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Author Topic: Babylon Bee  (Read 15956 times)
Angel Eyes
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« Reply #75 on: December 06, 2019, 09:30:26 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/rise-of-skywalker-to-introduce-first-lesbian-at-at


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"Individual liberty and freedom are not outmoded concepts."
                      - Judge Roger T. Benitez, Duncan v. Becerra
MechAg94
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« Reply #76 on: December 06, 2019, 10:53:27 AM »

So what happens when a male snowspeeder tries to wrap cables around its legs?
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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #77 on: December 06, 2019, 10:58:00 AM »

Depends on whether it's consensual.
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"Individual liberty and freedom are not outmoded concepts."
                      - Judge Roger T. Benitez, Duncan v. Becerra
Doggy Daddy
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From the saner side of Las Vegas


« Reply #78 on: December 07, 2019, 09:12:54 AM »

So what happens when a male snowspeeder tries to wrap cables around its legs?

Obviously, it will scissor the cables and set itself free.
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Is this a devil's advocacy thing, or are you just programmed for "dick" ?
-Andiron

Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.
Fly320s
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Formerly, Arthur, King of the Britons


« Reply #79 on: December 07, 2019, 10:15:14 AM »

Obviously, it will scissor the cables and set itself free.

You owe me a new ipad.
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Islamic sex dolls.  Do they blow themselves up?
Angel Eyes
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« Reply #80 on: December 08, 2019, 08:13:03 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/hi-mr-kaepernick-this-is-the-detroit-lions-says-giggling-trump-on-yet-another-prank-call-to-colin-kaepernick

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"Individual liberty and freedom are not outmoded concepts."
                      - Judge Roger T. Benitez, Duncan v. Becerra
Doggy Daddy
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From the saner side of Las Vegas


« Reply #81 on: December 10, 2019, 06:06:44 AM »

You owe me a new ipad.

Yeah, you just keep watching under your Christmas tree.
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Is this a devil's advocacy thing, or are you just programmed for "dick" ?
-Andiron

Would you exchange
a walk-on part in a war
for a lead role in a cage?
-P.F.
Angel Eyes
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You're not diggin'


« Reply #82 on: December 10, 2019, 09:43:17 PM »


https://babylonbee.com/news/rian-johnson-to-direct-mr-rogers-sequel-where-hes-just-bitter-old-man-who-doesnt-believe-in-all-that-be-kind-to-your-neighbor-crap-anymore

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"Individual liberty and freedom are not outmoded concepts."
                      - Judge Roger T. Benitez, Duncan v. Becerra
RoadKingLarry
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« Reply #83 on: December 11, 2019, 06:02:19 AM »


It's like looking in a mirror
 
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If ye love wealth better than liberty, the tranquility of servitude better than the animating contest of freedom, go home from us in peace. We ask not your counsels or your arms. Crouch down and lick the hands which feed you. May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.

Samuel Adams
MechAg94
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« Reply #84 on: January 06, 2020, 07:04:42 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/san-franciscos-dogs-begin-bagging-people-poop
San Francisco Dogs Begin Bagging People Poop

Quote
The dogs have begun putting signs up around the city reading things like, "Please Pick Up After Your Owner" and "If Your Human Poops, You Scoop."

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MechAg94
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« Reply #85 on: January 06, 2020, 07:05:35 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/opinion-trump-is-doing-the-right-thing-but-hes-still-doing-it-as-trump-which-makes-it-bad
Opinion: Trump Is Doing The Right Thing, But Heĺs Doing It As Trump, Which Means Itĺs Still Bad

Quote
Itĺs clear that Trump canĺt do anything right because he will stubbornly insist on being Trump while doing it. Thatĺs why he must resignŚthough I will then criticize him for abandoning the country in our time of need.
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MechAg94
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« Reply #86 on: January 06, 2020, 07:06:51 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/california-robber-agrees-to-wait-10-days-for-victims-gun-purchase-to-go-through
California Robber Agrees To Come Back In 10 Days When Victim's Gun Purchase Has Gone Through

Quote
"You know what? You're right -- it's not fair for me to do this when you have to wait 10 days to protect yourself. How about this -- I'll go rob some other peeps and hit you up later once your gun is in?"

The robber also agreed that when he comes back, he will wait for the man to go get his gun, unlock it, get the separately stored ammo, and load the firearm, "just so that it's a fair fight."
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MechAg94
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« Reply #87 on: January 06, 2020, 11:47:03 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/anti-wall-extremist-the-kool-aid-man-leads-campaign-against-trump
Anti-Wall Extremist The Kool-Aid Man Leads Campaign Against Trump

Quote
The Kool-Aid Man did not mince words in his new campaign against Trump, though. When asked if the president should be impeached, he had a simple response.

ôOh yeah!ö

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« Reply #88 on: January 09, 2020, 05:50:36 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/church-greeters-stationed-at-southern-border-to-deter-immigrants
Church Greeters Stationed At Southern Border To Deter Immigrants


Quote
"Studies have shown that overzealous church greeters can prevent illegal crossings 422% more effectively than a traditional, solid barrier," said a US Border Patrol agent. "When illegal aliens see the happy church volunteers trying to chase them down and ask about their week, they're sure to flee many miles away so their personal space isn't violated by the notoriously extroverted church staffers again."

The plan will reportedly also include stations with extremely watered-down coffee to discourage the immigrants from entering any further.
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MechAg94
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« Reply #89 on: January 09, 2020, 05:52:02 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/more-unborn-babies-disguising-themselves-as-baby-yoda-so-their-liberal-parents-wont-abort-them
More Unborn Babies Disguising Themselves As Baby Yoda To Avoid Being Aborted
Quote
When pro-choicers saw the Baby Yodas in their sonograms, they instantly dropped their support for abortion, saying they couldn't bear to harm such an adorable little guy.

"Awwwww he's so cute!" one Portland progressive pregnant woman said. "I couldn't possibly end the beating heart of this little man."

Quote
Bounty hunters across the country also vowed to protect the unborn after the disguises were in place.
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MechAg94
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« Reply #90 on: January 09, 2020, 05:52:45 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they
Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'


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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #91 on: January 09, 2020, 07:16:45 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/driver-allowed-access-to-carpool-lane-since-preferred-pronoun-is-they
Man Driving Alone In Carpool Lane Informs Officer His Preferred Pronoun Is 'They'

I'm just pondering whether that would work in California.
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MechAg94
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« Reply #92 on: January 09, 2020, 11:07:47 AM »

I'm just pondering whether that would work in California.

If you get an officer with a sense of humor, it may at least get you a warning.
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« Reply #93 on: January 10, 2020, 05:46:55 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-libertarian-convert-asks-ron-paul-into-his-heart
New Libertarian Convert Asks Ron Paul Into His Heart

Quote
At publishing time, the man had committed to tithe 10% of his cryptocurrency and precious metals to The Ron Paul Institute for Peace and Prosperity, and made a solemn vow never rest until every human being on earth had heard the good news of libertarianism.
grin
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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #94 on: January 10, 2020, 07:48:42 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/journalists-caution-against-assigning-empire-all-the-blame-for-blowing-up-alderaan
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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #95 on: January 22, 2020, 02:24:45 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/greta-thunberg-sent-down-garbage-chute-after-demanding-willy-wonka-end-harmful-carbon-emissions-now

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"Individual liberty and freedom are not outmoded concepts."
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MechAg94
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« Reply #96 on: January 24, 2020, 05:21:49 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/report-more-unborn-babies-in-new-york-identifying-as-convicted-criminals-so-they-cant-legally-be-executed
Report: More Unborn Babies In New York Identifying As Convicted Criminals So They Can't Legally Be Executed


Quote
State leaders were blindsided by the strategy and aren't sure whether they should restrict abortion or rescind the ban on capital punishment. "We're definitely in a bit of a pickle," Governor Andrew Cuomo said. "We must respect these babies' chosen identities as serial killers, and we obviously can't perform a lethal injection on a serial killer."

"That would just be inhumane," he added, shaking his head.
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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #97 on: January 27, 2020, 09:40:19 AM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/the-babylon-bee-purchases-competing-satire-site-cnn-for-12-billion

Snopes says "mostly true"
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MechAg94
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« Reply #98 on: January 30, 2020, 11:57:04 AM »

Visa Offers New Dave Ramsey Credit Card With Credit Limit Of Zero
https://babylonbee.com/news/visa-offers-new-dave-ramsey-credit-card-credit-limit-zero
Quote
ôWhatĺs great about the official Dave Ramsey card is that it always gets declined,ö Ramsey said on his radio program. ôTry to buy a new fishing reel? Declined. Try to book a family vacation you canĺt afford? Declined. Replace a shredded tire you failed to budget for? Yup, you guessed itŚdeclined.ö
laugh

Quote
According to Ramsey, the new card also offers rewards points, giving 0% back on all food and gas purchases and 0% back when used and declined for purchases at online retailers like Amazon and eBay.

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Angel Eyes
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« Reply #99 on: January 30, 2020, 03:41:19 PM »

https://babylonbee.com/news/cnn-announces-daily-two-minutes-hate-segment

(some would say it lasts a lot longer than two minutes)

Quote
"Repeat after me: Trump voters are sheep!"

"Trump voters are sheep," viewers mumbled obediently.
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