What would you do ?

[grampster]

I hope you will forgive me Scout, but I have just wept for you.  Having had to come to terms with cancer myself, I discovered it to be a vastly lonely experience.  I so empathize with your reaching out.

Since I have generally lived my life doing every thing the freaking hard way; buying high and selling low; coming to acknowledge that if a thing needs doing it follows that it will have to be done over 3 or 4 times; discovering that if a thing has a 80-20 chance of not failing, it will inevitably fail and in so doing I have become a walking corollary to Murphy's Law in and of myself.  Understanding these and other things finally, and oddly has given me a sense of richness and peace in my life...that and finally understanding the reality of my faith, that indeed, the Word became flesh, dwelt among us and provided for us all that which was foretold.  CS Lewis once wrote that when a person finally came to grips with the fact that we are eternal beings, much of what troubles us in the flesh tends to fade a bit.

I would fight the good fight, Scout.  That dark creature has been knocked down, so now step down hard and grind your foot upon it.  You are young and you have much to offer us, your children, and your fellow fighters.

[Angel Eyes]

I vote for maintenance.  Bearing in mind that I work in healthcare, especially related to oncology.  The reason why I voted is it buys you time.  Time during which additional treatments can be discovered and implemented.  

MillCreek nailed it, IMO.  You never know what new treatments will become available in the near future.

You will be in our thoughts.

[charby]

Right now, as I am, I would fight the disease for every second, every minute of life.

ditto

[Hawkmoon]

My choice might be dictated by the fact that I'm a senior citizen, but I have had my living will in place and unchanged for a long time. I would opt for whatever is going to least detract from my quality of life while I'm alive. I've known for a long, long time that life is fatal and nobody gets out alive. Even in Vietnam, I wasn't concerned about being killed, I worried only about being wounded and permanently disabled. (Thanks be to God, that didn't happen.)

It may be something in my family's genes. A cousin who was a year older than I had a tumor near the base of her skull. They did surgery and couldn't get all of it out. The docs wanted her to go on chemotherapy. She opted not to, precisely because of the quality of life issues. She knew the cancer was going to kill her, so the only question was whether to go out on her terms, or to go out on the cancer's terms. She chose to go out on her terms. I was living back east and she was in Arizona at the time. I visited and spent some time with her about six months before she died. She struck me as being totally serene and at peace with her decision. I think (no, I am certain) that it was much MUCH more difficult for her parents (and her son) to watch her fade away than it was for her to pass over.

Whatever you decide, be at peace with your decision and with yourself.

[Grandpa Shooter]

My choice might be dictated by the fact that I'm a senior citizen, but I have had my living will in place and unchanged for a long time. I would opt for whatever is going to least detract from my quality of life while I'm alive. I've known for a long, long time that life is fatal and nobody gets out alive. Even in Vietnam, I wasn't concerned about being killed, I worried only about being wounded and permanently disabled. (Thanks be to God, that didn't happen.)

It may be something in my family's genes. A cousin who was a year older than I had a tumor near the base of her skull. They did surgery and couldn't get all of it out. The docs wanted her to go on chemotherapy. She opted not to, precisely because of the quality of life issues. She knew the cancer was going to kill her, so the only question was whether to go out on her terms, or to go out on the cancer's terms. She chose to go out on her terms. I was living back east and she was in Arizona at the time. I visited and spent some time with her about six months before she died. She struck me as being totally serene and at peace with her decision. I think (no, I am certain) that it was much MUCH more difficult for her parents (and her son) to watch her fade away than it was for her to pass over.

Whatever you decide, be at peace with your decision and with yourself.

[/b]


My thoughts, only I did become permanently disabled.  I have fought a hell of a fight, and will continue as long as it makes sense.

[Monkeyleg]

I'd go with the maintenance chemo, having things suck a bit more but postponing going on full chemo.

I sure wish you didn't have to make this decision.

[Lee]

I'd probably go the maintenance route just to keep my family happy.  The technology does improve all the time though, and it would be a shame not to be there if/when a really good permanent treatment is found.  

Grampster said , "Having had to come to terms with cancer myself, I discovered it to be a vastly lonely experience."

That really is true I think...especially if you work in the modern Corporate world, where any discussion of health is generally taboo, and cancer in particular.  Even if people could talk about it, they generally don't feel comfortable with the subject.  Broken leg...sure. Heart by-pass...sure.  The C word ...nope.  

Hang in there.  Do what's best for you, and for those who care about you and/or need you.  

[Physics]

I have been silently watching (well, more like reading) your situation for awhile now.  Believe it or not, I too have shed some number of tears over this.  There have been countless times that I have wanted to tell you so, but never knew how to say it.  I know cancer isnt the only problem you are facing right now.  I can't say things will get better, I don't know.  What I can say is that you ARE an inspiration to people.  I know, I'm one of them.  For that reason, and those laid out by Millcreek, I say fight it with all your soul.  But then again my philosophy in life is to never give up.  Good luck with your decison, that is a tough one to say the least.

[cassandra and sara's daddy]

i vote maintenance then i would follow grampster's plan.  i would draw a line in the sand quality of life wise and when it was crossed get all in touch with my japanese side. i would hope i had a friend i could rely on to help in the event i was unable to do what was needed myself.  i've got a mean streak would be inclined to try to make it look like an accident to screw the insurance company on the double indemnity. i have lil love for insurance companies. i think one thing i would do is make a video to my kids telling em how much i loved them and what they meant to me and give it to a friend to give my kids when they  were old enough

[zxcvbob]

There's might be a different middle path that the on-a-month-off-a-month thing.  Is there a less chemo protocol for MM that will keep the disease down for a year or two with little side effects?

The best dog we ever had got lymphoma or leukemia at about 6 years old.  She was at death's door, and we put her on Prednisone -- that's it, just Prednisone, even though we knew it wouldn't cure it like more aggressive chemo might.  We didn't want to torture her with an aggressive protocol.  She made an instantaneous remarkable recovery that lasted for about 2 months.  Then she crashed and was gone in 2 days.  It was a good 2 months.  If we had done nothing, she would've lingered in pain for a week or so until we put her down.

Not to draw too many parallel with a dog, has your oncologist said anything about, say, a month of chemo then switch to Prednisone- or Predisolone-only maintenance?

My FIL had small-cell lung cancer.  He was on an experimental treatment that (if I recall correctly) involved drugs normally given for breast cancer.  Kept him alive for almost 2 years, and he was only in pain and really sick for the last month.  For lung cancer, that's damn good.

[Scout26]

Monday 2:00pm is my appointment with my Oncologist.  This issue has never been far from my thoughts, no matter what I've been doing.

This last cycle of chemo has really kicked my butt.  It's taken longer to bounce back.  I've been sleeping for ~24 hours (minus the time to feed and let the dog out, he stands by the back door and barks  )  after that I'm still dragging my butt around the house for the next day or so.  This week chemo was on Wednesday.  I slept through Thursday evening, ate a little and went back to bed until this morning.

One thing that I have always considered, but not mentioned here, is that my father has buried two of my brothers.  His eldest, Jim, was killed in a motorcycle accident in the early 80's.  His second eldest, Jerry, two years ago from complications of Agent Orange.  My dad is 86 years old, he could not take hearing Taps and being handed the folded flag a third time.

I can't do that to him.  I've known for quite a while that I have to outlive him, and he's healthier then a horse.

I also have my son.  I want to see him make it into Boy Scouts and make Eagle Scout.

So no matter how hard and how bad it is for me, I have to be there for them.

That I do know.

[Grandpa Shooter]

You are without a doubt, the most honorable man I am privileged to know of.  I salute you Sir.

[sumpnz]

I voted maintenance.  I figure it's probably the best balance of being able to live life and dealing with teh suck.  Plus, you always decide to suspend the maintenance.  Probably easier to do that than try to start it after a few months.

[birdman]

I'm new here, but this still touched me.  I would do whatever you can to extend your days with your family.  Every day is a gift, live it the best you can.  Even though it was tough at the end, I wish I had even one more day with those I've lost in my family.  And, being one with a long term degenerative illness (MS) (I know it's not the same), one thing being diagnosed changed in me, was I now value every day I can spend with friends, family, and every new thing I can go do...I used to SAY live life with no regrets, but now I try to live that.  I'll keep you in my prayers, hope for miracles (even small ones).  Every extra day you will spend with your family is a miracle on it's own, and that is worth any pain or effort.

[Doggy Daddy]

Many have expressed same or similar to SADShooter,

One thing I remember from some of your posts was the humor you brought to the staff and other patients you interacted with. You may not realize it, but I'm quite sure that was an inspiring example for many of them, to say nothing of how much your presence here is appreciated.

but I like the way he put it.  It fits the impression of you that I have.

I won't even touch upon what I would do.  In my mind, it has to be your choice, without influence.  Having said that, I hope to see you on here for a good, long time.

DD

World needs MORE bass players, not less!

[T.O.M.]

One thing that I have always considered, but not mentioned here, is that my father has buried two of my brothers.  His eldest, Jim, was killed in a motorcycle accident in the early 80's.  His second eldest, Jerry, two years ago from complications of Agent Orange.  My dad is 86 years old, he could not take hearing Taps and being handed the folded flag a third time.

I can't do that to him.  I've known for quite a while that I have to outlive him, and he's healthier then a horse.

I also have my son.  I want to see him make it into Boy Scouts and make Eagle Scout.

So no matter how hard and how bad it is for me, I have to be there for them.

That I do know.

Then you have made your choice, so go kick the ever loving crap out of this cancer.  Kick its ass out of you and enjoy your life, every raindrop, every cloud, every ray of sunshine, every bullet fired downrange, and know that you have hundreds of people supporting you.  God bless.

[roo_ster]

You are without a doubt, the most honorable man I am privileged to know of.  I salute you Sir.

This.