Alien Covenant

[Ben]

I just watched this stinker last night. They should have named it, "Imbeciles in Space". At least Prometheus had good visuals. This may in fact be the worst installment of the Alien franchise. I can only surmise that Ridley Scott is suffering severe dementia (or perhaps greed).

From five minutes into the movie, I couldn't care less about a single character. They were all practically just part of the background. It was a crew of whiny and undisciplined 15 year olds. Also, without giving spoilers, if the events of this installment exist, then Alien cannot exist. In fact none of the movies pre Prometheus can exist.

[K Frame]

Just freaking great.

Two movies this year that I had high hopes for and which have apparently been just bags of suck wrapped in crap.

I swear to God if Blade Runner 2049 sucks as bad as Alien Covenant and The Dark Tower have, I'm going to rampage through downtown Burbank.

[Ben]

I swear to God if Blade Runner 2049 sucks as bad as Alien Covenant and The Dark Tower have, I'm going to rampage through downtown Burbank.

The Dark Tower sucked? Damn. I was looking forward to watching it.

As for the new Bladerunner movie, as I was reading reviews to see how many other people hated Alien Covenant (a lot!)  I ran into the disconcerting news that one of the lead writers for Alien Covenant is a lead writer for Bladerunner 2049. Please let's keep in touch for the Burbank rampage.

[dogmush]

What possible engineering reason is there to have a flamethrower vent in a cryosleep pod? The movie went downhill from there. If Scott messes up Bladerunner, he may have to leave the country and live in hiding for the rest of his life.

[RevDisk]

I heard two things about Covenant. It sucked horribly, and the space suit designs are great.

[K Frame]

"The Dark Tower sucked? Damn. I was looking forward to watching it."

A "solid" 16% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Lots of lines about how whomever was responsible for writing the movie wasted Idris Elba's abilities (which are pretty damned formidable).



" Please let's keep in touch for the Burbank rampage."

OK, but dibs on the Giant Wolf.

You can be the ape or the lizard. Don't care.

[mtnbkr]

" Please let's keep in touch for the Burbank rampage."

OK, but dibs on the Giant Wolf.

You can be the ape or the lizard. Don't care.

Ha!  Took me a bit to get what you were referring to. :D

Chris

[Ben]

I swear to God, I need to just stick with my old timey movies. I don't know what the hell is going on with these $100 million dollar movies that all suck. You always expect that there's going to be a bunch of crappy movies made every year, balanced out by some good and a few great ones. In recent years, I have to wonder what happened to the great ones.

I don't know if I can even come up with 5-6 movies I've watched in the last couple of years that I can give two thumbs up to. 13 Hours and Sicario come to mind immediately, but then I have to start thinking to remember other good ones.

Sadly, or maybe it's a good thing, I look forward to a few of the SyFy series every year moreso than any movies coming out of Hollywood. Also The Last Ship is really good.

[Ben]

Ha!  Took me a bit to get what you were referring to. :D

Chris

I had to look it up, but I'll be the ape. 

[MechAg94]

I swear to God, I need to just stick with my old timey movies. I don't know what the hell is going on with these $100 million dollar movies that all suck. You always expect that there's going to be a bunch of crappy movies made every year, balanced out by some good and a few great ones. In recent years, I have to wonder what happened to the great ones.

I don't know if I can even come up with 5-6 movies I've watched in the last couple of years that I can give two thumbs up to. 13 Hours and Sicario come to mind immediately, but then I have to start thinking to remember other good ones.

Sadly, or maybe it's a good thing, I look forward to a few of the SyFy series every year moreso than any movies coming out of Hollywood. Also The Last Ship is really good.

What gets me is that these people still get hired.  I guess rich guys just keep throwing money at this crap without making any effort at quality control.  If a writer does a movie that sucks, why would anyone hire them again?

[CypherNinja]

" Please let's keep in touch for the Burbank rampage."

OK, but dibs on the Giant Wolf.

You can be the ape or the lizard. Don't care.

LOL, I'll be Lizzie, as usual. (I loved that game as a kid)

Your post got me searching it out of nostalgia, and I found out they just started filming a movie. I know it'll suck, but I want to see it anyway. 

[TommyGunn]

I just watched this stinker last night. They should have named it, "Imbeciles in Space". At least Prometheus had good visuals. This may in fact be the worst installment of the Alien franchise. I can only surmise that Ridley Scott is suffering severe dementia (or perhaps greed).

From five minutes into the movie, I couldn't care less about a single character. They were all practically just part of the background. It was a crew of whiny and undisciplined 15 year olds. Also, without giving spoilers, if the events of this installment exist, then Alien cannot exist. In fact none of the movies pre Prometheus can exist.

I saw the blu-ray version a couple weks ago.  The visuals, I thought, were pretty good.  But pretty pictures, while nice, do not make for a good movie.  The story was  ...   well.... we should (1.) know better than to trust a robot, (2.)  know better than to allow our spaceship to become distracted by mysterious space radio signals.
While I am unsure how this film negates the possibility of the earlier ALIEN franchises, I am perplexed at just how this film DOES fit in.  It appears to only fit in to its own stand-alone universe -- almost as if it were a "re-boot."  But I leave open the tiny possibility that some particularly imaginative writer might just be able to concoct some bizarre storyline that could 'splain the matter.   But I am being generous here.
OK, if you like nasty aliens erupting from peoples' guts....being chased around a spaceship by critters with nasty pharyngeal jaws that penetrate thick windows and human skulls in a single punch .... having a "face-hugger" impregnate clueless commanders...hey, the action is all there....mainly in the last part of the movie.

My vote:  STINKER.

[Ben]

While I am unsure how this film negates the possibility of the earlier ALIEN franchises, I am perplexed at just how this film DOES fit in.  

Okay, for those who don't want a spoiler, I'll create some blank space:


















This movie shows that David created the alien pods. If he created the alien pods, then there was no way for the Nostromo crew to find a thousands of years old ship on LV-426 that contained alien pods. The only semi-semi-plausable explanation is that David replicated the genetic manipulation that led to pods. That's a bit farfetched though.

[K Frame]

"Your post got me searching it out of nostalgia, and I found out they just started filming a movie. I know it'll suck, but I want to see it anyway."

Oh sweet merciful jeebus you have GOT to be kidding me....

[dogmush]

What gets me is that these people still get hired.  I guess rich guys just keep throwing money at this crap without making any effort at quality control.  If a writer does a movie that sucks, why would anyone hire them again?

Everyone agrees that Alien Covenant was meh at best. But it grossed $232 million worldwide, against a $97 million budget. And that's why they get hired.  Crappy movies make money, pretty reliably.  If you need more evidence, see: Michael Bay and Transformers.

[TommyGunn]

Okay, for those who don't want a spoiler, I'll create some blank space:





This movie shows that David created the alien pods. If he created the alien pods, then there was no way for the Nostromo crew to find a thousands of years old ship on LV-426 that contained alien pods. The only semi-semi-plausable explanation is that David replicated the genetic manipulation that led to pods. That's a bit farfetched though.

Was the spaceship on LV426 thousands of years old?   I must have missed the part where they carbon dated it.   I was wondering why the robot (Ash) on the Nostromo was so perplexed about what the facehugger was doing, since assuming David had designed the creatures, unless David never communicated anything back from the COVENANT (which seems odd to me), Ash ought to have known all along ....so too with the Weyland Co....and then, why send out an obviously unprepared crew to retrieve such a deadly species?  They might not have cared about the lives of the crew ...but why risk having the NOSTROMO return (if it did) full of vicious alien critters that eat everything or use everything to breed more vicious alien critters?   You want a BIOWEAPON?  Great.  If you cannot control it, then it's as much a danger to you as to your enemies.
And other things, too.   The whole thing really does not fit together very well.  Atleast to me.

[CypherNinja]

Oh sweet merciful jeebus you have GOT to be kidding me....

Read it and weep: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2231461/

Starring the Rock and everything.

ETA: and two screenwriters credited with rewrites. 

[zahc]

Just to pile on... Ghost in the Shell movie. I literally cannot imagine how you can fail so bad.

I have decided they don't actually make movies anymore, just trailers. Usually when I see one of these, I get the feeling that if they cut it a bit more it would be a decent trailer; there's just no actual movie.

[HeroHog]

Just to pile on... Ghost in the Shell movie. I literally cannot imagine how you can fail so bad.

I have decided they don't actually make movies anymore, just trailers. Usually when I see one of these, I get the feeling that if they cut it a bit more it would be a decent trailer; there's just no actual movie.

You're REALLY gonna "love" Death Note, the live action version.

[mtnbkr]

You're REALLY gonna "love" Death Note, the live action version.

I watched that train wreck.  I didn't know it was a Japanese comic until after.  The entire time, I was thinking "WTF", but I persevered just to see what happened.

Chris

[HeroHog]

The anime of Death Note is great. Highly recommend it.

[Sideways_8]

Was the spaceship on LV426 thousands of years old?   I must have missed the part where they carbon dated it.   I was wondering why the robot (Ash) on the Nostromo was so perplexed about what the facehugger was doing, since assuming David had designed the creatures, unless David never communicated anything back from the COVENANT (which seems odd to me), Ash ought to have known all along ....so too with the Weyland Co....and then, why send out an obviously unprepared crew to retrieve such a deadly species?  They might not have cared about the lives of the crew ...but why risk having the NOSTROMO return (if it did) full of vicious alien critters that eat everything or use everything to breed more vicious alien critters?   You want a BIOWEAPON?  Great.  If you cannot control it, then it's as much a danger to you as to your enemies.
And other things, too.   The whole thing really does not fit together very well.  Atleast to me.

Using aliens as a bio weapon and losing control? Wasn't that Alien: Resurrection?

[RevDisk]

Just to pile on... Ghost in the Shell movie. I literally cannot imagine how you can fail so bad.

I have decided they don't actually make movies anymore, just trailers. Usually when I see one of these, I get the feeling that if they cut it a bit more it would be a decent trailer; there's just no actual movie.

I didn't think Ghost in the Shell was that bad.

[AJ Dual]

Was the spaceship on LV426 thousands of years old?   I must have missed the part where they carbon dated it.   I was wondering why the robot (Ash) on the Nostromo was so perplexed about what the facehugger was doing, since assuming David had designed the creatures, unless David never communicated anything back from the COVENANT (which seems odd to me), Ash ought to have known all along ....so too with the Weyland Co....and then, why send out an obviously unprepared crew to retrieve such a deadly species?  They might not have cared about the lives of the crew ...but why risk having the NOSTROMO return (if it did) full of vicious alien critters that eat everything or use everything to breed more vicious alien critters?   You want a BIOWEAPON?  Great.  If you cannot control it, then it's as much a danger to you as to your enemies.
And other things, too.   The whole thing really does not fit together very well.  Atleast to me.

It also goes back to if all the Alien/Predator movies are considered to be cannon too. Because then the Xenomorph predates any of the events in the "Alien franchise".

Everyone agrees that Alien Covenant was meh at best. But it grossed $232 million worldwide, against a $97 million budget. And that's why they get hired.  Crappy movies make money, pretty reliably.  If you need more evidence, see: Michael Bay and Transformers.

It really comes down to the corporate studio system. That's why there's so many sequels and re-boots, and a million movies in the same franchise. They're all looking for guaranteed returns, and they can point to past box office returns for a given movie or franchise as justification for going back to the same well over and over.

I didn't think Ghost in the Shell was that bad.

I didn't either.  I think too many people had unreasonable expectations from the Anime, original GITS, Solid State Society, Second Complex etc.  And honestly, unless you're an Anime fan, or a Japanophile or total weaboo, all of the GITS Animes are a TERRIBLE "American Movie". Way too much exposition and internal dialogue. Put it this way, it would be worse than David Lynch's Dune if you did it line for line in a live-action movie. And there's a metric ton of subtle cultural references that really only make sense to Japanese people. The muddied ambiguous politics, the different ill-defined factions and different departments of the government fighting each other through feint and subterfuge.  Something like 3/4ths of the overall plot doesn't make sense in the original Anime if you aren't up on how almost nothing is discussed or happens in a blunt direct manner in Japanese society.

Reasonable expectations for the live-action Ghost In The Shell always was going to be cool action, cool sets and props. Fan service comprised of a few choice scenes from the original Anime. Heavy on the "mood" and little substance. And a mashup of a few different plots from the GITS franchise was also something everyone should have expected.

[230RN]

Ho hum.

Ben remarked,

They were all practically just part of the background. It was a crew of whiny and undisciplined 15 year olds.

I can't speak to the movies, but it seems to me that describes the personnel complement of most script committees nowadays.  At least in terms of what I've been seeing on TV of late.

References to pot smoking deleted from the following dialog in the storyboard room...

"OK, so then what?"

"Ooo, ooo, I've got it.  So then he leaps across the gap to the other building but the bad guy tries it and doesn't make it and starts to fall the fifteen stories to the pavement below."

"That's good, that's good...."

Long pause while the collective imagination mulls it over.

"OK, so then what?"

"Ooo, ooo, so then the hero is concerned that his falling body will hurt people in the street below, so he uses his superpower of having a tractor beam in his left pinky to pull the bad guy back up and captures him and takes him to jail."

"Oooo, yeah, yeah, I can see the visual now.  Waves of power coming out of his left pinky."

"Oooo, oooo, yeah, and loud humming, too."

"Yeah, that's the ticket. And his saving the bad guy symbolizes the goodness of his nature."

Long pause while the typist types all this out.

"Hey, wait a minute.  Where'd this tractor beam superpower come from? We never scripted that before...?"

"Nah, that's OK.  The audience will never catch on to that."

"Yeah, right, they never caught on to how he got back to the city on a submarine in the fourth spinoff."

"OK, so then what?

"Hey, wait a minute.  What if we have the bad guy splat on the pavement with his guts spraying out and bones 'n stuff sticking out of his remains?"

"Oooo, ooo, yeah.  That'll get us the PG rating.  Guaranteed draw!"

"And zoom in on his wide open bloody dead eyeballs!"

"But then we can't use the tractor beam in his left pinky!"

"What if the hero's tractor beam misses the bad guy on the way down?"

"Yeah, good, good."

"OK, so then what?"

And so on.

And of course, nobody ever thinks of the tensile strength required in the good guy's left pinky tractor beam.

Terry jumps on his tricked out motorcycle which never appeared anywhere else in the plot and roars off to safety, 230RN.