tell.
And IIRC, because of interstate agreements, they can still zing you on your new State's licensing and registration, yes? No?
:laugh:
From what I can tell, they are done with me. It took a couple of letters fore each vehicle, but I think it's done. If I don't get a demand to renew registration in FEB, then I should be in the clear.
-
:laugh:
From what I can tell, they are done with me. It took a couple of letters fore each vehicle, but I think it's done. If I don't get a demand to renew registration in FEB, then I should be in the clear.
Did you get a ballot?
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^ "ballot"
Heh-heh.
"representation"
"taxes"
Verrry good.
:rofl:
-
Offered without comment. :facepalm:
https://thefederalist.com/2020/10/20/facebook-demonetizes-satire-site-babylon-bee-claims-monty-python-spoof-incites-violence/
-
Offered without comment. :facepalm:
https://thefederalist.com/2020/10/20/facebook-demonetizes-satire-site-babylon-bee-claims-monty-python-spoof-incites-violence/
Gas lighting and financial blackballing a satire publication. Tells you what they consider a threat.
-
Navy moon base:
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2020/10/30/best-thread-ever-usa-today-fact-checked-the-babylon-bee-about-trump-wanting-a-space-navy-for-the-moon-but-then-the-real-u-s-navy-got-involved-and-rofl/
-
Navy moon base:
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2020/10/30/best-thread-ever-usa-today-fact-checked-the-babylon-bee-about-trump-wanting-a-space-navy-for-the-moon-but-then-the-real-u-s-navy-got-involved-and-rofl/
That is funny.
-
Navy moon base:
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2020/10/30/best-thread-ever-usa-today-fact-checked-the-babylon-bee-about-trump-wanting-a-space-navy-for-the-moon-but-then-the-real-u-s-navy-got-involved-and-rofl/
=D
-
Is Kubrick still around? They'll need him to fake the new, amphibious moon landing.
-
Is Kubrick still around? They'll need him to fake the new, amphibious moon landing.
No, he passed on a number of years ago.
At least that's the official story ...
-
Is Kubrick still around? They'll need him to fake the new, amphibious moon landing.
Nope, died in 1999
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/after-wiping-out-half-the-universe-thanos-calls-for-unity
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/article-7430-1.jpg)
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-ar-15-glows-blue-when-libs-are-near
U.S.—An American firearms manufacturer is making waves after unveiling a brand new AR-15 that glows blue whenever libs are nearby. Constructed with ancient elven technology from the forgotten land of Gondolin, this semi-automatic rifle will pulse with an ethereal blue light whenever it detects a democrat within a 100-yard radius.
...
"We are also working on a version for progressives that will glow red whenever there is a racist nearby," said the representative. "Unfortunately that seems to be malfunctioning because it only seems to glow around progressives. We're still working on it."
-
How many rounds would it take to make the barrel glow blue?
-
:rofl:
Immediately After Moving To Texas, Elon Musk Announces Tesla AR-15
https://babylonbee.com/news/to-celebrate-move-to-texas-tesla-introduces-battery-powered-ar-15
"We really wanted to re-think self-defense," said Musk. "This new firearm will be the go-to rifle for our SpaceX volunteers when they encounter hostile aliens. It's also a celebration of the Second Amendment. If any federal authorities try to confiscate it, the rifle will automatically connect to the internet and file a lawsuit for you!"
Comment on TTAG
After the bullet passes the sighted distance, the bullet comes back and reinsert itself down the barrel, and into a preloaded chamber ready to be fired again.
(It’s why the one bullet you have to buy is $4,800.)
https://www.thetruthaboutguns.com/no-the-tesla-ar-15-isnt-real-but-dont-you-wish-it-was/
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https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-to-defeat-skin-cancer-by-ordering-americans-to-wear-sunscreen-for-100-days
Biden To Defeat Skin Cancer By Ordering Americans To Avoid All Sunlight For 100 Days
According to sources, Biden's executive order will require all Americans to draw the shades on their windows and live in the basement under at least 3 blankets until 100 days have passed. Additionally, all references to sunshine, such as the song "You Are My Sunshine" and crayon drawings of the Sun in children's art will be strictly prohibited. Experts say this will "do something really scientific to save lives."
The Biden administration and other politicians will be given waivers to enjoy the sunshine outside since the stresses of their political positions require time to rest and relax.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/in-its-a-wonderful-life-remake-angel-tells-george-bailey-to-go-kill-himself-because-hes-white
In 'It's A Wonderful Life' Remake, Angel Tells George Bailey To Kill Himself Because He's White
The film will be only 20 minutes long and it will end with George Bailey asking forgiveness for his oppression. He then donates all his life insurance money to BLM and jumps off a bridge.
:facepalm:
-
Babylon Bee guide to MSM reporting:
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EpjiB0GXUAEY1L6?format=jpg&name=4096x4096)
-
Not sure if this goes here or in the Portland thread:
https://babylonbee.com/news/portland-overtakes-mos-eisley-as-most-wretched-hive-of-scum-and-villainy
-
But who shot first?
-
But who shot first?
Han shot. The end. No first or second. Han waxed Greedo like an antihero bawss.
-
Han shot. The end. No first or second. Han waxed Greedo like an antihero bawss.
https://youtu.be/IK_iw5Yps2M?t=306 (and f*** you George Lucas)
Han isn't the only one who shoots first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9eiXMPLcQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkr0bwV5YWE
https://youtu.be/JrYtD7gSWsI?t=40
-
(https://i.imgur.com/RSMmVFi.jpg)
-
https://youtu.be/IK_iw5Yps2M?t=306 (and f*** you George Lucas)
Han isn't the only one who shoots first:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PP9eiXMPLcQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mkr0bwV5YWE
https://youtu.be/JrYtD7gSWsI?t=40
That Firefly scene was one of the two scenes that had me loving that series.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NPRlHwwVIug
Here is the other one.
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Dire Report Warns Hospitals Are Filled To Capacity With Dancing TikTok Nurses
https://babylonbee.com/news/dire-report-warns-hospitals-are-filled-to-capacity-with-dancing-tiktok-nurses
Some hospitals are only 95% full of dancing nurses, but all the remaining space is being used for nurses to take judgmental glaring selfies telling people to "stay the f#$% home."
-
Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'
https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/conservative-liberal-clock-in-hurl-cliches-at-each-other-on-twitter-clock-out
-
https://babylonbee.com/video/30
New Disney Movie Tells Feminist Origin Story Of Xenomorph Queen
-
Didn't know whether to post this here or in the Dr. Seuss thread
Seuss Enterprises threatens to sue The Babylon Bee over satirical article on the Cat In The Hat and puberty blockers
https://twitchy.com/gregp-3534/2021/04/19/seuss-enterprises-threatens-to-sue-the-babylon-bee-over-satirical-article-on-the-cat-in-the-hat-and-puberty-blockers/
-
https://babylonbee.com/video/30
I must have missed this. There is a great deal of truth here. After all they seem to be trying to turn Cruella De Vil into sympathetic character through a prequel movie. I guess she was just trying to save a bunch of Dalmatian puppies from a life of hardship and starvation. Their writers and idea people are pathetic.
-
I must have missed this. There is a great deal of truth here. After all they seem to be trying to turn Cruella De Vil into sympathetic character through a prequel movie. I guess she was just trying to save a bunch of Dalmatian puppies from a life of hardship and starvation. Their writers and idea people are pathetic.
Well the puppies were white
-
Well the puppies were white
Yes, they were white with black spots. If they were black with white spots, everything would be okay. =D
-
Yes, they were white with black spots. If they were black with white spots, everything would be okay. =D
If I recall correctly in the live action movie she's shocked and disappointed that the puppies are all white when she first sees them and then it's explained to her that they're born all white and that the spots come later.
-
If I recall correctly in the live action movie she's shocked and disappointed that the puppies are all white when she first sees them and then it's explained to her that they're born all white and that the spots come later.
It's the same in the original. I've never seen the live action remake or any other disgraceful attempts to recapitalize on the less-sucky eras of disney movies.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/23-of-galaxy-believes-they-are-more-unified-since-palpatine-became-emperor
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/23-of-galaxy-believes-they-are-more-unified-since-palpatine-became-emperor
I could not believe it when I read the article the BB is making fun of here. How the *expletive deleted*ck stupid are people? The MSM really thinks they can get away with anything.
-
In other news Babylon Bee calls it quits because they discover they can't out do the MSM and the democrats anymore
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I could not believe it when I read the article the BB is making fun of here. How the *expletive deleted*ck stupid are people? The MSM really thinks they can get away with anything.
I vaguely understand the Star Wars reference, but don't know what MSM silliness they are mocking. Did a quick news search on "23%" and came up blank. (odd that the BB article didn't show up)
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I vaguely understand the Star Wars reference, but don't know what MSM silliness they are mocking. Did a quick news search on "23%" and came up blank. (odd that the BB article didn't show up)
https://twitter.com/ABC/status/1388968935828213764
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Meanwhile
Seth Dillon
@SethDillon
Yesterday our counsel sent a letter to @nytimes demanding a retraction. We took this action because their article was—and remains—defamatory.
Seth Dillon
@SethDillon
In an article about Facebook's difficulty in dealing with satire, the New York Times points to The Babylon Bee as an example of a "far-right misinformation site" that "sometimes trafficked in misinformation under the guise of satire."
‘We cannot stand idly by’: Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon announces legal action against NYT for ‘defamatory’ article
https://twitchy.com/sarahd-313035/2021/06/03/we-cannot-stand-idly-by-babylon-bee-ceo-seth-dillon-announces-legal-action-against-nyt-for-defamatory-article/
[popcorn]
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... Did a quick news search on "23%" and came up blank...
I think that may be the actual percentage of the vote Biden got in the last election.
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I vaguely understand the Star Wars reference, but don't know what MSM silliness they are mocking. Did a quick news search on "23%" and came up blank. (odd that the BB article didn't show up)
There was an article that reported something like "Of the people who think the country is more united now than under Trump, 87% credit Biden"
Once you dug into the actual numbers, only 23% of respondents believed that the country was more united.
I think this was the article: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/country-optimistic-bidens-1st-100-days-poll/story?id=77440236
It may have been a tweet that focused on the 87% number.
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There was an article that reported something like "Of the people who think the country is more united now than under Trump, 87% credit Biden"
Once you dug into the actual numbers, only 23% of respondents believed that the country was more united.
I think this was the article: https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/country-optimistic-bidens-1st-100-days-poll/story?id=77440236
It may have been a tweet that focused on the 87% number.
In other news the daily chocolate ration has gone up from 12 grams to 8.
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In other news the daily chocolate ration has gone up from 12 grams to 8.
Okay George. >:D :old:
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Ahem ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/toobin-gets-off-easy
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Waldo Much Easier To Find After Becoming Woke
https://babylonbee.com/news/waldo-much-easier-to-find-after-becoming-woke
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Lockheed-Martin CEO pleads for a no-fly zone over Ukraine:
https://babylonbee.com/news/lockheed-martin-ceo-tearfully-urges-us-to-implement-no-fly-zone
"Just think of the stockholders, um, I mean—the innocent civilians in Ukraine!" he said, wiping tears from his eyes. "Imagine how safe they'll be as our multi-billion-dollar F-35s, Stalker UAS drones, or S-97 Raiders patrol the skies! Please! Someone must do something! For the children!"
...
Biden is said to be considering a no-fly zone as soon as aides finish explaining to him what a no-fly zone is, what a "Ukraine" is, and who the President is.
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Not satire: The Babylon Bee has been banned from TikTok. No explanation given.
https://www.dailywire.com/news/babylon-bee-banned-from-chinese-owned-tiktok
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Too often too close to the truth
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6. Gives you a respectful nod when you order black coffee: The official drink of red-pilled white cis-males.
yep
10 Ways To Spot The Closeted Conservative Working At Starbucks
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-ways-to-spot-the-closeted-conservative-working-at-starbucks
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Entire Professional Soccer Team Dead After Team Bus Goes Over Slight Speed Bump
https://babylonbee.com/news/entire-professional-soccer-team-dead-after-team-bus-goes-over-slight-speedbump
"It was gruesome; every player was flopping around, holding their heads, chests, and knees, screaming in pain," said the bus driver, who miraculously walked away from the incident without a scratch. "Despite the surprising lack of blood, they all died."
This tragedy comes just days after a professional soccer player was killed during a televised match after being struck head-on by a raging mosquito. The mosquito survived the incident.
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yep
10 Ways To Spot The Closeted Conservative Working At Starbucks
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-ways-to-spot-the-closeted-conservative-working-at-starbucks
A few years ago, I got into a conversation with a Starbucks barista, about the price of ammo. I guess that guy was not so closeted.
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I pulled some money out of my pocket at a Mickey D's and a 5.56 round came with it.
Counter guy looked at it and said "sorry, we don't have change for those."
I laughed.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/man-pretending-to-be-woman-visits-man-pretending-to-be-president
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The Bee dares to imagine true freedom for womyns.
https://youtu.be/ipafibUmnFM
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'Tis the season ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/linus-van-pelt-banned-from-community-theater-for-reciting-bible-verse
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Fun New 'Antifa On The Shelf' Doll Burns Down Different Part Of Your House Every Night
https://babylonbee.com/news/fun-new-antifa-on-the-shelf-doll-burns-down-different-part-of-your-house-every-night
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:rofl:
Meet Kamala Harris's 6-Year-Old Speechwriter
https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1602808542464905216
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:rofl:
Meet Kamala Harris's 6-Year-Old Speechwriter
https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1602808542464905216
=D
That would explain things a little. He looks too much like Trump for this to be 100% believable.
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=D
That would explain things a little. He looks too much like Trump for this to be 100% believable.
Trump's hair was a lot darker when he was 6 years old than it is now.
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Panic Erupts On Delta Flight As Captain Of Female Crew Announces That 'Everything's Fine'
https://babylonbee.com/news/panic-on-delta-flight-as-captain-of-female-crew-announces-that-everythings-fine
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List Of Side Effects From Drug Commercial Just Sounds Like 40-Year-Old Man's Typical Tuesday Afternoon
https://babylonbee.com/news/list-of-side-effects-from-drug-commercial-just-sounds-like-40-year-old-mans-typical-tuesday-afternoon
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Mario Arrested For Hate Crime After Leaving Skid Marks On Rainbow Road
https://babylonbee.com/news/mario-arrested-for-hate-crime-after-leaving-skid-marks-on-rainbow-road
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Mario Arrested For Hate Crime After Leaving Skid Marks On Rainbow Road
https://babylonbee.com/news/mario-arrested-for-hate-crime-after-leaving-skid-marks-on-rainbow-road
This isn't the first one of these (in the real news) that has happened. If it wasn't another rainbow crosswalk, it was like a BLM or something crosswalk.
Seriously, do these people not know how streets work? While I will go along with "done on purpose", so what? If it wasn't done on purpose all at once, it would have been done under normal driving conditions over some days.
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This isn't the first one of these (in the real news) that has happened. If it wasn't another rainbow crosswalk, it was like a BLM or something crosswalk.
Seriously, do these people not know how streets work? While I will go along with "done on purpose", so what? If it wasn't done on purpose all at once, it would have been done under normal driving conditions over some days.
Yep
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Tucker Carlson Obtains 40,000 Unseen Hours Of Biden Falling Down Air Force One Stairs
https://babylonbee.com/news/tucker-carlson-obtains-40000-unseen-hours-of-biden-falling-down-air-force-one-stairs
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:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Parents Warn Kids If They Don't Behave They'll Take Them To Applebee's
https://babylonbee.com/news/parents-warn-kids-if-they-dont-behave-theyll-take-them-to-applebees
-
Kid Sadly Realizes He's Too Intelligent To Ever Become President One Day
https://babylonbee.com/news/kid-sadly-realizes-hes-too-intelligent-to-ever-become-president-one-day
-
Chinese Spy Assigned To Date Eric Swalwell Begs To Be Sent To Labor Camp Instead
https://babylonbee.com/news/chinese-spy-assigned-to-date-eric-swalwell-begs-to-be-sent-to-labor-camp-instead
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Revised Hospital Chart Has Patients Rate Pain On Scale From Zero To Watching 'The View'
https://babylonbee.com/news/revised-hospital-chart-has-patients-rate-pain-on-scale-from-one-to-watching-the-view
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Female Crash Test Dummy Says She Doesn't Know How Car Got Totaled
https://babylonbee.com/news/female-crash-test-dummy-says-she-doesnt-know-how-car-got-totaled
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Female Crash Test Dummy Says She Doesn't Know How Car Got Totaled
https://babylonbee.com/news/female-crash-test-dummy-says-she-doesnt-know-how-car-got-totaled
What about the other 6,542,709 genders?
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What about the other 6,542,709 genders?
Are there that many?
We're gonna need bigger flags, and a WHOLE lot of colorfast dye.
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Are there that many?
We're gonna need bigger flags, and a WHOLE lot of colorfast dye.
It is all the same colors to most people. Some just see different shades and have silly names for them. It is all in their head.
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Are there that many?
We're gonna need bigger flags, and a WHOLE lot of colorfast dye.
2022 pride flag:
(https://i.imgur.com/JcPMDPf.jpg)
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(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/52845430516_53e88e175c_z.jpg) (https://flic.kr/p/2ovLDom)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-announces-hes-been-told-hes-running-again-in-2024
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Buttigieg Announces Closure Of Interstate System For 8-10 Days As Highways Undergo Racial Sensitivity Training
https://babylonbee.com/news/buttigieg-announces-closure-of-interstate-system-for-8-10-days-as-highways-undergo-racial-sensitivity-training
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Pete the Butt is also working on a plan that would allow Interstate highways to choose their own direction. Previously, under the white cis normal patriarchy, highways with even numbers were forced to flow East-West, and those with odd numbers North-South, with no deviation allowed for the highway's personal preferences.
He's recruiting a team of woke transdirectionists who will berate each highway into picking its correct direction.
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A.I. Calculates It Will Be More Efficient To Just Let Humanity Destroy Itself
https://babylonbee.com/news/ai-calculates-it-wil-be-more-efficient-to-just-let-humanity-destroy-itself
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Hollywood Movie Quality Expected To Improve Exponentially As Writers Go On Strike
https://babylonbee.com/news/hollywood-movie-quality-improves-exponentially-amid-writers-strike
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How to stop bad guys in a gun free utopia:
https://youtu.be/-DzginiUVUY
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/nashville-shooter-manifesto-placed-in-secure-crate-alongside-motive-for-vegas-shooting-epstein-client-list-ark-of-the-covenant
-
How to stop bad guys in a gun free utopia:
https://youtu.be/-DzginiUVUY
Wrong. No guns means no criminals, obviously.
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This one is savage:
God, I Thank You That I Am Not Like Other White Evangelicals - Op-Ed By David French
https://babylonbee.com/news/god-i-thank-you-that-i-am-not-like-other-white-evangelicals---op-ed-by-david-french (https://babylonbee.com/news/god-i-thank-you-that-i-am-not-like-other-white-evangelicals---op-ed-by-david-french)
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Southern Poverty Law Center Classifies Everyone Not Currently Wearing A Pride Shirt As A Hate Group
https://babylonbee.com/news/southern-poverty-law-center-classifies-everyone-not-currently-wearing-a-pride-shirt-as-a-hate-group
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Southern Poverty Law Center Classifies Everyone Not Currently Wearing A Pride Shirt As A Hate Group
https://babylonbee.com/news/southern-poverty-law-center-classifies-everyone-not-currently-wearing-a-pride-shirt-as-a-hate-group
Dang it. I thought I had until 1 June to don my pride shirt. =(
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Southern Poverty Law Center Classifies Everyone Not Currently Wearing A Pride Shirt As A Hate Group
https://babylonbee.com/news/southern-poverty-law-center-classifies-everyone-not-currently-wearing-a-pride-shirt-as-a-hate-group
This is not the Babylon Bee anymore. At this point, if you make a comment, ask a question, or say anything at all, even, "Nice weather today", without also inserting, "Also, trans people are great", you are a hate group.
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This is not the Babylon Bee anymore. At this point, if you make a comment, ask a question, or say anything at all, even, "Nice weather today", without also inserting, "Also, trans people are great", you are a hate group.
IMO, that is one of the reasons so many people jumped on the bandwagon to boycott Bud Lite and AB products in general. A LOT of people are upset by this crap and are just looking for something they can do about it.
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https://babylonbee.com/news/dodgers-surpass-cowboys-as-gayest-team-in-sports
Yes. Yes it is.
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Dang it. I thought I had until 1 June to don my pride shirt. =(
What's June first?
-
What's June first?
This year it's a Thursday. =D
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What's June first?
Start of pride month if you really want to know. Free Bud Light for everyone! Weeeeeee
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Oh, then "Dang it. I thought I had to wait until 1 June to don my pride shirt =(" would have made sense to me.
Damned decaf coffee. =D
-
I knew it!
https://babylonbee.com/news/damning-leak-reveals-matt-walsh-knew-what-a-woman-was-this-whole-time
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"On top of that, I also found out he's still subscribed to Harry's Razors. I feel like I don't even know him."
=D
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https://babylonbee.com/news/strange-female-pastor-gives-hellfire-and-brimstone-sermon-once-every-month-or-so
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Pride Month Shocker: Bert & Ernie Come Out As Straight
https://babylonbee.com/news/pride-month-shocker-bert--ernie-come-out-as-straight
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Powerful: LeBron James Pulls Over To Lecture Homeless Man On His White Privilege
https://babylonbee.com/news/powerful-lebron-james-pulls-over-to-lecture-homeless-man-on-his-white-privilege
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Woke Parents Tour Christian College
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTRqZ-M0D_Y
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Woke Parents Tour Christian College
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTRqZ-M0D_Y
That was awesome. The teenage daughter, disinterested and with her face in her phone the whole time but secretly listening (if for no other reason than to correct her mother) was played perfectly. The John MacArthur cameo at the end was unexpected, :lol: especially the daughter actually engaging with him when her parents were gone.
Turns out, that's a real university in California, and John MacArthur is the prez. They apparently collaborated with The Bee to do a commercial. 👍
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Hmmm - I may have missed it, but has the Southern Poverty Law Center designated Master's University and the Babylon Bee as right wing white supremacist transphobic hate groups yet?
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That was awesome. The teenage daughter, disinterested and with her face in her phone the whole time but secretly listening (if for no other reason than to correct her mother) was played perfectly. The John MacArthur cameo at the end was unexpected, :lol: especially the daughter actually engaging with him when her parents were gone.
Turns out, that's a real university in California, and John MacArthur is the prez. They apparently collaborated with The Bee to do a commercial. 👍
Big yikes.
-
Unsure if this belongs here or in the gun control thread:
https://babylonbee.com/news/stormtroopers-now-deathly-accurate-after-adding-pistol-braces-to-all-their-blasters
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/64a856ad9d58b64a856ad9d58c.jpg)
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https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-indicted-for-the-1996-murder-of-tupac-shakur
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Survey: Number 1 Quality Men Look For In A Wife Is A Woman Who Will Fight Off Invisible Lizard People On The Plane Who Aren't Real
https://babylonbee.com/news/survey-all-men-want-in-a-wife-is-a-woman-who-will-fight-off-invisible-lizard-people-on-the-plane-who-arent-real
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This one knocked off some cobwebs
Sociologists: Western Civilization Began Its Decline When McDonald's Took Out Those Little Cheeseburger Stools
https://babylonbee.com/news/sociologists-western-civilization-began-its-decline-when-mcdonalds-took-out-those-little-cheeseburger-chairs
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The Biggest Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-biggest-pros-and-cons-of-living-in-each-state
Kentucky
Pro: Resting place of Noah's actual ark.
Con: No one can agree on how Louisville is pronounced. This is actually what started the American Civil War.
The "No one can agree on how Louisville is pronounced" is factual
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The Biggest Pros And Cons Of Living In Each State
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-biggest-pros-and-cons-of-living-in-each-state
The "No one can agree on how Louisville is pronounced" is factual
Ha ha, it took me a minute to get the Brian Stelter / Idaho joke. :rofl:
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Ha ha, it took me a minute to get the Brian Stelter / Idaho joke. :rofl:
You may have to explain that one to me.
-
You may have to explain that one to me.
Brian Stelter, AKA Mr Potatohead. Idaho, AKA potatoho.
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Brian Stelter, AKA Mr Potatohead. Idaho, AKA potatoho.
Thanks :rofl:
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Liberal Dies On Toilet While Awaiting CDC Guidance On How To Wipe
https://babylonbee.com/news/liberal-dies-on-toilet-while-awaiting-cdc-guidance-on-how-to-wipe
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/large-turnout-for-memorial-for-hans-gruber-who-was-thrown-from-a-building-by-a-police-officer
German lives matter.
-
Democrats Scramble To Find Replacement For Retiring Mitt Romney
https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-scramble-to-find-replacement-for-retiring-mitt-romney
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Audience Cheers As Apple Unveils First Carbon-Neutral Uyghur Slave Camp
https://babylonbee.com/news/audience-cheers-as-apple-unveils-first-carbon-neutral-uyghur-slave-camp
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Philadelphia Shoe Stores, Liquor Stores, Electronics Stores Looted By Starving People Desperately Looking For Bread
https://babylonbee.com/news/philadelphia-shoe-stores-liquor-stores-electronics-stores-looted-by-starving-people-desperately-looking-for-bread
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Looters Completely Ignore Foot Locker Referee Blowing His Whistle
https://babylonbee.com/news/looters-completely-ignore-foot-locker-referee-blowing-his-whistle
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/senator-feinstein-death-not-expected-to-affect-re-election-campaign
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/senator-feinstein-death-not-expected-to-affect-re-election-campaign
Oof!
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Wife Frustrated That Husband Doesn't Realize She Wants Him To Be Quiet And Also Talk To Her And Also Leave Her Alone And Also Come Talk To Her
https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-frustrated-that-husband-doesnt-realize-she-wants-him-to-be-quiet-and-also-talk-to-her-and-also-leave-her-alone-and-also-come-talk-to-her
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Wife Frustrated That Husband Doesn't Realize She Wants Him To Be Quiet And Also Talk To Her And Also Leave Her Alone And Also Come Talk To Her
https://babylonbee.com/news/wife-frustrated-that-husband-doesnt-realize-she-wants-him-to-be-quiet-and-also-talk-to-her-and-also-leave-her-alone-and-also-come-talk-to-her
I have been that guy. Bit of a disagreement. Fiancee asked what I thought, then immediately followed with, "Never mind. I know what you'e going to say and I don't want to hear it."
So I left the room and went to bed. Half an hour later she woke me up and chewed me out for not communicating.
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Crew Moving Pelosi Out Of Office Crushed To Death By Empty Wine Bottles
https://babylonbee.com/news/crew-moving-pelosi-out-of-office-crushed-to-death-by-empty-wine-bottles
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Crew Moving Pelosi Out Of Office Crushed To Death By Empty Wine Bottles
https://babylonbee.com/news/crew-moving-pelosi-out-of-office-crushed-to-death-by-empty-wine-bottles
What? Not buried under an avalanche of empty super premium ice cream cartons?
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What? Not buried under an avalanche of empty super premium ice cream cartons?
That wouldn't be all that bad, so the joke wouldn't work. Sticky, maybe. Wine bottles are heavy.
-
I was thinking specifically of that interview she did in the early days of the COVID shut downs where she showed that huge freezer just stuffed full of super premium ice cream at a time when tens of thousands were losing their jobs and worrying about how they were simply going to eat, let alone snack.
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I was thinking specifically of that interview she did in the early days of the COVID shut downs where she showed that huge freezer just stuffed full of super premium ice cream at a time when tens of thousands were losing their jobs and worrying about how they were simply going to eat, let alone snack.
:) I knew the reference, just saying it wouldn't work in the joke without a *lot* more suspension of disbelief.
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And dying in a crush of wine bottles is perfectly believable.
O....... K.......
:rofl:
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Bigfoot Spotted Near U.S. Capitol
https://babylonbee.com/news/bigfoot-spotted-near-us-capitol
-
^^^^^
I intentionally didn't post that in a certain other thread so as to not give away the joke.
-
Powerball Winner Revealed To Be Hispanic California Resident Volodymyro Zelensko
https://babylonbee.com/news/powerball-winner-revealed-to-be-hispanic-california-resident-vladimiro-zelensko
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Dodgers Wondering If They Should Have Spent More Time Training For Playoffs And Less Time Honoring Satanic Drag Nuns
https://babylonbee.com/news/dodgers-wondering-if-they-should-have-spent-more-time-training-for-playoffs-and-less-time-honoring-satan-drag-nuns
-
Hasn't the Sacramento Bee newspaper taken enough abuse by these cruel parodies by now? Underdog-lovers unite in protest!
(https://duckduckgo.com/i/10260f9b.jpg)
I'll have to get my bullhorn out of storage to lead a mostly peaceful riot over this terrible injustice!
I hope the battery's still good.
Terry, "One Of The People," 230RN
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/dodgers-wondering-if-they-should-have-spent-more-time-training-for-playoffs-and-less-time-honoring-satan-drag-nuns
-
Gavin Newsom Visits Xi Jinping To Get More Ideas On How To Run California
https://babylonbee.com/news/gavin-newsom-visits-xi-jinping-to-get-more-ideas-on-how-to-run-california
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Gavin Newsom Visits Xi Jinping To Get More Ideas On How To Run California
https://babylonbee.com/news/gavin-newsom-visits-xi-jinping-to-get-more-ideas-on-how-to-run-california
The article is on a parody site, but it's more true than not.
-
Bored Journalist Sick And Tired Of Flawless U.S. President
https://babylonbee.com/news/bored-journalist-sick-and-tired-of-flawless-us-president
"I'm just sick and tired of having a President so free of fault or blemish that I have nothing to write about," said Peter Baker, chief White House correspondent for The New York Times. "One can write only so many repetitive articles announcing popular, non-controversial executive orders before wishing the President would trip, or maybe muddle his words. Ugh, anything."
-
The article is on a parody site, but it's more true than not.
Should be "ruin", not "run."
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Zombie Wandering Capitol Hill In Search Of Brains Starves To Death
https://babylonbee.com/news/zombie-wandering-capitol-hill-in-search-of-brains-starves-to-death
:rofl:
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McDonald's Now Offering 36-Month, 0% Interest Financing On All Value Meals
https://babylonbee.com/news/mcdonalds-now-offering-36-month-0-interest-financing-on-all-value-meals
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McDonald's Now Offering 36-Month, 0% Interest Financing On All Value Meals
https://babylonbee.com/news/mcdonalds-now-offering-36-month-0-interest-financing-on-all-value-meals
And again, more real than not. I was shocked at the price jumps when I looked at the McCrapple's menu online the other week. If I'm going to pay that freaking much for lunch, I'm going to go to IHOP.
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And again, more real than not. I was shocked at the price jumps when I looked at the McCrapple's menu online the other week. If I'm going to pay that freaking much for lunch, I'm going to go to IHOP.
Tell me about.
Hadn't been to a McD in quite a while but stop in recently and ordered two Big Macs and a large fry. Total, almost $15. WTF? It wasn't that long ago it was ~$6
I can get a 8oz steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse for $16. A 6oz for $14!
-
The Bee strikes again, this time in video format.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zu1M_5I_TcM?feature=share
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Tell me about.
Hadn't been to a McD in quite a while but stop in recently and ordered two Big Macs and a large fry. Total, almost $15. WTF? It wasn't that long ago it was ~$6
I can get a 8oz steak dinner at Texas Roadhouse for $16. A 6oz for $14!
The last couple of weekends I've been using the McCrapple's app to do a buy one get one free on the chicken & biscuit breakfast sandwiches. Not great, but decently OK for a "I don't have to cook myself breakfast" breakfast.
The second that app promo goes away, I go away.
-
The Bee strikes again, this time in video format.
https://www.youtube.com/shorts/zu1M_5I_TcM?feature=share
That is pretty good. The crowd should have been more diverse, but that might have gotten them kicked off youtube. =)
-
No they didn't :rofl:
Spooky! Lori Lightfoot Dresses Up As Lori Lightfoot
https://babylonbee.com/news/spooky-lori-lightfoot-dresses-up-as-lori-lightfoot
-
Portland Neighborhood Terrified By Residents Dressed Up As Normal Middle-Class Family
https://babylonbee.com/news/portland-neighborhood-terrified-by-residents-dressed-up-as-loving-nuclear-family
-
Secret Service Mistakenly Spends Four Hours Protecting Halloween Butler Decoration
https://babylonbee.com/news/secret-service-mistakenly-spends-four-hours-protecting-halloween-butler-decoration
D.C. Parents Warn Trick-Or-Treaters To Avoid Big House Where Creepy Old Man Lives
https://babylonbee.com/news/dc-parents-warn-trick-or-treaters-to-avoid-big-house-where-creepy-old-man-lives
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Weird: Halloween Over But Colin Kaepernick Is Still Pretending To Be A Football Player
https://babylonbee.com/news/weird-halloween-is-over-but-colin-kaepernick-is-still-pretending-to-be-a-football-player
Dad Sadly Informs Kids A Robber Broke In Last Night And Only Stole Their Reese's Cups
https://babylonbee.com/news/dad-sadly-informs-kids-a-robber-broke-in-last-night-and-only-stole-their-reeses-cups
Terrifying Haunted House Where They Rip Humans Limb From Limb Actually Just A Planned Parenthood
https://babylonbee.com/news/terrifying-haunted-house-where-they-rip-humans-limb-from-limb-actually-just-a-planned-parenthood
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Neighbors Nervously Ask Hillary Clinton If She's Gonna Take Those Dead Body Decorations Down Now That Halloween Is Over
https://babylonbee.com/news/neighbors-nervously-ask-hillary-clinton-if-shes-gonna-take-those-dead-body-decorations-down-now-that-halloween-is-over
-
Stop Appropriating Ghost Culture On Halloween
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksPW11tjXAM&t=3s
-
Boomer’s Phone Photo Album Composed Entirely Of Accidental Screenshots
https://babylonbee.com/news/boomers-phone-photo-album-composed-entirely-of-accidental-screenshots
-
Boomer’s Phone Photo Album Composed Entirely Of Accidental Screenshots
https://babylonbee.com/news/boomers-phone-photo-album-composed-entirely-of-accidental-screenshots
Ha ha - I attribute those on my phone from pulling a phone with right hand buttons out of my pocket with my left hand, but "boomer" works for me too. :laugh:
-
Boomer’s Phone Photo Album Composed Entirely Of Accidental Screenshots
https://babylonbee.com/news/boomers-phone-photo-album-composed-entirely-of-accidental-screenshots
About once a week I go into my gallery and delete the latest round of unintended screen captures...
-
What's a screen capture, and where do I look for my screen shot album?
-
A screen capture is literally a picture of your screen at the moment it's taken.
Have a game going and take a screen capture? You get a still picture of the game at that instance in time.
Taking a screen capture usually requires pressing two buttons on your phone at the same time.
Android phones like Samsungs usually store screen captures in the same folder it stores pictures you take with your phone camera. On my Samsung 20, there's a app button called Gallery that opens the pictures.
-
Planned Parenthood Says Proper Term For Unborn Baby Is Now 'Womb Colonizer'
https://babylonbee.com/news/planned-parenthood-says-proper-term-for-unborn-baby-is-womb-colonizer
-
What's a screen capture, and where do I look for my screen shot album?
A screen capture is literally a picture of your screen at the moment it's taken.
Have a game going and take a screen capture? You get a still picture of the game at that instance in time.
Taking a screen capture usually requires pressing two buttons on your phone at the same time.
Android phones like Samsungs usually store screen captures in the same folder it stores pictures you take with your phone camera. On my Samsung 20, there's a app button called Gallery that opens the pictures.
Sarcasm, Sheldon.
-
"Sarcasm, Sheldon."
I thought as much, but given that you're officially older than dirt, I figured I'd err on the side of caution in case you were having trouble figuring out how to get screen captures on your Motorola flip phone.
Speaking of telephone history, some day you've really got to tell us the stories about how you baby sat for Alexander Graham Bell...
-
Headline in the subscriber section
Local Man Relieved Wife Finally Stopped Bugging Him About Taking Down Christmas Lights
-
"Sarcasm, Sheldon."
I thought as much, but given that you're officially older than dirt, I figured I'd err on the side of caution in case you were having trouble figuring out how to get screen captures on your Motorola flip phone.
Speaking of telephone history, some day you've really got to tell us the stories about how you baby sat for Alexander Graham Bell...
I thought by that point in his career he was already senior editor for Frank Leslie's Illustrated Newspaper.
-
I thought by that point in his career he was already senior editor for Frank Leslie's Illustrated Newspaper.
Babysitting was his side hustle.
Back when he could still hustle... :rofl:
-
More Grocery Stores Installing Defibrillators At Checkout For When You See Your Total
https://babylonbee.com/news/more-grocery-stores-installing-defibrillators-at-checkout-for-when-you-see-your-total
-
Public School Libraries: Then Vs. Now
https://babylonbee.com/news/public-school-libraries-then-vs-now
Then: There were 9 planets, as you could learn from any of the astronomy books.
Now: There are still 9 planets, but all the dumb books say there are only 8 for some dumb reason.
This!
-
I can relate to this with my daughter
Husband Hospitalized After Being Crushed By Avalanche Of Wife's Bottles Falling From Shower Shelf
https://babylonbee.com/news/husband-hospitalized-after-being-crushed-by-avalanche-of-wifes-78-bottles-falling-from-shower-shelf
-
Man Suspicious Count Chocula Not Really 'Part Of A Complete Breakfast'
https://babylonbee.com/news/man-suspicious-count-chocula-not-really-part-of-a-complete-breakfast
-
New Grand Theft Auto Game Will Have Unlockable ‘Soros DA Mode’ Where All Crime Is Legal
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-gta-game-will-have-unlockable-soros-da-mode-where-all-crime-is-legal
-
8 Horrific Atrocities And How NBC News Reported Them
https://babylonbee.com/news/8-horrific-atrocities-and-how-nbc-news-reported-them
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-game-call-of-duty-rittenhouse-lets-you-defend-your-home-from-a-horde-of-bloodthirsty-communists
-
https://everydaymonkey.com/artist-plans-to-paint-all-151-original-pokemon-in-renaissance-style/
I'm not a Pokemonger (or whatever they call themselves), and I can't say his talent is on par with the masters, but I dig the concept.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-game-call-of-duty-rittenhouse-lets-you-defend-your-home-from-a-horde-of-bloodthirsty-communists
How am I just now seeing this? :facepalm:
-
How am I just now seeing this? :facepalm:
Because it was published today.
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-game-call-of-duty-rittenhouse-lets-you-defend-your-home-from-a-horde-of-bloodthirsty-communists
(https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/facebook/000/005/574/takemymoney.jpg)
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Because it was published today.
It says 2021.
-
It says 2021.
Guess I need new reading glasses.
-
Neighbor Announces Plans To Run Leafblower Non-Stop Forever
https://babylonbee.com/news/neighbor-announces-plans-to-run-leafblower-non-stop-forever
Sheaps says his six-cylinder, turbo-prop, high-capacity, zero-muffler leafblower will remain on until the earth falls into the ever-burning seas of the sun or until trees stop dropping their goshdarn leaves.
-
#5 :rofl:
10 Qualifications To Teach At Harvard
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-qualifications-to-teach-at-harvard
-
From 2020, but hey humor doesn't have an expiration date
Madden Now Allows You To Select Greta Thunberg As Your QB
https://babylonbee.com/news/madden-now-allows-you-to-select-greta-thunberg-as-your-qb
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In a groundbreaking study conducted by the Institute of Essential Masculinity, researchers have discovered that the key to a man's happiness is a simple yet effective solution: regular flyovers by the iconic A-10 Warthog.
"Forget therapy, forget expensive hobbies, all you need is the sweet sound of freedom roaring overhead," Lead researcher, Dr. Chuck "Maverick" Thompson, explained. "After years of rigorous research involving thousands of men from all walks of life, we can confidently say that the happiness quotient of any man can be significantly boosted by the unmistakable sound of an A-10 Warthog tearing through the sky with its 30mm Vulcan blazing."
"BRRRRRRRRRRRT!" he added.
Man's Day Sure Would Brighten Up If An A-10 Warthog Would Fly Overhead Right About Now
https://babylonbee.com/news/mans-day-sure-would-brighten-up-if-an-a-10-warthog-would-fly-overhead-right-about-now
BTW: Avenger not Vulcan
-
Headline from the subscriber section
Alec Baldwin Makes Surprise ‘SNL’ Cameo, 15 Injured
-
Newsom Says Homeless Camp Pallet Fire Was Caused By Climate Change
https://babylonbee.com/news/newsom-says-homeless-camp-pallet-fire-was-caused-by-climate-change
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/senate-to-be-replaced-with-room-full-of-monkeys-throwing-feces
... and no one will notice.
-
The Bee Has Obtained The Biden-Controlled FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted List
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-bee-has-obtained-the-biden-controlled-fbis-top-10-most-wanted-list
-
After Five Minutes With Biden, Xi Gives Order To Invade Taiwan
https://babylonbee.com/news/after-five-minutes-with-biden-xi-gives-order-to-invade-taiwan
-
Man's Day Sure Would Brighten Up If An A-10 Warthog Would Fly Overhead Right About Now
https://babylonbee.com/news/mans-day-sure-would-brighten-up-if-an-a-10-warthog-would-fly-overhead-right-about-now
BTW: Avenger not Vulcan
At publishing time, it was reported that a man who saw a massive A-10 Warthog thunder overhead at the same time as an old M4 Sherman tank drove by immediately died of happiness.
😂
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F_DRz8pXYAA2P_p?format=jpg&name=small)
-
President Xi Arrives To Inspect Newest Chinese Colony
https://babylonbee.com/news/president-xi-arrives-to-inspect-his-colony-in-the-americas
-
President Xi Arrives To Inspect Newest Chinese Colony
https://babylonbee.com/news/president-xi-arrives-to-inspect-his-colony-in-the-americas
Sometimes I wonder if the writers at BB know things about the future that we don't.
-
Sometimes I wonder if the writers at BB know things about the future that we don't.
They're just observing the present.
-
Chick-Fil-A Adds Tire Rotation, Oil Change, Car Wash, Tax Service To Drive-Thru Lanes
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-adds-tire-rotation-oil-change-car-wash-tax-service-to-drive-thru-lanes
-
Chick-Fil-A Adds Tire Rotation, Oil Change, Car Wash, Tax Service To Drive-Thru Lanes
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-adds-tire-rotation-oil-change-car-wash-tax-service-to-drive-thru-lanes
I don't get it.
-
I don't get it.
Chick-Fil-A is notorious for long drive-through lines. So if you're going to be there anyway, you may as well get some work done.
-
Long lines, but Jesus Chik'n moves those lines faster than anyone else.
We had a fire drill at our one office the other week. Had us outside for quite awhile because they were doing inspections, as well.
When we went back in they had CFA chicken and sausage biscuits for us.
I'm still not sure why CFA biscuits are so freaking popular. They're OK, but they're no better, really, than the ones McDonald's has.
-
It's the most wonderful time of the year ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/san-francisco-residents-gather-downtown-for-annual-lighting-of-giant-crack-pipe
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6564de8dc71b36564de8dc71b4.jpg)
-
Chick-Fil-A is notorious for long drive-through lines. So if you're going to be there anyway, you may as well get some work done.
At work, we currently have an application from the local Chick-fil-A to replace the canopy over their drive-thru window. The work will require closing down the drive-thru for the duration (unspecified) of the construction process. The line, especially at lunch time, is always insanely long and the restaurant is on a very busy road that is a numbered state highway (not limited access). So we asked them to submit a traffic plan so we could have some assurance that the line wouldn't spill over onto the state road and create more of a traffic headache than we already have.
After two MONTHS of silence, we finally had a response last week that said (paraphrased), "We're not adding any parking so what's the problem? Can we have our permit now?"
Ummm . . . no. How about answering the question?
-
Disney Awarded Defense Contract After Producing More Bombs Than Lockheed Martin
https://babylonbee.com/news/disney-awarded-dod-contract-after-making-more-bombs-than-lockheed-martin
-
It's the most wonderful time of the year ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/san-francisco-residents-gather-downtown-for-annual-lighting-of-giant-crack-pipe
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6564de8dc71b36564de8dc71b4.jpg)
Wonder what Hunter will get under his crack pipe tree this year?
-
Chick-fil-A, Buc-ee's, Hobby Lobby Merge To Form Most Popular Store Of All Time
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-buc-ees-hobby-lobby-merge-to-form-most-popular-store-of-all-time
-
Chick-fil-A, Buc-ee's, Hobby Lobby Merge To Form Most Popular Store Of All Time
https://babylonbee.com/news/chick-fil-a-buc-ees-hobby-lobby-merge-to-form-most-popular-store-of-all-time
But will it be open on Sunday?
-
But will it be open on Sunday?
Yes, but only every other hour.
Brad
-
Corn Pop ... the movie:
https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1730353511769235739
-
Corn Pop ... the movie:
https://twitter.com/TheBabylonBee/status/1730353511769235739
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
-
Probably closer to the truth than many of us care for
Public Educators Warn Low Literacy Rates May Prevent Kids From Reading About Gay Sex
https://babylonbee.com/news/public-educators-warn-high-illiteracy-rates-may-prevent-kids-from-reading-about-gay-sex
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California Man Confused Why He Would Play 'GTA VI' When He Can Commit Crimes Without Consequence In Real Life
https://babylonbee.com/news/california-man-confused-why-he-would-play-gta-vi-when-he-can-commit-crimes-without-consequence-in-real-life
-
Husband Reaches Out To NSA To See If They Know What His Wife Wants For Christmas
https://babylonbee.com/news/husband-reaches-out-to-nsa-to-see-if-they-know-what-his-wife-wants-for-christmas
-
" 'Yes, we knew things would be different in the California market,' said public relations director Jacob Loera. 'But we figured GTA-vi wouldn't draw much revenue in California anyway because all of the copies would be stolen instead of purchased.' "
:rofl:
-
:rofl:
The Babylon Bee Writers Stand In Solidarity With Our Fellow Fake News Writers Going On Strike At The Washington Post
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-writers-stand-in-solidarity-with-our-fellow-fake-news-writers-going-on-strike-at-the-washington-post
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Children On Best Behavior After Santa Announces Naughty Kids Now Receive 'The Marvels' On Blu-Ray
https://babylonbee.com/news/children-on-best-behavior-after-santa-announces-naughty-kids-now-receive-the-marvels-on-blu-ray
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Man Takes Wife On Date To Very Expensive Restaurant Only To Find McFlurry Machine Broken
https://babylonbee.com/news/man-takes-wife-on-date-to-extremely-expensive-restaurant-only-to-find-mcflurry-machine-broken
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Cybertruck To Come With Deployable Scoop For Removing Climate Change Protesters From Roadway
https://babylonbee.com/news/cybertruck-to-come-with-deployable-scoop-for-removing-climate-change-protesters-from-roadway
-
9 Striking Similarities Between The Late-Stage Roman Empire And America Today
https://babylonbee.com/news/9-haunting-similarities-between-the-late-stage-roman-empire-and-america-today
-
In accordance with Southwest Airlines' policy of accommodating the fatties:
https://babylonbee.com/news/southwest-introduces-new-c-17-cargo-plane-capable-of-carrying-your-mom
-
'Tis the season ...
https://babylonbee.com/news/clarence-the-angel-takes-gavin-newsom-to-florida-to-show-him-what-california-could-look-like-if-hed-never-been-born
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Eight Qualifications To Get A Job As Ivy League President
https://babylonbee.com/news/eight-qualifications-to-get-a-job-as-ivy-league-president
-
Trump Vows That If Elected He Will Legalize Running Over Bicyclists
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-vows-that-if-elected-he-will-legalize-running-over-bicyclists
-
Trump Vows That If Elected He Will Legalize Running Over Bicyclists
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-vows-that-if-elected-he-will-legalize-running-over-bicyclists
Well that would certainly get me to vote for him again.
-
Well that would certainly get me to vote for him again.
Scary thing is that if someone posted that up MSNBC 99.9% of their audience would believe it without question
-
C-Span Acquired By Pornhub
https://babylonbee.com/news/c-span-acquired-by-pornhub
God Agrees To Spare D.C. From Destruction If He Finds Just 10 Staffers Without A Gay Sex Tape
https://babylonbee.com/news/god-agrees-to-spare-dc-from-destruction-if-he-finds-just-10-staffers-without-a-gay-sex-tape
-
Without further delay, The Babylon Bee will now publish below the full, unredacted list of every name on Jeffrey Epstein's client li
EXCLUSIVE: The Babylon Bee Has Obtained The Epstein Client Li—
https://babylonbee.com/news/exclusive-the-babylon-bee-has-exclusively-obtained-the-epstein-client-li
-
Menu Anxiety And 13 Other Very Real Anxieties Gen Z Faces
https://babylonbee.com/news/menu-anxiety-and-13-other-very-real-anxieties-gen-z-faces
In case you're wondering what they mean by menu anxiety a recent "study" said Gen Zers are stressed out by menu choices so The Babylon Bee decided to expand on that a little
-
And on the heels of that
Parents Take Gen Z Kid Who Doesn’t Have Anxiety Or Depression To Therapist To Find Out What’s Wrong
https://babylonbee.com/news/parents-take-gen-z-son-who-doesnt-have-anxiety-or-depression-to-therapist-to-find-out-whats-wrong
-
George Santos Gets New Job As Fact-Checker At The New York Times
https://babylonbee.com/news/george-santos-gets-new-job-as-fact-checker-at-the-new-york-times
-
In light of the sodomy-in-the-Senate scandal:
https://babylonbee.com/news/c-span-acquired-by-pornhub
-
Soros-Backed District Attorney Prosecutes Illinois Boy For Terrorizing Burglars
https://babylonbee.com/news/soros-backed-district-attorney-prosecutes-illinois-boy-for-terrorizing-burglars
-
Nation's White Liberals Wish Each Other Happy Kwanzaa
https://babylonbee.com/news/nations-white-liberals-wish-each-other-happy-kwanzaa
-
Man Plays Relaxing Game Of 'Fallout' To Escape Reality Of America In 2023
https://babylonbee.com/news/man-plays-relaxing-game-of-fallout-to-escape-horrors-of-modern-day-america
-
10 Most Wanted Criminals In California
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-most-wanted-criminals-in-california
-
Canada Requires All Men's Rooms To Have Tampons In Case Of Justin Trudeau Visit
https://babylonbee.com/news/canada-requires-all-mens-rooms-to-have-tampons-in-case-of-justin-trudeau-visit
-
Canada Requires All Men's Rooms To Have Tampons In Case Of Justin Trudeau Visit
https://babylonbee.com/news/canada-requires-all-mens-rooms-to-have-tampons-in-case-of-justin-trudeau-visit
They should have thrown in tubes of dark makeup for when he feels the need to, once again, go in brown/blackface.
-
Experts Attribute Falling Public School Literacy To Not Enough Drag Queen Story Hours
https://babylonbee.com/news/experts-attribute-failing-public-school-literacy-to-not-enough-drag-queen-story-hours
-
The URL says it all: :rofl:
https://babylonbee.com/news/sad-man-unable-to-brush-teeth-after-forgetting-to-pay-monthly-subscription-on-smart-electric-toothbrush
-
Democrats Disprove Claims They Will Covertly Rig Election By Rigging It In Plain Sight
https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-disprove-claims-they-will-covertly-rig-election-by-rigging-it-in-plain-sight
-
The Biden Administration's Top 10 Accomplishments Of 2023
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-biden-administrations-top-10-accomplishments-of-2023
-
Scandal: Taylor Swift Photographed On Romantic Night Out With Pop Tart Guy
https://babylonbee.com/news/scandal-taylor-swift-photographed-on-romantic-night-out-with-pop-tart-guy
-
Texas Agrees To Two-State Solution With Austin
https://babylonbee.com/news/texas-agrees-to-two-state-solution-with-austin
-
The first one is today
The Babylon Bee's Predictions For 2024
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bees-predictions-for-2024
January 3 - Kamala becomes President after Biden passes away peacefully in his sleep underneath her pillow
January 4 - Biden revealed to only be mostly dead, regains Presidency
November 4 - New pandemic, cyberattack, land war, George Floyd 2.0, global famine, alien invasion, civil war begins
November 5 - Trump wins election in a historic landslide victory of 128 million votes
November 6 - Trump preemptively impeached on 52 different counts
November 7 - Biden declared the winner of the election after 127 million mail-in votes arrived overnight
-
Scoville Releases Separate Spiciness Scale For White People
https://babylonbee.com/news/scoville-releases-separate-spiciness-scale-for-white-people
-
'You Know, These Fine Citizens May Really Have A Point And I'd Like To Learn More About Their Cause,' Thinks Driver Blocked By Protesters For 3 Hours
https://babylonbee.com/news/you-know-these-fine-citizens-may-really-have-a-point-and-id-like-to-learn-more-about-their-cause-thinks-driver-blocked-by-protesters-for-3-hours
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8 Differences Between Public Schooled Kids And Homeschooled Kids
https://babylonbee.com/news/13-differences-between-public-schooled-kids-and-homeschooled-kids
Homeschooled Kids: Reading at a college level in 2nd grade.
Public Schooled Kids: Exploring alternative sexualities at a college level in 2nd grade.
-
Man Unable To Learn Any Useful Information As Brain Already Filled To Capacity With Monty Python Quotes
https://babylonbee.com/news/man-unable-to-learn-any-useful-information-as-brain-already-filled-to-capacity-with-monty-python-quotes
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DOJ Sues Texas Saying It's Against The Law To Pass A Law To Enforce The Law
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-sues-texas-saying-its-against-the-law-to-pass-a-law-to-enforce-the-law
-
9 Hilarious Pranks To Pull On The FBI Agents Tapped Into Your Phone Line
https://babylonbee.com/news/9-hilarious-pranks-to-pull-on-the-fbi-agents-tapped-into-your-phone-line
8. Call anyone on January 6th and say "The plan is a go. Execute Operation MAGA.": This one is a lot of fun, but you may end up in solitary for a few decades.
-
Is Your Wife Planning To Murder You? Look For These Red Flags
https://babylonbee.com/news/is-your-wife-planning-on-murdering-you-look-for-these-red-flags
9. She books you a window seat ticket on Alaska Airlines: Even though she knows you prefer the aisle.
:rofl:
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Where Are They Now? Find Out What All 46 Presidents Are Up To Today
https://babylonbee.com/news/where-are-they-now-find-out-what-all-46-presidents-are-up-to-today
-
History Made As United Airlines Reveals First All-Dachshund Flight Crew
https://babylonbee.com/news/history-made-as-united-airlines-reveals-first-all-dachsund-flight-crew
At publishing time, passengers had settled in and fastened their seatbelts for takeoff after the captain gave a welcome message and advised everyone on board that expected turbulence may lead to the flight being "rough, rough, rough."
-
New Film Adaptation Of '1984' To Feature Big Brother As The Good Guy
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-film-adaptation-of-1984-to-feature-big-brother-as-the-good-guy
The film is set to release next year and will star Mark Ruffalo, with a supporting cast including George Takei and Susan Sarandon, and will be directed by Rob Reiner.
-
Humanity Finally Invents Time Travel But Everyone Just Keeps Going Back To 2001 To Watch 'Fellowship Of The Ring' In Theaters
https://babylonbee.com/news/humanity-finally-invents-time-travel-but-everyone-just-keeps-going-back-to-2001-to-watch-fellowship-of-the-ring-in-theaters
-
8 Changes Made By All-Female Flight Crews
https://babylonbee.com/news/8-changes-to-air-travel-made-by-the-all-female-flight-crew
If there's a problem with the plane, you should already know what it is and they're not going to tell you: Be more observant next time.
Air traffic control may get the silent treatment: Uh-oh.
:rofl:
-
Ouch! :rofl:
Increased Precipitation Across Nation Revealed To Be Cowboys Fans' Tears
https://babylonbee.com/news/increased-precipitation-across-nation-revealed-to-be-cowboys-fans-tears
-
They're not done
Desperate Cowboys Re-Sign Troy Aikman
https://babylonbee.com/news/desperate-cowboys-re-sign-troy-aikman
-
Child Who Dreamt Of Being NFL Referee Gets Devastating News That He Was Born With 20/20 Vision
https://babylonbee.com/news/child-who-dreams-of-being-nfl-referee-gets-devastating-news-that-he-was-born-with-2020-vision
-
Sesame Street Airs 4-Hour-Long Special Where The Count Counts All 471 Genders
https://babylonbee.com/news/sesame-street-has-the-count-count-all-the-genders
-
Headline from BB's subscriber section
"President Biden Eager To Find Out If He Ever Went To Epstein Island"
Funny and not funny at the same time.
-
Kamala Enjoys Finally Being Smartest Person In The Room
https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-enjoys-finally-being-smartest-person-in-the-room
-
Kamala Enjoys Finally Being Smartest Person In The Room
https://babylonbee.com/news/kamala-enjoys-finally-being-smartest-person-in-the-room
"My, my, my how the turntables have… done what they have done," Harris said as she presided over a room full of her intellectual inferiors for the first time. "As bearers of knowledge, we must know and bear the type of knowledge that carries around the world to other carriers and bearers of knowledge. It is only at that time that we will know our knowledge. Knowledge is knowing things."
Well done, Bee.
-
At publishing time, the hosts of The View were reportedly still trying to make sense of the Vice President's comments, knowing she was just far too intelligent for them to comprehend.
Hard to decide who got hit the hardest in that
-
FBI Warns Of Extremist MAGA Plot To Go To A Polling Location And Vote For Preferred Candidate
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-warns-of-extremist-maga-plot-to-go-to-a-polling-location-and-vote-for-preferred-candidate
-
13 Absolute Horrors Of Late-Stage Capitalism
https://babylonbee.com/news/13-absolute-horrors-of-late-stage-capitalism
-
Trump Offers DeSantis Coveted Administration Position Spinning Trump Sign On Street Corner
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-offers-desantis-coveted-administration-position-spinning-trump-sign-on-street-corner
-
Study Finds Over 3 Million Millennial Women Die Of Dehydration Every Day Because They Don't Have A Stanley Tumbler
https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-over-three-million-millennial-women-die-of-dehydration-every-day-because-they-dont-have-a-stanley-tumbler
-
Life Hack: Save Money On Home Improvements By Not Doing Them
https://babylonbee.com/news/life-hack-save-money-on-home-improvements-by-not-doing-them
-
Satire that's not satire
'I Just Don't Know Where We Went Wrong,' Contemplates Sports Illustrated Executive In Front Of Framed Covers Of Obese, Trans Swimsuit Models
https://babylonbee.com/news/i-just-dont-know-where-we-went-wrong-contemplates-sports-illustrated-ceo-in-front-of-framed-obese-swimsuit-issue
-
This one snucked passed me.
https://babylonbee.com/news/professors-say-proper-grammar-is-racist-this-is-why-their-wrong
-
Oakland In-N-Out Relocating To Safer Location In Gaza
https://babylonbee.com/news/oakland-in-n-out-relocating-to-safer-location-in-gaza
-
Oakland In-N-Out Relocating To Safer Location In Gaza
https://babylonbee.com/news/oakland-in-n-out-relocating-to-safer-location-in-gaza
As a former Californian, I can't think of anything more indicative of failing CA big cities than a freakin' In-N-Out of all places, shutting down. Anyone living or from there knows what I mean.
-
This one snucked passed me.
https://babylonbee.com/news/professors-say-proper-grammar-is-racist-this-is-why-their-wrong
They I think could made the grammar worst.
-
Cartels Switch From Smuggling Meth To More Lucrative Stanley Tumblers
https://babylonbee.com/news/cartels-switch-from-smuggling-meth-to-more-lucrative-stanley-tumblers
-
This one snucked passed me.
https://babylonbee.com/news/professors-say-proper-grammar-is-racist-this-is-why-their-wrong
I actually heard lecturer say something like this the other day.
-
Not The Bee now has a commentary section:
https://notthebee.com/takes
-
NYC-bound flight canceled when passenger notices missing bolts on plane wing
https://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2024/01/23/virgin-atlantic-flight-missing-bolts-n2392060
:O
Sorry, this should go in the other thread. It isn't fake.
-
Hours After Hillary Condemns 'Barbie' Snub, Oscar Statue Found Dead In Apparent Suicide
https://babylonbee.com/news/hours-after-hillary-condemns-barbie-snub-oscar-statue-found-dead-in-apparent-suicide
-
'Well, Crap,' Thinks Newborn Baby Placed On Gay Man's Boobless Chest
https://babylonbee.com/news/well-crap-thinks-newborn-baby-whos-placed-on-gay-mans-boobless-chest
-
Laid-Off LA Times Reporter Sits On Street Corner With Sign Reading 'Will Call You Racist For Food'
https://babylonbee.com/news/laid-off-la-times-reporter-stands-on-street-corner-with-sign-that-reads-will-call-you-racist-for-food
-
Airlines Offering $100 Upgrade Where You're Guaranteed An Old Male Pilot Named Steve
https://babylonbee.com/news/airlines-offering-100-upgrade-where-youre-guaranteed-an-old-male-pilot-named-steve
-
Those last 2 are just perfect.
-
NYC-bound flight canceled when passenger notices missing bolts on plane wing
https://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2024/01/23/virgin-atlantic-flight-missing-bolts-n2392060
:O
Sorry, this should go in the other thread. It isn't fake.
Neither are the Babylon Bee's after a week or week at the rate the left is moving.
-
10 Easy Ways To Prepare For The Next Civil War
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-easy-ways-to-prepare-for-the-next-civil-war
-
New York City Hall Replaces Thomas Jefferson Statue With Golden Statue Of Lizzo
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-york-city-hall-replaces-thomas-jefferson-statue-with-statue-of-lizzo
-
Target Places Razor Wire Around Stanley Cups
https://babylonbee.com/news/target-places-razor-wire-around-stanley-cups
-
The Babylon Bess writers are going to milk this Texas thing
Texas Politely Declines Dallas Cowboys' Offer To Send Offensive Line To Guard Border
https://babylonbee.com/news/texas-politely-declines-dallas-cowboys-offer-to-send-offensive-line-to-guard-border
Court Orders Texas Razor Wire Moved To Ukraine Border
https://babylonbee.com/news/court-orders-texas-razor-wire-moved-to-ukraine-border
Texan Has Been Waiting For This Moment His Whole Life
https://babylonbee.com/news/texan-has-been-waiting-for-this-moment-his-whole-life
-
Like the old bus full of lawyers going off a cliff joke
Tragic Report Reveals Thousands of Journalists Still Have Not Been Laid Off
https://babylonbee.com/news/tragic-report-reveals-thousands-of-journalists-still-have-not-been-laid-off
-
They I think could made the grammar worst.
Their trying two be subtle by using homonyms.
-
To Protect Against Protesters, Louvre Equips Mona Lisa With Laser Eyes
https://babylonbee.com/news/to-protect-against-climate-protestors-louvre-adds-laser-eyes-to-mona-lisa
"There will be collateral damage," representatives of the Louvre said in a statement announcing the heightened security. "But that's a risk we're willing to take."
At publishing time, security had also been forced to retrofit the marble statue Venus de Milo with bionic arms and a machine gun.
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/65b9246b5f48f65b9246b5f490.jpg)
-
Stop giving them ideas!
I'm starting to think dems go to the Babylon Bee site for ideas
California Becomes First State To Ban Heterosexual Marriage
https://babylonbee.com/news/california-becomes-first-state-to-ban-heterosexual-marriage
-
Stop giving them ideas!
I'm starting to think dems go to the Babylon Bee site for ideas
California Becomes First State To Ban Heterosexual Marriage
https://babylonbee.com/news/california-becomes-first-state-to-ban-heterosexual-marriage
At this rate, it could happen. It's almost like we're going through the time dilation in Joe Haldeman's The Forever War, especially since in the book it was 2024 when they returned from their first mission and found the government had effected mandatory homosexuality.
-
The Babylon Bee Guide To Which Statues You Can And Can't Tear Down
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-guide-to-which-statues-you-can-and-cant-tear-down
-
Biden Names Elmo New Press Secretary
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-names-elmo-new-press-secretary
At publishing time, Elmo had reportedly been arrested by Capitol Police for the assault and battery of Peter Doocy.
:rofl:
-
Biden: 'Black History Is Just As Important As Normal People History'
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-black-history-is-just-as-important-as-normal-people-history
-
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Elmo Radicalized After Migrants Bused To Sesame Street
https://babylonbee.com/news/elmo-radicalized-after-migrants-bussed-to-sesame-street
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/65bd3c9caf65265bd3c9caf653.jpg)
-
FBI Investigating Extremist For Not Clicking On 'Black Voices' Section Of Prime Video
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-investigating-extremist-for-not-clicking-on-black-voices-amazon-prime-thumbnail
-
Joe Biden Sees Shadow, Attempts To Shake Its Hand
https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-sees-shadow-attempts-to-shake-its-hand
-
FBI Investigating Extremist For Not Clicking On 'Black Voices' Section Of Prime Video
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-investigating-extremist-for-not-clicking-on-black-voices-amazon-prime-thumbnail
I'll be next on their list. One of the better things Amazon has done is create these " 'X' voices" sections, which really streamlines things for me in cutting down how many individual crap movies I have to scroll through while looking for something decent to watch.
-
I'll be next on their list. One of the better things Amazon has done is create these " 'X' voices" sections, which really streamlines things for me in cutting down how many individual crap movies I have to scroll through while looking for something decent to watch.
I thought it was their way of saying, "Minorities can't compete on merit, so we'll shame you into watching their stuff."
-
I want a Biden bombs Jim Jordan in response to Syria drone attack headline.
-
Elevation Church Unveils Stanley Tumbler Baptismal
https://babylonbee.com/news/elevation-church-unveils-stanley-tumbler-baptismal
-
Elevation Church Unveils Stanley Tumbler Baptismal
https://babylonbee.com/news/elevation-church-unveils-stanley-tumbler-baptismal
Local Church Holds Class To Explain That Baptistry Is A Noun And Baptismal Is An Adjective
-
In Lieu of Spending $3500 On Apple Vision Pro, Man Just Puts Sign On His Face That Says 'I Am A Complete Tool'
https://babylonbee.com/news/in-lieu-of-spending-3500-on-apple-vision-pro-man-just-puts-sign-on-his-face-that-says-i-am-a-complete-tool
-
Costco Unveils New Three-Acre Casserole That Feeds 10,000
https://babylonbee.com/news/costco-unveils-new-three-acre-casserole-that-feeds-10000
-
Family's Printer Lasts Record 13 Print Jobs
https://babylonbee.com/news/familys-printer-lasts-record-13-print-jobs
-
New Besties Tucker And Putin Seen Riding Bear Through Moscow While Chugging Vodka
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-besties-tucker-and-putin-seen-riding-bear-through-moscow-while-chugging-vodka
-
Trump Promises If Elected He Will Legalize Punching Vision Pro Wearers In The Face
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-promises-if-elected-he-will-legalize-punching-vision-pro-wearers-in-the-face
-
All gold :rofl:
Is Your Date Transgender? 10 Signs To Look For
https://babylonbee.com/news/is-your-date-transgender-12-signs-to-look-for
-
All gold :rofl:
Is Your Date Transgender? 10 Signs To Look For
https://babylonbee.com/news/is-your-date-transgender-12-signs-to-look-for
Mid
-
Trump Endorses Bud Light, Names Dylan Mulvaney As Running Mate
https://babylonbee.com/news/trump-endorses-bud-light-names-dylan-mulvaney-as-running-mate
-
Public School: Pros And Cons
https://babylonbee.com/news/pros-and-cons-of-public-school
-
Ketanji Brown Jackson Pauses Oral Arguments To Ask Clarence Thomas 'What Is A Constitution'
https://babylonbee.com/news/ketanji-brown-jackson-pauses-oral-arguments-to-ask-what-this-constitution-thing-is-everyone-keeps-talking-about
-
Chinese Restaurant Loses Business License For Failing To Display One Of Those Weird Lucky Waving Cat Statues
https://babylonbee.com/news/chinese-restaurants-authenticity-questioned-after-customer-notices-it-doesnt-have-one-of-those-weird-lucky-waving-cat-statues
-
Biden Recounts Time He Parted The Red Sea To Escape Slavery In Mexico
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-recounts-time-he-parted-the-red-sea-to-escape-slavery-in-mexico
-
Public School: Pros And Cons
https://babylonbee.com/news/pros-and-cons-of-public-school
Wait -- I thought the Bee was supposed to be publishing satire.
-
San Franciscans Continue Crapping In The Street In Honor Of 49ers Crapping The Bed
https://babylonbee.com/news/san-francisco-49ers-celebrate-victory-by-dumping-gatorade-jugs-of-poo
-
San Franciscans Loot Slightly More Than Usual Following Super Bowl Loss
https://babylonbee.com/news/san-franciscans-loot-slightly-more-than-usual-following-super-bowl-loss
-
Horrifying Study Finds More Trans People Have Pretend-Died Under DeSantis Than Any Other Governor In History
https://babylonbee.com/news/horrifying-study-finds-more-trans-people-have-pretend-died-under-desantis-than-any-other-governor-in-history
-
Domestic Extremists All Helpfully Label Themselves For FBI
https://babylonbee.com/news/domestic-extremists-all-helpfully-label-themselves-for-fbi
-
10 Lesser-Known Plagues God Used To Smite The Egyptians
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-lesser-known-plagues-god-used-to-smite-the-egyptians
Causing the WiFi to go down for 15 whole minutes: It was nearly impossible to get anything done.
Floor Legos: They covered the entire land. It was a time of horrific pain and suffering.
All shopping carts had one squeaky, wobbly wheel: Every trip to the store was a loathsome experience.
The gay frogs: You've heard about the plague of frogs? The gay ones were even worse.
Turning the Nile River into Bud Light: It's what turned the frogs gay.
-
10 Lesser-Known Plagues God Used To Smite The Egyptians
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-lesser-known-plagues-god-used-to-smite-the-egyptians
Causing the WiFi to go down for 15 whole minutes: It was nearly impossible to get anything done.
Floor Legos: They covered the entire land. It was a time of horrific pain and suffering.
All shopping carts had one squeaky, wobbly wheel: Every trip to the store was a loathsome experience.
The gay frogs: You've heard about the plague of frogs? The gay ones were even worse.
Turning the Nile River into Bud Light: It's what turned the frogs gay.
Then the Bee mentions lesser known plague #10: "The hemorrhoid incident: Thankfully, God was merciful and left this one out of the Bible."
Well, maybe when it comes to Egypt, but they may not be left out of the Bible entirely. According to 1 Samuel 5—6 (KJV), God afflicts the Philistines with emerods for taking the Ark. Some translations equate "emerods" with hemorrhoids. We're not really sure today - translations aren't perfect - but it's a quite definite maybe. (I'm NOT a Biblical scholar - it's just that after 8 years of Catholic elementary school, a few things still stand out in my memory.)
-
Sony Proudly Announces That 'Madame Web' Is Breaking Box Office Records In At Least Two Of The 10,000 Multiverses
https://babylonbee.com/news/sony-proudly-announces-that-madame-web-is-breaking-box-office-records-in-at-least-two-of-the-10000-multiverses
-
Russian Opposition Leader Dies In Tragic 'Swallowing An Entire Gallon Of Cyanide' Accident
https://babylonbee.com/news/russian-opposition-leader-dies-in-tragic-swallowing-an-entire-gallon-of-cyanide-accident
-
Breakthrough Treatment Discovered For Male Depression Called 'Watching Tombstone'
https://babylonbee.com/news/breakthrough-treatment-discovered-for-male-depression-called-watching-tombstone
-
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Amazing New Technology Sure To Advance Mankind To The Next Level Of Consciousn - Never Mind, They're Just Using It To Make Porn Again
https://babylonbee.com/news/amazing-new-technology-sure-to-advance-mankind-to-the-next-level-of-consciousn---never-mind-theyre-just-using-it-to-make-porn-again
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/study-shows-10-out-of-10-babies-prefer-female-boobs
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/study-shows-10-out-of-10-babies-prefer-female-boobs
Related, Britain's health service claims that chemically laced "male breast milk" is as good for babies as real breast milk. These whackos will harm babies just to prove that men can breast feed.
https://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2024/02/19/nhs-trans-womens-milk-as-good-as-breast-milk-n2393073
-
Related, Britain's health service claims that chemically laced "male breast milk" is as good for babies as real breast milk. These whackos will harm babies just to prove that men can breast feed.
https://twitchy.com/grateful-calvin/2024/02/19/nhs-trans-womens-milk-as-good-as-breast-milk-n2393073
Yeah, I'm pretty sure the Babylon Bee article was in response to that report.
-
C.S. Lewis, J.R.R. Tolkien Sent To Opposite Corners Of Heaven After Arguing About The Proper Use Of Allegory Again
https://babylonbee.com/news/cs-lewis-jrr-tolkien-sent-to-opposite-corners-of-heaven-after-arguing-about-the-proper-use-of-allegory-again
-
Terrified Mugger Flees As NYPD Dance Squad Arrives
https://babylonbee.com/news/terrified-mugger-flees-as-nypd-dance-squad-arrives
-
https://babylonbee.com/news/10-major-figures-from-the-bible-their-political-parties-revealed
Job: Republican. Couldn't stop losing.
Peter: Denied party affiliation three times.
Satan: Democrat. Founder of the party.
Jesus: Republican. Everybody knows this.
-
9 Items Conservatives Must Stockpile To Protect Themselves In Case Biden Wins
https://babylonbee.com/news/9-items-conservatives-must-stockpile-to-protect-themselves-in-case-biden-wins
"Earplugs: Odds are, you'll be hearing a lot of Kamala cackling before too long."
Not funny
-
Excited Netflix Writers Turn To Google Gemini For New Show Ideas
https://babylonbee.com/news/excited-netflix-writers-turn-to-google-gemini-for-new-show-ideas
-
New York Prosecutes Couple For Fraud For Listing Their House For $499,000 When It Ultimately Sold For $485,000
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-york-prosecutes-couple-for-fraud-for-listing-their-house-for-499000-when-it-ultimately-sold-for-485000
-
Progressives Open Suicide Hotline That Tells People To Go Ahead And Kill Themselves So Long As It's For Palestine
https://babylonbee.com/news/progressives-open-suicide-hotline-that-tells-people-to-go-ahead-and-kill-themselves-so-long-as-its-for-palestine
-
Hunter Biden Jealous After Don Jr. Receives Envelope Of White Powder
https://babylonbee.com/news/hunter-biden-jealous-after-don-jr-receives-envelope-of-white-powder
-
We Asked 11 Famous Politicians What Their Favorite Bible Verse Was, And Here's What They Said
https://babylonbee.com/news/we-asked-11-famous-politicians-what-their-favorite-bible-verse-was-and-heres-what-they-said
-
We Asked 11 Famous Politicians What Their Favorite Bible Verse Was, And Here's What They Said
https://babylonbee.com/news/we-asked-11-famous-politicians-what-their-favorite-bible-verse-was-and-heres-what-they-said
Not bad.
-
Stop giving them ideas!
Ballot Drop Boxes Installed Along Border Wall
https://babylonbee.com/news/ballot-drop-boxes-installed-along-border-wall
-
What Does Gen Z Want In A Job? 10 Most Common Demands
https://babylonbee.com/news/what-does-gen-z-want-in-a-job-10-most-common-demands
10. The following months off:
February: Black History Month
March: Women's History Month
April: Black Women's History Month
June: Pride Month
September: Hispanic Heritage Month
October: Bullying Prevention Month
November: Native American History Month
December: AIDS Awareness Month
-
Texas National Guard Deploys Giant Sandworms On Southern Border
https://babylonbee.com/news/texas-national-guard-deploys-giant-sandworms-on-southern-border
https://youtu.be/Pm5VP3of-dA?t=109
-
Study Finds 99% Of Men Pretend To Use The Force When Opening, Closing Automatic Doors
https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-99-of-men-use-the-force-when-opening-closing-automatic-doors
-
Pros And Cons Of Every Diet Plan
https://babylonbee.com/news/pros-and-cons-of-every-diet-plan
Starting on this one first thing tomorrow
Twinkie Diet
Pro: You get to eat Twinkies
Con: None
-
Little Girl Dreams Of One Day Being Fat And Ugly Enough To Be Target Model
https://babylonbee.com/news/little-girl-dreams-of-one-day-being-ugly-enough-to-be-target-model
-
Study Finds 99% Of Men Pretend To Use The Force When Opening, Closing Automatic Doors
https://babylonbee.com/news/study-finds-99-of-men-use-the-force-when-opening-closing-automatic-doors
Y..y...y...ya mean we really don't have the power of The Force?
-
Y..y...y...ya mean we really don't have the power of The Force?
I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you haven't been opening those door with the force.
-
In 9-0 Decision, SCOTUS Rules That The Eagles Could Not Have Carried The Fellowship To Mount Doom
https://babylonbee.com/news/in-9-0-decision-scotus-rules-that-the-eagles-could-not-have-carried-the-fellowship-to-mount-doom
-
12 Terrifying Examples Of White Rural Rage
https://babylonbee.com/news/do-you-have-white-rural-rage-know-the-warning-signs
-
Headline from the pay section
Gemini AI Creates Black Versions Of Kamala Harris And Barack Obama
-
Stop giving them ideas!
Ballot Drop Boxes Installed Along Border Wall
https://babylonbee.com/news/ballot-drop-boxes-installed-along-border-wall
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Kyle Mann
@The_Kyle_Mann
Reuters sent us an email to find out if our @TheBabylonBee
story about ballot boxes being installed along the border wall was true.
https://twitter.com/The_Kyle_Mann/status/1765461686910386649
-
Shouldn't have upsized it
Elon Musk Falls Into Crippling Poverty After Single Meal At Five Guys
https://babylonbee.com/news/elon-musk-destitute-and-impoverished-after-single-meal-at-five-guys
At publishing time, Musk expressed confidence that he could turn things around, even mentioning the possibility of buying out Five Guys in the future and changing its name to Five Hot Chicks.
-
Woman Kicked Out Of Walmart For Not Wearing Pajama Bottoms
https://babylonbee.com/news/woman-kicked-out-of-walmart-for-not-wearing-pajama-bottoms
-
Husband Says He Would Give A Back Rub But He’s Tired And Has A Headache
https://babylonbee.com/news/husband-says-he-would-give-a-back-rub-but-hes-tired-and-has-a-headache
-
The horror!
Democrats Warn That Migrants Committing Murder Could Result In More People Referring To Them By The Wrong Term
https://babylonbee.com/news/democrats-worried-migrants-committing-murder-could-result-in-people-referring-to-them-by-the-wrong-term
-
Christopher Nolan Hurriedly Adds Drag Queen To ‘Oppenheimer’ To Shore Up Oscar Vote
https://babylonbee.com/news/christopher-nolan-hurriedly-adds-drag-queen-to-oppenheimer-to-shore-up-oscar-vote
In case you don't get the joke the Oscars introduced diversity rules that a movie must meet before it can considered eligible for best picture which I think are suppose to kick in next year.
-
The Babylon Bee Interprets Your Wife’s Texts
https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-interprets-your-wifes-texts
-
Progressives Fear That Without TikTok, They Won’t Be Able To Convince Kids To Join Their Weird Sex Cult
https://babylonbee.com/news/progressives-fear-that-without-tiktok-they-wont-be-able-to-convince-kids-to-join-their-weird-sex-cult
-
Canadian Supreme Court Rules ‘Justin Trudeau’ Is An Outdated Term And Should Instead Be Referred To As ‘Person With A Vagina’
https://babylonbee.com/news/canadian-supreme-court-rules-justin-trudeau-is-an-outdated-term-and-should-instead-be-referred-to-as-person-with-a-vagina
-
But saying kick ball is so much easier
Shut up you racist!
Progressive Kids Play Classic Game Of 'Smear The Oppressive Patriarchal Colonialists Who Perpetuate Cis-Whiteness And Literal Violence Against Indigenous People Groups And The LGBTQIAA++ Community'
https://babylonbee.com/news/progressive-kids-play-classic-game-of-smear-the-oppressive-patriarchal-colonialists-who-perpetuate-cis-whitness-and-literal-violence-against-indigenous-people-groups-and-the-lgbtqiaa-communit
-
Don't give them any ideas
New Greta Thunberg GPS Lectures You When Refusing More Eco-Friendly Route
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-greta-thunberg-gps-lectures-you-when-refusing-more-eco-friendly-route
-
Pros And Cons Of Every Diet Plan
https://babylonbee.com/news/pros-and-cons-of-every-diet-plan
Starting on this one first thing tomorrow
Not every diet, they forgot The Drinking Man's Diet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRJ02VB5Evk
-
Some of you may be able to guess what you'll see when you click on the link
Google Gemini Wishes Everyone A Happy St. Patrick's Day
https://babylonbee.com/news/google-gemini-wishes-everyone-a-happy-st-patricks-day
-
They got him!
FBI Arrests #1 Most Wanted Criminal Pepe The Frog
https://babylonbee.com/news/fbi-arrests-1-most-wanted-criminal-pepe-the-frog
"I shudder to think what kind of memes would have been shared if we hadn't caught him when we did."
Among several other charges, the frog is being held on 7,439,600,213,000 counts of criminal menace, 436,007,924,332,141,572,499,022 hate crime charges, and 563,745,743,153,001,377 counts of stochastic terrorism. "I'll sleep easier knowing that I'll never have to see another Pepe meme in the replies to my videos where I announce I'm indicting Trump again," said Garland. "His face haunts my dreams."
"Humor and fun have long been tools of fascism," said Salon journalist Rezz Thivins. "Pepe will finally face justice for his treasonous memes. It's about time."
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https://babylonbee.com/news/10-iconic-milestones-in-womens-history
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/6419d70366aad6419d70366aae.jpg)
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Now I'm hungry
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https://babylonbee.com/news/checkmate-trump-sneaks-back-into-white-house-invokes-squatters-rights
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Shrek Prosecuted After Trying To Remove Squatters From Swamp
https://babylonbee.com/news/shrek-prosecuted-after-trying-to-remove-squatters-from-swamp
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Planet Fitness Rated ‘Best Gym In America’ By The National Association Of Perverts
https://babylonbee.com/news/planet-fitness-rated-best-gym-in-america-by-the-national-association-of-perverts
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9 Ways To Outfox Squatters Living On Your Property
https://babylonbee.com/news/7-ways-to-deal-with-squatters
Give them MAGA hats and call the police: You'll be amazed at how quickly the authorities come rushing in to drag these dangerous insurrectionists to prison.
Get word to Hillary Clinton that the squatters have dirt on her: People with dirt on Hillary tend to disappear. Just like magic!
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Meghan Markle Announces Netflix Show About How Hard It’s Been Dealing With Kate Middleton’s Cancer Diagnosis
https://babylonbee.com/news/meghan-markle-announces-netflix-show-about-how-hard-its-been-dealing-with-kate-middletons-cancer-diagnosis
"I've had to deal with so, so much because of her having cancer. In many ways, it's been way harder on me than on Kate," explained Markle, wiping tears from her eyes. "Kate gets so much sympathy because she's white and has cancer. I feel like I'm just living in her shadow, forgotten. Why does the internet not spend its days thinking of wild conspiracy theories about me, Meghan? Do you know how hard it is to have people thinking she's dead and not me? It's so painful."
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:rofl:
New All-Female 'Pirates Of The Caribbean' Movie Just Two Hours Of Boats Backing Into Rocks
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-all-female-pirates-of-the-caribbean-movie-just-two-hours-of-boats-backing-into-coral-reefs
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4D Chess: Trump Makes Mar-A-Lago Worth $500 Million By Hanging Up 3 Hunter Biden Paintings
https://babylonbee.com/news/4d-chess-trump-makes-mar-a-lago-worth-500-million-by-hanging-up-3-hunter-biden-paintings
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Judge Orders Trump To Stop Noticing That The People Trying To Put Him In Jail Are Democrats
https://babylonbee.com/news/judge-orders-trump-to-stop-noticing-that-the-people-trying-to-put-him-in-jail-are-democrats
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Scottish Parliament Declares William Wallace Was A Woman After Learning He Wore A Skirt
https://babylonbee.com/news/scottish-parliament-declares-william-wallace-was-a-woman-after-learning-he-wore-a-skirt
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Biden Still Polling Well With 3 A.M. Mail-In Ballot Demographic
https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-still-polling-well-among-3-am-mail-in-ballot-demographic
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Earthquake As Jews Dig Tunnels Too Deep And Unearth A Balrog
https://babylonbee.com/news/earthquake-as-jews-dig-tunnels-too-deep-and-unearth-a-balrog
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Bible Scholars Believe Noah Made Over 977 Trips To Home Depot During Ark Construction
https://babylonbee.com/news/bible-scholars-believe-noah-made-over-977-trips-to-home-depot-during-ark-construction
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Mark Zuckerberg Locked Out Of X Account After Bot Purge
https://babylonbee.com/news/mark-zuckerberg-locked-out-of-x-account-after-bot-purge
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Police Slowly Escort White Hearse Containing O.J. Simpson
https://babylonbee.com/news/police-slowly-escort-white-hearse-containing-oj-simpson
Picture needs more police cars but I like the photoshopped Bronco/Hearse
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/66180665888ab66180665888ac.jpg)
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O.J. Simpson Excited For God To Tell Him Who Real Killer Was
https://babylonbee.com/news/oj-simpson-excited-for-god-to-tell-him-who-real-killer-was
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URL is self-explanatory:
https://babylonbee.com/news/new-star-wars-game-lets-you-play-as-lesbian-jedi-who-drives-subaru-landspeeder
(https://media.babylonbee.com/articles/661986f768a29661986f768a2a.jpg)
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Rashida Tlaib Condemns Violence Against Innocent Iranian Missiles
https://babylonbee.com/news/rashida-tlaib-condemns-violence-against-innocent-iranian-missiles
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Biden finds his intellectual equal:
https://babylonbee.com/news/white-house-calls-in-elmo-to-help-explain-latest-global-conflict-to-president