Author Topic: Advice...  (Read 8049 times)

uvakat

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« on: March 15, 2005, 07:28:13 AM »
How did you let your families know about your interest in guns? I tried to let my parents on slowly, but after the reaction I got when I mentioned I went shooting with a bunch of friends, I chickened out of telling them about my new metal babies Wink Add to that most of my cousins are freaked out by the pocket knife much less any weapon I may bring to family gatherings... I know I can't hide my pistols and rifles from the parents forever (I'm a college student), but any advice on how to approach the topic? oh yeah my parents are also pacifists.... They have accepted the fact I have a concealed carry permit but think I only have it to legally cover me if I'm driving my bf's car and there is a concealed pistol in it. They are convinced that their little daughter won't take the last step to becomming a redneck and buying a gun (umm my parents are interesting to say the least and don't like the southern accent I've picked up in college either)
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

pauli

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« Reply #1 on: March 15, 2005, 07:35:22 AM »
bring home a suitably bullseye'd target and attach it to the front of the refridgerator. attempt to trigger approving parental reflexes by being exuberently proud of your skills.

(my mom is still uncomfortable with me having guns, and made me promise i wasn't going to shoot anybody when i bought my p22. damn, you got me mom.)

Control Group

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« Reply #2 on: March 15, 2005, 07:40:53 AM »
In my particular case, I just told them I was buying a gun. Of course, I had no reason to think that they'd disapprove, so it's a bad example (they didn't).

In your situation, my approach would be a sort of passive-aggressive one. I wouldn't make a big deal out of pointing it out (unless you're trying to change their minds, of course, but I'm assuming you're just interested in living your life the way you want to), but I also wouldn't go out of my way to hide it. It's just what you're doing, and at some point, they have to accept that you do things they might not approve of. Trying to keep your guns secret from your parents is, IMHO, counterproductive - it's still letting them dictate your decisions to you.

This is not to say you shouldn't take your parents values and concerns into account when living your life, but you've clearly already decided that you disagree with them on this point. Once you know that, there's no point in pretending to agree with them.

The closest analogy I've got in personal experience is my current g.f. My parents are Catholics, and of a much more traditional bent than I am. As such, they disapprove of sex outside of marriage. I disagree with that point of view (and I mean I actually disagree with it in principle, not just I disagree because I want to have a good time), and live my life that way. While I don't exactly show up at my parents' place telling explicit stories, my g.f. and I also only booked one room at my sister's wedding, and I didn't make any effort to hide it.

The point is, I consider some things - gun ownership among them - to be adult decisions that you have to make on your own. For those sorts of things, your parents can be a valuable resource of opinion and perspective, but if you decide you disagree with them, that's your business, and you shouldn't be ashamed of your decision. Not rubbing it in their faces is good policy from a courtesy/respect/lack of tension at family dinners sort of way, of course.

OTOH, my parents are pretty reasonable people across the board, so this is an easy attitude for me to have.

uvakat

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« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2005, 08:03:56 AM »
Thanks pauli... already did that... first shot on the target was a bullseye from 7 yards (I'm still a newbie) I was pretty proud and showed the rants. Dad proceeded to freak out and mom threw it out (depressing huh?)

Control group can we switch parents? Pretty please... my parents are stubborn, it is their way or the hwy. They are the sterotypical catholic parents, where if any of your actions are against the church, they feel it is their duty as parents and it is the only way to save their soul would be to disown you... oh yeah there are NO adult decisions in my family... My cousin is 30 and my parents still think they have a right to interfere with her life and this is my cousin... I can't wait till my parents finally hear about everything in my life (ie if I stop hiding things). Sad
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

Wedge

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« Reply #4 on: March 15, 2005, 08:22:05 AM »
Are they supporting you financially? If not go ahead and just tell 'em.  They will freak out and then hopefully accept it.  That is what I did with my in-laws.  They freaked out at first and now they buy me gunsmithing books.

spacemanspiff

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« Reply #5 on: March 15, 2005, 09:03:52 AM »
my dear old mother had a similar reaction to my interest in guns. she has developed a lot of liberal ideals over the years, and her biggest argument is that no one 'needs' it. but she knows what kind of neighborhood we live in, and she knows that my only concern is to keep myself safe. so i've been able to change her mind about it.

but i tell ya what, she made my jaw drop when i asked her about her childhood, and whether or not she had any interest in the guns the family had back int he village for hunting and target practice. she said she loved shooting, but her dad took the guns away from her when he discovered she was using buoys in the bay as targets.
i woulda never guessed.
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Control Group

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« Reply #6 on: March 15, 2005, 09:50:19 AM »
Quote from: uvakat
Control group can we switch parents? Pretty please... my parents are stubborn, it is their way or the hwy.
Put this in the "easy for me to say" category, but...if that's their attitude, maybe you're better off with the highway. Sad I'd like to think that if you actually went ahead and just did your own thing, they'd decide that you were more important than their principles, but I realize this might be overly optimistic of me.

On the other hand, if you aren't more important to them than their principles, why should they be more important to you than yours?

Obviously, if you're still being financially supported by them, then you're obligated to live by their rules to a large extent. But if you're not, it's your life, not theirs, whether or not they can accept that.

Again, this is all very easy for me to say. And I certainly wouldn't want you or anyone else to do something which causes a real break in the family just because some schmoe on the internet* said so. But I call 'em like I see 'em, and that's how I see this one.

*I'm not actually a schmoe, but I play one on the internet.

uvakat

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« Reply #7 on: March 15, 2005, 12:54:34 PM »
Actually sadly I've concluded that I need to break from my parents... it's just one of those things that you know you have to do, but really don't want to do it. I unfortunately am still financally dependent on them (college student syndrom sucks), but I know they feel a responsibility to me to at least support me financially. So who knows what's going to happen.

My mother and father blame most of my opinions and principles on my bf though I had them way before I even met him. It's been an interesting road with them. Sticking to my principles have included fights about him. I don't understand them.

spacemanspiff my parents are funny... they are totally against liberalism, but they also don't think one person can make a difference so why try. I keep on telling them that pacifism does not work and if we don't fight for what we believe in they go off on me, so I don't mention it anymore. I know my dad knew how to shoot a gun way back when and he can't comprehend how I can even enjoy it. For him it was a chore that came with military service. Oh well...
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Standing Wolf

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« Reply #8 on: March 15, 2005, 01:49:56 PM »
Quote
oh yeah my parents are also pacifists...
It's not unheard of for children to be more mature than parents. Here's hoping they'll grow up.
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Hawk

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« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2005, 02:01:14 PM »
Kids today have problems some of us never dreamed of.



My grandmother presented me with a .22 semi-auto rifle of the Montgomery Wards persuasion shortly after my 12th birthday. And advised me thus:

"If you want corn on the cobb for supper, get out in the back yard and deal with them starlings."

And this was upstate New York. The backyard went on for several miles at that time. For those who haven't heard of 'em, starlings are birds that like corn and are singularly unimpressed with scarecrows.

In high school, those of us on the rifle team had to make sure our rifles were unloaded and preferably cased before bringing them on the school bus. They had to be kept in the principal's office until after class when we were bused to the range.

uvakat

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« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2005, 03:46:46 PM »
Quote from: Standing Wolf
Quote
oh yeah my parents are also pacifists...
It's not unheard of for children to be more mature than parents. Here's hoping they'll grow up.
You know I never did understand why I am the way I am... I've always to quote my father been with the rebelling side... never could live with teh status quo... I guess I just grew up with independent thought and realized that some of my parent's beliefs aren't mine... oh well...


hawk that sounds great.... but unfortunately most of my hs friends have never seen a real gun and the rest have only seen one because they were military brats... though I did get my best friend to think that an AK-47 was fun to shoot.
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

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« Reply #11 on: March 16, 2005, 02:27:02 AM »
My dad bought me my first gun with money that I earned mowing lawns and babysitting (it was a Makarov no less). I guess they kinda broke it to me.

uvakat

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« Reply #12 on: March 16, 2005, 03:32:25 AM »
Quote from: c_yeager
My dad bought me my first gun with money that I earned mowing lawns and babysitting (it was a Makarov no less). I guess they kinda broke it to me.
I swear that will be me with my kids... Heck if my bf and I make it to that point...he's already said he'll buy a gun for the child the day I find out I'm pregnant lol (okay so it was a 3 AM we're both isomiacs IM conversation)...

okay I think I may just go home with my HK on my hip... that might cause two heart attacks when I walk in the door lol... oh well good thing the closest firestation/rescue squad is a block away from my parents house
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

aguyindallas

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« Reply #13 on: March 16, 2005, 07:08:29 AM »
I just told them I am going shooting. I got an "oh really" reaction and it went from there. My parents and inlaws (in laws are all hunters) know I carry a gun and dont say anything about it. Now, neither of them actually pursue pro-gun issues, other than in their voting style. I make pro-gun issues a part of life for me, where it is somewhat passive for them.
Vote For Pedro

uvakat

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« Reply #14 on: March 16, 2005, 07:43:37 AM »
lol I tried that... I think I got more then an oh really... I got the whole a women should not shoot a gun, to mom trying to be supportive as long as I don't buy one (didnt tell her the gun I was shooting was mine and not the bf's), to mom and dad now balently anti-me owning a weapon... although I did manage to get them to admit that gun control DOES NOT prevent criminals from getting guns.
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

Pebcac

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« Reply #15 on: March 16, 2005, 11:58:41 AM »
I first told my parents about my interest in guns (not counting the .22 range sessions with my Dad) when I asked for a Beretta 92FS for my 18th birthday.

I got it, but I had to supply the financing for most of it.  Smiley
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jefnvk

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« Reply #16 on: March 16, 2005, 03:05:18 PM »
Since I have never been without guns, I find it much harder telling my parents that I have bought another gun :/
I still say 'Give Detroit to Canada'

Cyanide_357

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« Reply #17 on: March 16, 2005, 08:20:41 PM »
Sorry to hear about your problems.  I really only have half the problem.  Dad likes guns (part because he likes them, part because he is a machinist, and admires the work that goes into them)...   Dad has 'gifted' many guns to me... 3 last year Smiley ... 13 in my collection.  Mom isn't anti... just doesn't get them... all of her family is hunters... so it was a part of life, but just doesn't think I 'need' them... more of a $$$ issue.

Thats why my dad & I don't tell her about some... To her... the glock 22, HK USP Tactical, and HK P2000 all look the same... so she really doesn't know about the glock or usp.  Knows about the P2, actually thinks it's cute... but she only thinks it cost $400...

Me being a college student (and my 3.9 gpa), my dad bought my the glock for grades... and went in over half for usp... and over half for ruger MKII...

Mom still doesn't know about the Benelli M1 Tac.. but that is because she's been away for over 5 months... (long story... health related... been across state with family till her foot healed.. should be back home tomorrow)

I wish you luck... It has to be hard for you.  I've never understood pacifists... I've always wondered what it would take for them to fight back.  I also have to congratulate you on your great weapon choice (the HK -- it a USP?).

Cyanide

uvakat

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« Reply #18 on: March 25, 2005, 03:44:10 AM »
UPDATE: So I took the chicken's way out and told my mother over IM... I think I should probably call the rescue squad up there since she's been unusually quiet lol... oops Sad Well at least I got the nerves to tell her...
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

Waitone

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« Reply #19 on: March 25, 2005, 04:19:38 AM »
Fortunately I've never been there and never did that.  But first, welcome to the dark side.

From your description it sounds like your parents are genetic anti-gunners which means it will be hard to reason with them.  Consider taking the long approach.  You've told your mother about your move to the dark side so that cat is no longer bagged.  Now the trick becomes putting doubt in their minds about the accuracy of their understand of firearms.  I've maintained for years each and every single American is trained in firearms.  Most of the training is courtesy of popular media and therefore completely wrongheaded.  You are a newbie so my guess is you are beginning to see just how wrong popular media is about firearms.

You now have your parents attention now that you've outted ourself.  Provide an example.  If you have a gun at home make a deal out of locking it up.  Trigger locks, cases, safes, whatever you use to secure it.  Talk about the four rules of safety (you do recite them while brushing your teeth don't you?)  Make comments on news stories that have guns involved.  Talk about TV shows or movies and how firearms are used or portrayed.  Tom Selleck westerns feature good gun handling examples as well as some pretty good shoot'em ups.  Point out how hard it is to shoot a pistol accurately (assuming you are into pistol shooting).  Show your parents how Bruce Willis and his blazing away with a model 1911 could not possibly be hitting a target further than 10 feet away.  If your parents get off on "cop killer" bullets let them know there is no such thing.  Worried about plastic guns?  No such animal.  Do they think hollowpoint ammo is cruel?  Explain how it is used and why it is quite legal and humane.

If your parents are genetic anti's as I assume, you'll have discussions about the facts of gun control.  Google up "gunfacts"  It is an open source compendium of claim vs fact (documented) about various issues in gun control.  

The Roundtable is a third generation gun forum.  The original is www.thefiringline.com .  It is up and running and has a tremendous amount of information under the search button.  A while back TFL took a breather and handed the baton to www.thehighroad.com .  It too has tremendous resources under the search button.  One of the better fora on THR was the Roundtable.  It grew beyond the original scope of THR so Oleg opened up this form.  Make use of them all.  They are all tremendous resources.

Keep us posted on your efforts.  Old shooters just love newbies. rolleyes
"Men, it has been well said, think in herds. It will be seen that they go mad in herds, while they only recover their senses slowly, and one by one."
- Charles Mackay, Scottish journalist, circa 1841

"Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives. I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that. That's what's insane about it." - John Lennon

uvakat

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« Reply #20 on: March 25, 2005, 04:36:00 AM »
LOL... well I already did all of that waitone... and yes I was well aware of the two other forums. I just started shooting 8 months ago so I doubt that it came as a suprise to them that one day I would own a gun. I already tell them stories about rape preventions, etc and about how gun control would not work... even got them to admit it. It was just too big of a step for them to see their little daughter own one of those nasy black things that kill people. I've always been pro-gun so they've heard this my entire lifetime...
Nothing like a couple hundred rounds down range to make a girl feel better.  

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« Reply #21 on: March 25, 2005, 05:19:42 AM »
I hope my kids don't rebel and become pacifists.

jamz

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« Reply #22 on: March 25, 2005, 05:45:46 AM »
You don't have to make it their business either.  If they see gun stuff at your place, you don't really have to answer the inevetable "What is THAT??" question.  Just say "toys".


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RevDisk

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« Reply #23 on: March 26, 2005, 12:40:49 PM »
My parents weren't thrilled with my owning firearms either.  Nor CCW'ing.  Which is odd, because I only own semi's.  I miss my automatic grenade launcher.

Then again, we have an odd relationship.  When I was a rather young kid, I got into zero trouble and my parents encouraged me to get into more activities besides reading.   They've been paying for that comment ever since.  

If you really want to tweak them, get into activities 'worse' than firearms.  Skydiving, rock climbing sans ropes, racing, etc.  Then they'll encourage you to "tone it down" into safe activities like firearms.
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duck hunt

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« Reply #24 on: March 26, 2005, 03:18:05 PM »
I take it you're a UVA student?  William and Mary, myself, but it's all good.....if you're looking for some gun-friendly folks to hang with, look up the JAL (Jefferson Area Libertarians)....good folks!