Author Topic: Monday humor ration  (Read 14038 times)

Monkeyleg

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #25 on: March 20, 2005, 01:30:17 PM »
That's a good one, FPrice!

Here's one that's been going 'round on the email circuit.

A guy's out golfing, standing at the second hole, when a little frog says, "ribbit, nine iron."

The guy looks baffled at first, then decides what-the-heck and pulls out the nine iron. To his amazement, the ball lands just a couple of feet from the cup.

On the next hole, he's about to tee off again when the frog shows up. "Ribbit, four iron." The guy decides he'll give it a try and he gets a hole in one.

"So, you're a lucky frog, eh?" the guy asks.

"Ribbit, Lucky Frog."

The guy puts the frog in his pocket, and decides to he to the casino.

He's at the roulette table. "Ok, Mr. Lucky Frog, now what?"

"Ribbit, $3, black 6."

The guys does as he's told, and--sure enough--he's raking in the dough.

He gets a hotel room at the casino, and takes the frog with him.

They're up in the hotel room, and the guy says, "Mr. Lucky Frog, you've made my day. How can I thank you?"

"Ribbit, kiss me."

The guy hesitates a second, then kisses the frog. The frog instantly turns into an absolutely gorgeous fifteen year-old girl.

And that, your Honor, is how that girl got in my hotel room...







or my name isn't William Jefferson Clinton.

Holly76201

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #26 on: March 21, 2005, 09:48:06 PM »
Well, It's Tuesday now, but here's mine: and it's sort of related to the joke about anniversaries.
 My brother has an ex wife he loathes.  He has a bumper sticker on his truck that says: "If I'd killed you when I wanted to, I'd be out of prison by now."
She has to see it everytime she comes to pick up or drop off the girls, of whom HE has custody.
Veni, Vidi, Vivisecti

FUR IS MURDER to clean

Strings

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #27 on: March 26, 2005, 02:27:36 PM »
Dick... I'm pretty sure I told you that one at a gunshow...

grampster

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #28 on: March 27, 2005, 06:28:03 AM »
So the old guy is about to have his 90th birthday.  His wife comes out onto the portch where he is rocking in his  chair and watching the world go by.  Wife says "Go up to the bedroom, take a nice shower and get into bed naked, I have a birthday surprise for you"  The old guy totters up to the chair lift and goes upstairs and does as he's told.
He's lying on the bed and the door bursts open and a gorgeous playboy bunny comes through the door.  She says, "I'm here to give you super sex".   The old guy looks her up and down and says.......
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."What kind of soup is it?"
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

P95Carry

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #29 on: March 27, 2005, 08:07:25 AM »
Cheesy:D

Try this one ..


The Last Child Support Check


Today my baby girl's 18th birthday.  I be so glad that
this be my last child support payment! Month after
month, year after year, all those damn payments!

 So I call my baby girl, LaKeesha, to come to my
house, and when she get here, I say, "Baby girl, I
want you to take this check over to yo momma house and
tell her this be the last check she ever be gettin'
from me, and I want you to come back and tell me the
'spression on yo mama's face."

So my baby girl she take the check over to her. I be
anxious to hear what she say and what she look like.

Baby girl walk through the door, I say, "Now what yo
momma say 'bout that?"
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She say to tell you that "you ain't my daddy" .... and
watch the 'spression on yo face.
Chris - P95
Guns don't kill people - people kill people.
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Strings

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #30 on: March 27, 2005, 08:17:34 AM »
man Chris... that's harsh!

Dannyboy

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #31 on: March 27, 2005, 10:12:06 AM »
317.2 (twice)
Oh, Lord, please let me be as sanctimonious and self-righteous as those around me, so that I may fit in.

BryanP

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #32 on: March 27, 2005, 10:35:39 AM »
Here's an improved version of the penguin.  Everything's better with land mines!

http://www.frozenden.x3fusion.com/flash/bloodypenguin.html
"Inaccurately attributed quotes are the bane of the internet" - Abraham Lincoln

Strings

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #33 on: March 27, 2005, 10:46:15 AM »
ok... I'm a fan of the original Yetisports. THAT was just disturbing... and is now bookmarked, and I got 848.1... Evil

grampster

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #34 on: March 27, 2005, 10:46:59 AM »
274.3   Er...cough..ahem...after a couple, two, tree whiffs.
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

BryanP

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #35 on: March 27, 2005, 10:50:08 AM »
Hunter Rose,

Not bad.  I've topped out at around 1037 feet.  I haven't been able to top that.
"Inaccurately attributed quotes are the bane of the internet" - Abraham Lincoln

grampster

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #36 on: March 27, 2005, 10:57:01 AM »
So the three legged dog walked into the bar.
Bar tender said, "can I help you"?
3 legged dog said, "Lookin' for the man that shot my paw".
Baadaaboomp.

Priest, rabbi and preacher walked into the bar.
Bartender said, "what is this? A joke?"    baaadaaboomp

Horse walked into the bar.
Bartender said, "Why the long face?"  baaadaaboomp

292.9  and a 72.4  heh heh
"Never wrestle with a pig.  You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it."  G.B. Shaw

Strings

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #37 on: March 27, 2005, 11:00:58 AM »
Ok, skip tactical kevlar with trauma plates duct-taped to your back. I WANT PENGUIN-HEAD BODY ARMOUR!!!!!!! Better than boots of escaping!

BryanP

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #38 on: March 27, 2005, 11:24:23 AM »
Yeah, that is one tough penguin head, but man it holds a lot of blood.
"Inaccurately attributed quotes are the bane of the internet" - Abraham Lincoln

P95Carry

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #39 on: March 27, 2005, 12:18:26 PM »
Bryan LOL - now that is gettin messy!!

Managed a 680 - boy, what a blood trail Cheesy
Chris - P95
Guns don't kill people - people kill people.
NRA Certified Instructor & NRA Life Member.
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Dannyboy

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #40 on: March 27, 2005, 01:16:21 PM »
I like the modified version but it would be cooler if the penguin slid like the first one and splattered when it hit a mine.  1213.9 on the modified game.
Oh, Lord, please let me be as sanctimonious and self-righteous as those around me, so that I may fit in.

doczinn

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #41 on: March 27, 2005, 01:43:57 PM »
900 is my best so far on the bloody version...

edit: 978.9
D. R. ZINN

Mabs2

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #42 on: March 27, 2005, 05:06:51 PM »
Quote from: jamisjockey
Sunday it felt a little better, but it was quite irritated from me rubbing it.
Quote from: Mike Irwin
If you watch any of the really early episodes of the Porter Waggoner show she was in (1967) it's very clear that he was well endowed.
Quote from: Ben
Just wanted to give a forum thumbs up to Dick.

Holly76201

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Monday humor ration
« Reply #43 on: March 27, 2005, 06:43:49 PM »
Two Nuns walk into a bar.
You'd think the second one saw it coming.
Veni, Vidi, Vivisecti

FUR IS MURDER to clean