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Main Forums => The Roundtable => Topic started by: bratch on March 04, 2005, 05:11:30 PM

Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: bratch on March 04, 2005, 05:11:30 PM
This is something that really bothers me and I'd like your take on it.

My GF and I have been together on and off for 6 years.  We've had some good times and some bad times like everyone.

During high school she was active in church and around school.  She had lots of friends.  After HS everyone has dispersed and she lost most of them.  She went to OSU for a year and made quite a few friends but transferred to a closer school 2 years ago that she commutes to solely for school. Since then she has had no friends of her own.  We have hung out at my fraternity around the guys there.

The last few months have been up and down with us being "apart".

We often went to the fraternity because she didn't like sitting at my house.  While there she hung out with the guys often with me playing second fiddle.

During a bad spell she started talking with an alumni who graduated a couple years ago but still hangs around.  She had always talked to him but it got more serious.  They kinda dated a little while until he got some other girl pregnant.

Since school has started she has been spending quite abit of time there.  She often stays until 3 or 4 in the morning and has stayed there a couple times.  They call and invite her to parties and to go out with them.

Since this has started I have not been to the fraternity.  I have resigned from my office and have cut ties.  

Am I overreacting? Should I be understanding that they are the only friends she has?

Sorry to lay this on you guys but she has always been the one I've talked to about problems and my guy friends just want to go cause trouble if I mention it.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: MaterDei on March 04, 2005, 05:56:47 PM
Yes, you are over reacting.  You guys are both too good for each other.

Focus on school and leave the high school antics behind.  I would dump both her and the frat, get a part time job to fill your spare time and focus on your studies.

Good Luck.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Para2 on March 04, 2005, 05:59:14 PM
Just my $.02...
If she's the one you've always talked to, try talking to her about it. Ask her up front if there is more than friendship going on over there. No accusations, people do "drift apart" especially as they go to different schools, different jobs, different life experiences. If you, or she, can't talk openly  about it, you may have your answer right there. If it comes to that, where you're not the only fish in her sea, so to speak, remember, She's not the only one out there, either!
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: SpookyPistolero on March 04, 2005, 06:04:51 PM
What MaterDei said.

At the college level it is way past time to leave this kind of stuff behind. It would be hard to imagine the relationship surviving in the long run: if you have trouble making it stick over such a long period in the very beginning of your relationship, why would it be better in six years?

Good call getting out of the Frasority. The people in those still require living in a 'clique' to survive, just like high school provided them. I will hold my tongue on this point other than that.

Study twice as hard, get a job, or work more hours at the job you have now. Make yourself a future, and eventually, along the road in life, you will meet someone that makes you realize how silly all this stuff really was. I promise.

Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: bratch on March 04, 2005, 06:06:30 PM
We have talked about it.  She knows I'm not fond of the situation but tells me she can't take sitting at home every night either and they are her only other firends.  I won't ask her not to go over there mainly because she has noone else.

She tells me there is nothing going on.  I believe her but also believe she is a litle niave in believing they see her as just "one of the guys".

Thanks guys
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Azrael256 on March 04, 2005, 06:19:17 PM
Cut your losses.  I've been in exactly the same situation.  It only gets worse from here, so escape with your sanity.

Oddly enough, I just learned that this is much clearer from the outside.  Your experience parallels mine to a disturbing degree, but I have no trouble figuring out what the right thing to do is this time.  Funny how that happens.

If you see her, be nice, be polite, and head for the exit.  Oh, and if your guy friends "just want to go cause trouble," you need to find different friends.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Lee on March 04, 2005, 06:31:31 PM
I think you'd be much better off finding someone who prefers to spend time with you.  That's not to say that you and a significant other can't have outside friends...but this girl seems to like to party with the boys a bit much.  I've been there before.  It will drive you crazy and make you think and do stupid things.  Move on.  The world is full of opportunities.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: theCZ on March 04, 2005, 06:59:13 PM
Yep, get out of the frat.  Join a shooting club, or start your own like I did.  Life is so much easier when you are single and can enjoy meeting women without worrying about making someone jealous.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Guest on March 05, 2005, 01:07:26 AM
My GF and I have been together on and off for 6 years.

During high school

We often went to the fraternity...  She often stays until 3 or 4 in the morning and has stayed there a couple times

They kinda dated a little while

Im sorry man, but this aint gonna work. Frankly i think that you should stay with your friends in the frat and lose the girl. On again off again highschool sweetheart who spends time with an exboyfriend and stays the night at a frat house? She is just going through the motions now.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Wedge on March 05, 2005, 02:51:20 AM
Dump her.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Smith on March 05, 2005, 04:13:54 AM
Umm, no, you're not overreacting.  You need to dump that woman NOW.  Geez, man, does she carry your balls in her purse too?
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Moondoggie on March 05, 2005, 05:42:42 AM
It seems like you've grasped the concept that the relationship you want has to work both ways for both of you and this one doesn't.

I didn't read where you said "She's THE ONE" obviously she isn't.

Women are like busses...after you get off this one another will be along in about 15 minutes.

Get/keep your own life/psyche together so that you're prepared to pursue the relationship you're looking for when you discover it.  Spend some time identifying for yourself what qualities/traits you are looking for in a  SO.

Ditto what others said about the rat pack frat your own man and form positive relationships with others on your own.  A few quality friends are worth 10X a clique of party animals who only care about a good time.

Buck UP, Bucko!  You'll be OK.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Michigander on March 05, 2005, 05:54:40 AM
Am I overreacting?

Should I be understanding that they are the only friends she has?
Frankly, from your description of things, it does not appear that there are really too many friends around; yours or hers.

Good advice posted above.

Cut your losses now. It's a learning experience. You will be wiser because of it.

Might not be easy, might not feel good now, but often the right and best things to do are not easy and may not feel good at the time.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: jamz on March 05, 2005, 06:47:16 AM
Don't forget, women are Pure Concentrated Evil*, so always factor that in.

I'd give her the "it's not you, it's me" speach and move on.

Love, James

*Men are too Smiley
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: johnster999 on March 05, 2005, 07:25:13 PM
Having been in similar situations, I say it's time to let go of her. You'll be better off, for sure.

It won't be easy but it's the right move. Don't worry about a fancy speech for  her. Don't be mean but just tell her you aren't happy with her and that you've chosen to move on. Don't call her anymore. Don't try to stay "friends" whatever that is. Just get going while the getting is good.

Then take some time off from relationship stuff and head to the range! Ammo is cheaper than dating anyway. lol

Good luck.
Title: Am I over-reacting (girls-long)
Post by: Unisaw on March 05, 2005, 08:04:15 PM
You are under-reacting.  From our viewpoint, the situation could not be more clear.  When you find the right person, you won't have to deal with this type of stuff.