Need some help....Trying to find the Parable of the free lunch.

[itgoesboom]

Last year there was an email going around about a group of people who got together for lunch everyday, and the bill was paid in increments depending on how much each idividual made.  

It explained our tax system pretty well.  I know I saw it 3-4 times on the Roundtable alone.

But I can't find it anywhere, and I am trying to use it to explain it to my wife.  

Any help?

I.G.B.

[itgoesboom]

Nevermind, found it.  

Perhaps an allegory will explain this point. There were a group of five middle-aged men who were old high school football buddies. They ate lunch together every Wednesday at their favorite restaurant. One of the men was quite wealthy and he began picking up most of the lunch bill  about 80% of the tab. Two of the other fellows, who had good jobs, split the balance of the bill  each paying 10%. Since the bill was now covered, the remaining two friends paid nothing. This was how the other three wanted it, as they knew their two friends were not flush with cash. They kept meeting weekly for several months. One day, the restaurant owner, came to the table of these five friends and apologized for overcharging them the past many months and that he owed them a refund of $500. The owner laid five one hundred bills on the table.

The two men who had paid nothing all these months for lunch said, Hey, this is great, we each get $100. The friends who had actually paid the bill, said, Come on, be serious, since we have paid the bills all these months, we should get the refund in proportion to what we paid. The two who had not paid anything, became angry and said, This is not fair, why should you benefit from the refund and we not share in the benefit? Why are you being so greedy? Those who had graciously paid the lunch bill for months sat stunned that their friends who had paid nothing thought they should take an equal share of the refund and had the nerve to call them greedy.

And so it is with the federal income tax debate. The Left criticizes a tax cut on the basis that those who pay the most will see the greatest reduction. Like the two ungrateful friends, the Left seems to think that those who pay little should receive most of the refund. In essence, Liberals want tax cuts to be a welfare program.

I.G.B.

OK...back to The High Road I go....see y'all over there.

[jefnvk]

Good way of putting it.  It always cracks me up to see poeple complaining that the rich get more back on tax refunds, as if they can't figure that they paid more in teh first place.

[Phantom Warrior]

I just read somewhere that the wealthier 50 percent of taxpayers pays something like 96% of the income tax burden.

[tyme]

Unrelated to free lunches, but funny and related to the IRS...

DON'T LET THE TAX MAN BUG YOU
By P.S. Wall (Off the Wall), June 21, 1998

"A word of advice," the tax auditor says as he strolls into Sweetie's office. "The fish is killed by its open mouth."
"Confucius?" I ask.

"Mafia Handbook," he says. Leave it to Sweetie and me to get audited by Vito, the Mafia Tax Man.

Casually taking a look around the room, Tax Man suddenly pulls out a flashlight and takes a peek under Sweetie's desk.

"Old habits are hard to break," he says as he climbs up on a chair.

"Old habits?" I ask, frowning up at him.

"Used to own an exterminating business," he says as he drives a pen knife into an exposed beam.

An exterminator on the IRS fast track. We're doomed.

"So," Tax Man says, dusting his hands off and dropping into a chair, "are you nervous about the audit?"

"Should we be?" I ask.

"Well, you know what they say," he says as he pops the lock on his briefcase. "Make a mistake with the Mafia, you wake up with a horse head in your bed. Make a mistake with the IRS, you wake up without a bed."

I make a note to put the bed in my mother's name.

Meanwhile, Sweetie is leaning back in his chair, calmly tapping his fingers together under his chin. He's so cool his mustache is starting to frost.

"An honest man is never nervous," Sweetie comments casually.

"A thief without an opportunity calls himself an honest man," Tax Man volleys back.

And the wife of the man who picks fights with the IRS gets conjugal visits.

"Do you need to see the W-2s?" Sweetie asks, pulling out a file.

"The eagle doesn't hunt flies," Tax Man huffs.

Taking his glasses out of their case, Tax Man carefully curls them behind his ears. Sighing, he starts combing through the financials.

"Whoa!" he suddenly says, when he sees how many taxes we pay. "This has gotta hurt!"

"I never begrudge paying taxes," Sweetie shrugs. I turn to see if Sweetie is foaming at the mouth. "The more you pay, the more money your business must be making," he explains. "Next year, I hope we pay twice as much!"

Tax Man glances over the file at Sweetie.

"It doesn't bother you that the average American works from January to May to pay his taxes?" he asks.

"Look at all we get for it," Sweetie says, squinting a bit as he sips his hot coffee.

"You're telling me it doesn't infuriate you to call the IRS for help, and even they can't figure it out?"

Sweetie blows it off with a flip of the hand. "That's why we pay our tax accountant out the nose."

"Come on," Tax Man says, leaning forward in his chair. "When we charge you 21 percent interest -- PLUS penalties -- doesn't it make you want to squeeze my 1099?!"

Sweetie leans across the desk to meet him. "It's a small price to pay for the freedom to own your own business and be your own boss."

Tax Man falls back in his chair.

"You know what?" he suddenly asks, snapping his briefcase closed.

"Sweetie's future cell mate is a weight lifter named Roto-Rooter?" I whimper.

"No, you have termites." Slapping a tattered business card on Sweetie's desk, Tax Man heads for the door. "Give me a call."

"Sweetie," I say, as we watch Tax Man drive away, "have you ever considered using your powers for good?"

"Too taxing," Sweetie says.

Copyright 1998 P.S. Wall. All rights reserved.
http://www.uexpress.com/ups/funandgames/ow/archive/ow19980621.html (broken link)

[RevDisk]

"It doesn't bother you that the average American works from January to May to pay his taxes?" he asks.

That's because Americans actually worked until July 7 to pay off taxes.  (2004)