Potty training advise

[Greg Levy]

My wife and I are at our wits end, so I thought, what could I lose by looking for a little help from the realistically minded folks here.  Please excuse my use of kiddy vocabulary.  It helps to think like a dad when I right this.  

So, here is the situation.  My daughter is 3 yaears, 4 months or so old.  Because we made the mistake of listening to our parents(Wait until she shows an interst before starting!), we got a late start on potty training.  But, the daughter picked up using the toilet to go pee-pee really fast.  Poop...different story.  It took longer, but we finally got her to the point where she was using the toilet for pee all the time, and poop about a thrid of the time.  The only time she had accidents was when she was sleeping.

Then my wife(who has difficult pregnancies) got put on bed rest the final 6 weeks of her pregnancy.  We brought in a baby-sitter to help her take care of my daughter.  And, we noticed a decline in her use of the toilet.  Pee, she shtill does good.  She has even started waking up from naps to go pee.  But...

She flat out refuses to go poo on the toilet.  We have tried everything.   Positive reinforcement, negative, taking stuff from her, bribing her.  Two weeks ago the wife even pumped her full of prune juice, and stuck her on the toilet for 7 hours, with only a break for eating.  Nothing.  Then, the next day at nap time, she exploded.  We put her on the toilet whenever we here her fart...'I can no go poppy on potty!'  The poor thing will go like three days without pooping, and then when she lays down...ick!  

 Sigh.

Anyone with any advise...I'm open for it.  Thanks folks.

[Greg Levy]

You know...ever since we had the new born, I've been telling the wife it's like having a spare, just in case we break the first one.  

She doesn't usually laugh...

Besides...then I would feel even more like a failure.  I mean, my wife and I are two adults...how is a 3-year old outsmarting us?

greg

[grampster]

Have a talk with your peds doc.  They deal with kids all the time.  She/he will probably have some good info and/or direction for you.

  Putting her on the potty for 7 hours was not a good move, imho.  That may translate, to her, as a bad experience and cause more difficulty.  My fanny falls asleep b/4 I'm done with the funny papers.

[Guest]

When there is a new baby in the house young children will often revert back to some old behavior that resulted in getting them some form of attention (asking for bottles is common). Getting a late start probably doesnt help. I would talk to the pediatrition too.

[K Frame]

Hum...

I suggest the Catholic potty training manual...

It's titled "You're a Bad Girl, and that's Concentrated Evil Coming out the Back of You."

[brimic]

We went through this about 3 months ago with my son. He was going on 3 and was refusing to use the toilet, I took some advice from my grandmother that worked well.

We created a 'poop chart' which is a piece of construction paper with a grid drawn on it and hung on the bathroom wall. Every time the kid does no. 2, he/she gets a sticker to put on a grid, my son liked Sesame Street stickers. He also got a piece of candy every time he did no. 2- We kept a little jar of skittles in the bathroom, after he washed his hands, he was allowed to pick a skittle out of the jar. Don't yell at the kid if they have an accident, but praise them if they use the potty.
We also took a little 'field trip' past the local sewage plant and I pointed out what I called the 'poop tank' and explained to him that whenever he flushes the toilet, his poop goes through pipes underground and goes to this tank. Kids that age pick up on concepts like that really fast and are curious about them, especially if they are 'poop' related.   It took about 2 weeks before he was accident free.

[Smoke]

My boy is nearing 6, my girl 2 and 3/4.

Boy was late getting started but with the same issues as your daughter, pee was easy, poop was not.
My girl started training easier and earlier, but has more "lapses".

We use positive reinforcement when she does good (chocolate and praise) and negative when she does bad. (no cartoons or movies, and we make cleaning rather unpleasant by scrubbing a little harder than necessary)

Time will work it out.  It did with the boy.  Exact issues may never be known as to why they do it.  Rebellion, not fully understanding the task, fear, who knows?

Stick with it, she'll be fine.

Smoke

[MaterDei]

At her age the issue is one of attention rather than of ability and physical control.  The solution is to take the attention totally away from the situation.  Don't give her any attention, good or bad, when she uses/doesn't use the potty.  Having a soiled diaper can't be fun, don't be in any rush to change her dirty diapers.  Just tell her that mommy/daddy is busy and that you'll get to it in a minute.

Don't ignore her need for additional attention though, just don't tie it to her bathroom activities.

Good Luck,

MaterDei
father of 6

[Iain]

Hum...

I suggest the Catholic potty training manual...

It's titled "You're a Bad Girl, and that's Concentrated Evil Coming out the Back of You."

Family Guy fan then.

No children but I know some kids can develop problems with the idea of pooping, I've read about kids that actually sit there physically squirming and in pain trying to prevent defaecation.

[Felonious Monk/Fignozzle]

brimic nailed it re: the candy. What's her favorite?  
Plus, the chart thing is a great idea as well!

We trained 3 (2 girls, 1 boy) relatively uneventfully.
M&M's for pee, Hershey's Kisses for poop.

To appeal to her logical side, I'd also recommend that classic of English Literature by Taro Gomi:
"Everyone Poops"
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0916291456/103-1308913-1835000?v=glance

[280plus]

I have heard of getting a child underwear with pictures of their most favorite cartoon character on them and then telling them that if they really want to make that character happy to not poop on them. Like "Mickey Mouse would be very sad if you pooped on him but very happy and proud of you if you pooped in the toilet instead."

7 hours on the toidy ain't good for anybody. My butt gets numb too! Apparently grampster and I have something in common.

Ignore the bad and praise the good is right.

It WILL work out in time. Patience really is a virtue in this case.

I can't tell you how happy I am to be past all that.

Unfortunately these days it's teenage boys I'm fretting about. So the fretting never ends, it just goes through transformations...

[Greg Levy]

We have gone threough 6 pairs of Disney Princess undies in the last two weeks trying that.  And, we have a sticker chart tracking positives and negatives in the kitchen!  Argh!

I agree that the 7 houir thing was probably not the best move...but I can only guess how frustrating this must be for my wife.  With all the yelling, begging and threatening that has gone on, I agree with what most of you folks are saying the time has probably come to back off and give some space on this one...maybe try to start from scratch again...

It's tough to ignore it though...I mean, nothing like walking into your daughters room, and it smells like poop.  Ick.  

All part of being a parent, I guess.  There is no one asnwer to solve it all.  I just feel really bad for our new daughter...that is one kid that is going to have some tough love used on her...

greg

[jamz]

My daughter is about the same age, 3 and 2 months.  She jsut doesn't care.  The sticker chart was a non-starter, she just didn't care.  Bribes, doesn't care.  We aren't going to threaten her or punish her.

So, for now, she remains in pull-ups.  I take some comfort in the fact that there are very few fifteen year old girls in pull-ups, so it will end at some point.

An old pediatrician said it best once: You can't  force anything into, or out of, a kid.  (i.e. can't force them to eat or to eliminate).  That stuff they more or less have total control over, and they use it, so you just have to get them to want to change their behavior.

[brimic]

To appeal to her logical side, I'd also recommend that classic of English Literature by Taro Gomi:
"Everyone Poops"

We have that book at home. lol.

[280plus]

We have gone threough 6 pairs of Disney Princess undies in the last two weeks trying that.

Maybe she doesn't like the Disney Princess that much?

Hmmm, I'd say yes back off. Maybe she IS looking for attention with this. She may feel new baby sis is taking too much attention away from her and this is one way to get it back. Kids want attention, they don't really care whether it's negative or positive. I wish I had some answers for you. Hmmm let me ask around. Forcing the issue will not work. You have to somehow make it become a NON-issue.

Speaking of expode, my ex used to like to load the babies up with corn the night before a visit. She was (is still) evil in soooo many ways...  

Believe it or not blackburn may have touched on something. She has her own little potty, right? Sometimes kids won't go on an adult sized toilet.

[280plus]

I checked with the boss and she says, "You can't rush it, they'll do it when they're ready." I'll bet you're tired of hearing that but...

[Guest]

I checked with the boss and she says, "You can't rush it, they'll do it when they're ready." I'll bet you're tired of hearing that but...

Of all the senses being taxed I doubt that this new parent is all that concerned with their hearing.

[280plus]

LOL... You may have a point