Limericks

[Guest]

sm's not from Nantucket
just as soon tote a shotgun
more handsome than a bucket
his way of having fun

spoils dogs with peppermint
children too
that'll be him
each foot sporting a tennis shoe.

early one morning
late at nights
makes no difference
That's why they made spotlights

drives a pick-em-truck
down an old farm trail
not counting on luck
in finding them quail

don't like folks that meddle
quite easy to tell
whup on one unable  to away peddle
he'll be there in a sec to give BG hell

limerick he knows this is not
should be in with Poems
he stuck in wrong spot
your the one in wrong forum

Don't talk bad about sm's cast skillets
Be respectful 'bout them Fried Pie
Now add some catfish fillets
I'll give a wink of my eye.

where is this going
hell if I know
outside wind is blowing
but it aint' gonna snow

ya'll started reading
for me something to do
just finished a pizza
me just waiting on tea to brew

a big deal  i am not
done told you that
but you got a good fishing spot
betcha my flyline don't go spat

sometimes sm's dreams of old days
out on a field
busting them clays
or skeeters on a windshield

boy done been told
fifty just a marker of time
don't mean he is old
 just reaching second prime

never acted his age
never figure he will
to some hopefully a sage
beats getting poked by a  porcupine quill

tea brewing is done
time to quit
sure had fun
writing this bit

[Nathaniel Firethorn]

The third shortest limerick ever written:

There was a young lady named Blue
Whose limericks stopped at line two.



#2:

There once was a man from Verdun





#1 is the one about the Emperor Nero.

- NF

[Erik Jensen]

The Limerick is furtive and mean,
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums
Where she promptly becomes
Disorderly, drunk, and obscene.

[grampster]

Send her by my hou...slap...Just kiddin' Swmbo, really.

[Preacherman]

I'm reminded of the controversy in philosophical circles, some decades ago, as to whether or not things had any existence outside our observation of them.  In other words, if there was no-one to see it, would it still exist?  (Also referred to as the "tree in the forest" argument - if a tree falls in the forest, and there's no-one to witness it, does it make any noise?)  Yes, I know, many philosophers are daft, but there you have it...

Anyway, this controversy spawned a limerick, printed in a British newspaper, that read:

There once was a man who said "God
Must find it exceedingly odd
To think that this tree
Continues to be
When there's no-one about in the quad."

(A "quad" means "quadrangle", a name often given to an open space between school or university buildings in England.)

It didn't take long for some wit to reply (in verse, of course), in the same newspaper:

"Dear Sir, your astonishment's odd:
I am always about in the quad.
And that's why this tree
Will continue to be
Since observed by, yours faithfully, God."

[Preacherman]

And, of course, the other great science-vs.-religion controversy continues to be Darwin's theory of evolution.  A final put-down to Darwin was given in limerick form (I've cleaned it up slightly for this eminent assembly of scholars):

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
Complacently stroking his madam.
And loud was his mirth
For he knew that on Earth
There were only two b***s - and he had 'em!

[One of Many]

It is not that easy to create a Limerick. Here is my first attempt, and of course I am keeping it firearms related.

A musician there was that played Flute,
He carried a pistol - and really could shoot,
until he got drunk, and placed pistol to lip,
then his tune changed, as the trigger did trip,
and now the musician, is quite deaf and a mute.