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[Perd Hapley]

There are so many candidates, from Julian "How do you do, fellow Earth-beings?" Castro, to Pete Buda- Butti- B-something, we need a thread for all of their gafs, grafts, and whatever makes us laugh. To kick things off:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwB_sfuPgkQ

[MechAg94]

I heard a comment yesterday that Beto is sucking up all the media attention lately and there is little room for some of the lesser known candidates to get attention.  That person wondered if Biden would still get in the race now. 

I don't watch the news so you might see this more than me.

[Ben]

So I guess pretty much none of them are dropping out until the first debates? It's gonna be funny to see the wailing about unfairness when CNN et al start choosing who gets to be in the "first string" debates and who gets into the secondary debates that no one watches. Which is a model I'm assuming they are going to have to do just so the debates aren't 14 hours long. They did it with the Rs in 2016, and there were a lot less of them.

[Perd Hapley]

It begins:

https://www.dailywire.com/news/45317/i-was-mortified-former-democrat-senator-accuses-ryan-saavedra

[Jamisjockey]

So I guess pretty much none of them are dropping out until the first debates? It's gonna be funny to see the wailing about unfairness when CNN et al start choosing who gets to be in the "first string" debates and who gets into the secondary debates that no one watches. Which is a model I'm assuming they are going to have to do just so the debates aren't 14 hours long. They did it with the Rs in 2016, and there were a lot less of them.

The DNC/RNC pretty much picks the lineups for the network debates.  This is how they eliminate 3rd party debates.

[Ben]

So Beto, why don't you go first and write a $1billion check. Like to science or something?

https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2019/03/30/ok-then-beto-orourke-is-going-to-break-apart-the-concentration-of-wealth-in-the-united-states/

[Perd Hapley]

[lee n. field]

Seen on the Internetz: Biden's campaign song is Aqualung.

[Hawkmoon]

Biden in the news: https://pilotonline.com/news/government/politics/article_cba7d87e-fac8-5339-9621-de52b1155e48.html

“All of us who have been around Joe Biden — he hugs men, women and children,” said Dick Harpootlian, a South Carolina state senator and avid Biden supporter.

“He is a hugger. That’s just the generation he comes from, and that’s his personality. You shouldn’t read anything into it other than he was doing what he has done to me, to my daughter, to my wife, to Barack Obama.”

If Biden made Flores feel uncomfortable, he said, it was unintended.

Reality check: Joe Biden is a year and a half older than I am, so we are the same generation. And in my generation, men did NOT hug random people. In fact, in my generation, the general rule was that men didn't express much emotion in any way. We certainly didn't (and don't) make a habit of pawing women we've only just met, inhaling their hair, and kissing them. Bottom line: Joe Biden is a creep at best, and perhaps a perv at worst.

[Perd Hapley]

He is a hugger. That’s just the generation he comes from...

Toxic geriatry.

[Perd Hapley]

https://babylonbee.com/news/joe-biden-appointed-head-of-tsa

President Trump announced Friday that Biden is his appointment to the Transporation Security Administration.

Biden will be tasked with showing TSA agents how to violate people's personal space and privacy in their daily groping of American citizens. He already has "dozens" of charts and infographics he began to hand out to TSA workers all across the country, creeping up on them and gingerly setting the files in their hands as he whispered his instructions in their ears.

[WLJ]

Mr. Nukem is in

Eric Swalwell Announced His Candidacy Tonight And People's Reactions Are Priceless
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2019/04/08/eric-nuke-them-swalwell-is-running-for-president-heres-peoples-instant-react-n2544468


We're going to need a bigger clown car

[Perd Hapley]

Mr. Nukem is in

Eric Swalwell Announced His Candidacy Tonight And People's Reactions Are Priceless
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2019/04/08/eric-nuke-them-swalwell-is-running-for-president-heres-peoples-instant-react-n2544468


We're going to need a bigger clown car

"Hold my Zima."

[cordex]

I'd like to announce today that I, too, am running for the 2020 Democratic nomination.

[Ben]

I'd like to announce today that I, too, am running for the 2020 Democratic nomination.

On which platform? Nuking the USA into oblivion over guns, or the "we're all going to die in 10 years" platform? Or maybe you're running on a moderate dem platform of "Free stuff for everybody!"?

 

[cordex]

In order to distinguish my platform from my esteemed opponents I'm going to move a smidge to the left and campaign on enforced equity for all.  My primary planks will be radical redistribution of all fungible resources, seizure by the Federal government of all things that cannot be equitably shared, and surgically rendering everyone to a lowest common denominator of health and intelligence for the ultimate in social fairness.

As our Founding Parental Units of as yet Indeterminate Gender and Sexual Orientation would have really wanted if they only had my vision.

[Ben]

In order to distinguish my platform from my esteemed opponents I'm going to move a smidge to the left and campaign on enforced equity for all.  My primary planks will be radical redistribution of all fungible resources, seizure by the Federal government of all things that cannot be equitably shared, and surgically rendering everyone to a lowest common denominator of health and intelligence for the ultimate in social fairness.

As our Founding Parental Units of as yet Indeterminate Gender and Sexual Orientation would have really wanted if they only had my vision.

Well, that should get you the endorsements of all the late night teevee hosts. 

[Ben]

Thanks to Twitchy, I finally figured out who Swalwell reminds me of. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QApeYpw7KQQ

[Ben]

Being in public office and running for president are apparently charitable contributions now. That's some comedy gold right there:

https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2019/04/16/spin-tastic-beto-orourke-explains-meager-donations-to-charity-hint-public-service-for-the-charitable-win/

[French G.]

Being in public office and running for president are apparently charitable contributions now. That's some comedy gold right there:

https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2019/04/16/spin-tastic-beto-orourke-explains-meager-donations-to-charity-hint-public-service-for-the-charitable-win/

Don't you understand? He has blessed you with his time!!! Wash his feet damnit!

[WLJ]

Warren's tax payer funded vote bribe

The Massachusetts senator says the proposal unveiled Monday would eliminate almost all student loan debt for 42 million Americans, canceling $50,000 in debt for each person with household income under $100,000. According to Warren's description of the plan in a piece to be posted on Medium, the debt cancellation proposal would create a one-time cost to the federal government of $640 billion.

Warren unveils $640 billion college debt forgiveness plan
http://www.wave3.com/2019/04/22/warren-unveils-billion-college-debt-forgiveness-plan/

[RoadKingLarry]

Warren's tax payer's funded vote bribe

Warren unveils $640 billion college debt forgiveness plan
http://www.wave3.com/2019/04/22/warren-unveils-billion-college-debt-forgiveness-plan/

Will those that actually worked and saved and paid ALL their student loan debt get any kind of rebate?

[RocketMan]

Will those that actually worked and saved and paid ALL their student loan debt get any kind of rebate?

No, because they have exhibited evil capitalistic and self-sufficient behavior.

[WLJ]

No, because they have exhibited evil capitalistic and self-sufficient behavior.

Yeah, like thinking what they worked for is actually theirs

[JN01]

You didn't build that.